Csaba - Step 10

(Excerpt) - 10.1

10.1. I NOTICE WHEN I DON'T FEEL WELL

The Step Book states on page 91, paragraph 2:

"Although all self-examinations are fundamentally similar, they can differ depending on when we perform them.

1. It can be a quick check, which we can do at any point during the day, especially when we feel our emotions boiling over.
2. The other is done in the evening when we look back at the events of the past day."

The second case is easier to grasp. I can even do it while lying in bed after going to sleep—just don’t fall asleep in the process. However, in the first case, at first, I had trouble even recognizing when my emotions were "boiling over."

I started observing my emotions: shame, guilt, self-pity, sadness, fear, anger, desire for revenge. When I had these emotions, I always felt bad. I only felt good when emotions like joy, happiness, or peace surfaced. I observed that I essentially felt two ways: good or bad.

If I want to catch my exaggerated negative emotions, it’s crucial that I recognize when I feel bad. This is not as simple as it sounds because I spent decades practicing showing people that I felt fine outwardly, while I tended to overlook how I really felt inside.

However, being honest with myself about not feeling well is the first step toward a successful self-examination.

Guide for Step 10.1:

10.1. I Notice When I Don’t Feel Well

Think back to the past few hours and try to recall:

- Was there a moment when you felt good?
- What emotions did you have then? Joy? Happiness? Peace?
- What thoughts were going through your head during that time?
- Was there a moment when you felt bad?
- What emotions did you have then? Anger? Fear? Sadness?
- What thoughts were going through your head then?
- Did you have any strong physical symptoms while feeling bad?

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Csaba - Step 10

(Excerpt) - 10.2

10.2. I REALIZE THAT IF SOMETHING BOTHERS ME, I NEED TO LOOK WITHIN MYSELF FOR THE FAULT

The Step Book states on page 92:

"A fundamental spiritual principle is that whenever something bothers us, the problem lies within us. If someone hurts us and it causes us pain, we are also at fault. Is there no exception to this? For example, 'justified' anger? If someone cheats on us, don’t we have the right to be angry? Isn’t anger justified toward hypocrites? For us, AA members, these 'exceptions' are dangerous. We have found that justified anger should be left to those who can control it better.

Few people have been harmed as much by resentment as we alcoholics. It doesn’t matter much whether the resentment was justified or not. The flare-up of our anger can ruin an entire day. [...] Such emotional 'dry drunks' often lead straight to drinking. Other disturbances—like jealousy, envy, self-pity, and hurt feelings—produce the same result. A quick check during such a disturbed emotional state can help calm our stormy emotions."

So, I must be able to recognize disturbed emotional states in myself, as suffering can lead back to drinking. For a long time, I used alcohol to improve my emotional state when I wasn’t feeling well. Alcohol was my "solution" for making bad feelings better. Therefore, when I recognize that I don’t feel well, I must immediately begin a quick check to identify the cause of my suffering.

Over the years, I have observed that the following things can cause suffering for me:

1. Exaggerated emotions (shame, guilt, self-pity, sadness, resentment, hurt feelings, anger, anxiety, arrogance)
2. Excessive desires (for new experiences, intimacy, or material possessions)
3. Not living in the present (obsessing over the past or fearing the future)

During my quick checks, I first examine which of these is the case. Then I dig deeper. I'll write more about this later.

Guide for Step 10.2:

10.2. I Realize That If Something Bothers Me, I Need to Look Within Myself for the Fault

Write down (or reflect on) the following:

- Does justified anger exist?
- Is there such a thing as justified resentment?
- Can suffering lead back to drinking?
- What causes you the most suffering? Desires? Emotions? Thoughts?

Write about any experiences you have that support the idea that:

- If something bothers you, the problem also lies with you.
- You need to find the fault within yourself.

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Csaba - Step 10

(Excerpt) - 10.3

10.3. I KNOW THAT MY EXAGGERATED DESIRES CAN CAUSE A LOT OF SUFFERING

In the previous step, I wrote about the things that usually cause suffering for me:

- Exaggerated desires
- Not living in the present
- Exaggerated emotions

Let’s start with the first one! What do I tend to desire? (Inspired by Maslow)

1. Material Goods: money, food, clothes, car, hi-fi equipment
2. Security: home, job, savings
3. Social Connections: friends, sex, love, recognition
4. Activities/Experiences: entertainment, sports, vacations, travel, golf, concerts
5. Self-Actualization: language skills, degrees, scientific work, solo singing

So, when I recognize and admit that I feel bad or that something is bothering me, I examine whether my exaggerated desires are causing this feeling—whether I have thoughts like these:

- "It would be so nice to have a ..."
- "I need this ..."
- "Why don’t I have a ..."
- "I need to be ..."
- "It would be great if ..."
- "I need to feel ..."
- "I need ..."
- "I can’t live without ..."

If so, I try to identify the object (person, experience, or concept) of my desire. Then I acknowledge that the given thing, person, or experience:

1. Is not truly important!
2. Is not absolutely necessary!

At least not in this moment. And outside of this present moment, there is no other reality. If I can honestly say, "I’m fine here and now," the tension eases, and my inner peace grows.

Just for today! – as our slogan says. What I need today, I will receive from my Higher Power. Moreover, they know better than I do what is important and what I truly need. Sooner or later, I will slowly receive the things I need. At least, that has been my experience.

Guide for Step 10.3:

Csaba - Step 10

(excerpt) - 10.1

10.1: I NOTICE WHEN I DON'T FEEL WELL

The Step Book says on page 91, paragraph 2:

"Although all self-examinations are essentially similar, they can vary depending on when they are performed.  
1. It could be a quick check, which we can do at any time of the day, especially when we feel our emotions are boiling over.  
2. The other is done in the evening, when we look back on the events of the day."

The second case is easier to grasp. I can do it lying down, once I'm in bed. Just don't fall asleep.  
In the first case, though, I initially struggled to recognize when my emotions were "boiling over."  
I observed my emotions: shame, guilt, self-pity, sorrow, fear, anger, desire for revenge. Whenever these feelings were within me, I always felt bad. I felt good when emotions like joy, happiness, or peace emerged. I realized that I fundamentally felt in one of two ways: either good or bad.

If I want to catch my excessive negative emotions, the key is to recognize when I feel bad. This isn't so simple because I spent decades practicing showing the outside world that I was feeling fine. I often overlooked the fact that I was feeling bad.

However, honestly admitting this to myself is the first step to a successful self-examination.

<<<<<<<<<<<<<>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>

Aid for Step 10.1:

10.1: I notice when I don't feel well.

Think back over the past few hours and try to recall:

- Was there a moment when you felt good?  
- What emotions were you feeling at that time? Joy? Happiness? Peace?  
- What thoughts were going through your mind then?  
- Was there a moment when you felt bad?  
- What emotions were you feeling then? Anger? Fear? Sorrow?  
- What thoughts were going through your mind then?  
- Did you have any strong physical symptoms while feeling bad?

---

(excerpt) - 10.2

10.2: I REALIZE THAT IF SOMETHING BOTHERS ME, I MUST LOOK FOR THE FLAW IN MYSELF.

The Step Book says on page 92:

"It is a fundamental spiritual principle that whenever something bothers us, the problem lies within us. If someone hurts us and it causes us pain, we are also at fault. Are there no exceptions to this? For example, 'justified' anger? If someone cheats on us, don’t we have the right to be angry? Isn't anger justified against hypocrites? For us, as members of AA, these 'exceptions' are dangerous. We have found that justified anger should be left to those who can control it better.

Few people have been harmed as much by resentment as we alcoholics. It hardly matters whether that resentment was justified or unjustified. A flare-up of anger can ruin an entire day. [...] Such emotional 'dry drunks' often lead directly back to drinking. Other disturbances—such as jealousy, envy, self-pity, and resentment—lead to the same outcome. A quick check during such a disturbed emotional state can help a lot in calming our stormy emotions."

So, I must recognize disturbed emotional states within myself because suffering can lead back to drinking. For a long time, I used alcohol to improve my emotional state when I wasn’t feeling well. Alcohol was my "drug" that helped make bad feelings better. So, if I recognize within myself that I don't feel well, I must immediately start a quick check to find out what is causing the suffering.

Over the past years, I have noticed that the following things cause suffering for me:

1. Excessive emotions (shame, guilt, self-pity, sorrow, resentment, hurt, anger, anxiety, arrogance)  
2. Excessive desires (for new experiences, intimacy, or material goods)  
3. Not living in the present (obsessing over the past or dreading the future)

During my quick checks, I first examine which of these cases applies. Then I dig even deeper. I’ll write about this next.

<<<<<<<<<<<<<>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>

Aid for Step 10.2:

10.2: I realize that if something bothers me, I must look for the flaw in myself.

Write down (or reflect on):

- Does justified anger exist?  
- Is any resentment legitimate?  
- Can suffering lead back to drinking?  
- What causes you suffering the most? Desires? Emotions? Thoughts?

Write down any experiences that support the idea that:

- If something bothers you, the problem is also with you.  
- You must find the flaw within yourself.

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(excerpt) - 10.3

10.3: I KNOW THAT EXCESSIVE DESIRES CAN CAUSE MUCH SUFFERING.

In the previous step, I mentioned that, for me, suffering is usually caused by the following:

- Excessive desires  
- Not living in the present  
- Excessive emotions

Let's start with the first! What do I usually desire? (Inspired by Maslow)

1. MATERIAL GOODS  
money, food, clothes, cars, hi-fi

2. SECURITY  
home, job, savings

3. SOCIAL RELATIONSHIPS  
friends, sex, love, recognition

4. ACTIVITIES, EXPERIENCES  
entertainment, sports, vacations, travel, golfing, concerts

5. SELF-REALIZATION  
language skills, diplomas, academic work, solo singing

So, when I recognize and admit that I feel bad or something is bothering me, I examine whether my excessive desires are causing this feeling and if such thoughts are running through my head:

- "It would be great if I had a ..."  
- "I need this ..."  
- "Why don’t I have a ..."  
- "I need them (for me) to ..."  
- "It would be nice if ..."  
- "I need to feel that ..."  
- "I need to ..."  
- "I want to ..."  
- "I can’t live without ..."

If so, I try to identify the object (or subject) of my desire. Then, I acknowledge that the particular thing, person, or experience:

1. Is not really important!  
2. I don’t necessarily need it!

At least not in this moment. And beyond the present moment, there is no other reality. If I can honestly say, "Right now, I am fine!" then the tension eases, and my inner peace grows.

"Just for today!"—that’s our slogan. Whatever I need today, I will receive from my Higher Power. Moreover, my Higher Power knows better than I do what is important and what I need. And sooner or later, gradually, I will receive those things that I truly need. At least, that’s my experience.

<<<<<<<<<<<<<>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>

Aid for Step 10.3:

10.3: I know that excessive desires can cause much suffering.

Write down (or reflect on) whether you desire the following:

- Material goods (food, clothes, cars, money)  
- Security (home, job, savings)  
- Social relationships (friends, sex, love, recognition)  
- Activities, experiences (entertainment, sports, travel)  
- Self-realization (knowledge, skills, fame)

If a strong desire arises for something, practice the following (or something similar):

- "This isn’t really important right now!"  
- "I don’t absolutely need this right now!"  
- "I am fine right here, right now!"  

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(excerpt) - 10.4

10.4: I NO LONGER DWELL ON THE PAST

In the previous section, I mentioned that suffering can come from:

- Excessive desires  
- Not living in the present  
- Excessive emotions

I dealt with recognizing and letting go of excessive desires in the previous step. Now let’s look at the signs of not living in the present:

- Dwelling on the past (depression)  
- Worrying about the future (anxiety)

When dwelling on the past, my mind typically churns out the following depressive thoughts:

- What even happened?  
- Why did it happen? Why did it happen like that? Why not differently?  
- Why did they do that? How could they do such a thing?  
- Why did I do that? How could I do such a thing?  
- What must they think of me now?  
- How can I undo it?  
- I didn’t want it to be like this.  
- I sinned, I must be punished.  
- I made a mistake, I will never be able to correct it.  
- I caused harm, I will never be able to make amends, etc.

The first 9 steps have essentially transformed my self-centered, faulty thinking patterns, so these kinds of thoughts rarely occur anymore because:

- In Step 1, I realized that what happened has happened, and nothing can change that. Furthermore, what I think about the past is far from the whole truth.  

- Steps 2 and 3 convinced me that I’m not in control, and this was true in the past as well.  
- In Step 4, I began to change my thoughts about the past. With forgiveness, I let go of my resentments toward the events of the past.  
- In Step 5, I confessed all my faults—both past and present—to my sponsor. I was strengthened in the belief that I can make mistakes but also make amends.  
- In Steps 8 and 9, I made amends for the wrongs I caused in the past.

After this, whatever comes up from my past, I don’t wish to close the door on it because I know I can always correct my mistakes as follows:

1. If I make a mistake, I promptly admit it. First to myself, and if necessary, to others. This way, I won’t be haunted later by guilt that I did something wrong.  
2. If I realize that I did something wrong and caused harm, I attempt to make amends, just as I learned in Step 9.

<<<<<<<<<<<<<>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>

Aid for Step 10.4:

10.4: I no longer dwell on the past.

Write down (or reflect on):

- Do you ever dwell on the past?  
- Do you feel bad when thinking about the past?  
- Do you still wish to change the past at times?  
- Do you wish to correct any of your mistakes?  
- Do you still hold any grudges?  
- Do you regularly practice making amends?

If painful thoughts arise about a past mistake, practice the following (or something similar):

- "It seemed like a good idea at the time..."

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(excerpt) - 10.5

10.5: I NO LONGER FEAR THE FUTURE

In the previous step, I wrote that when I am not living in the present—meaning, when I do not embody the idea of "Just for today"—I either dwell on the past or worry about the future. Worrying about the future (anxiety) causes just as much suffering as dwelling on the past. Therefore, when I don't feel well, I also examine whether this is the issue.

If it is, I remind myself of the steps I’ve already taken:

Step 1:  
One element of the unmanageability of my life is that the future will not turn out as I imagine it.

Step 2:  
I am not in control. There are forces greater than myself. Furthermore, everything is interconnected, so the future cannot be predicted from the past, no matter how much the ego might want to.

Step 3:  
I don't have to carry out my self-centered ideas at all costs. God knows better than I do what is good for me. It’s worth entrusting the course of my life to Him.

Step 4:  
With the help of forgiveness, all resentment has disappeared from within me, so I no longer need to fear anyone or anything—not even my own thoughts.

Step 5:  
If negative thoughts still arise in my mind, I can always talk about them with my fellow human beings or even with God.

Step 6:  
I became willing to recognize my self-centered desires and demands to control the future.

Step 7:  
I became capable of letting go of my self-centered desires and demands to control the future.

Steps 8 and 9:  
I made amends for my debts to others, so I no longer fear that any element of my past will return negatively in the future.

I love people, I love God, I love the world. I also love the present moment. Love and fear are mutually exclusive. I have no fear.

<<<<<<<<<<<<<>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>

Aid for Step 10.5:

10.5: I no longer fear the future.

Write down (or reflect on):

- Will the future be as we imagine it?
- Does the future result from the past?
- Do we have to follow through on our ideas about the future?
- Can forgiveness free us from fear?
- Is it worth sharing our problems with others?
- Can we recognize our ego-driven needs?
- Is it possible to let go of our ego-driven desires?
- Can direct amends dissolve bad karma?

Write down any experience that supports the idea that:

- Love and fear exclude each other.

Practice the following (or something similar):

- I love God!
- I love the world God created!
- I love people!
- I love the present moment!

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Csaba – Step 10

(excerpt) – 10.6  
10.6: I CAN RECOGNIZE THE NEGATIVE EMOTIONS BEHIND BAD FEELINGS.

Earlier, I wrote that suffering for me can come from the following:

- Excessive desires
- Not living in the present
- Excessive emotions

I have already discussed the first two. Now let's look at the third. I most often feel bad when excessive negative emotions are inside me. This seems obvious, but before I started working on Step 4, I didn’t even know what emotions were. In the past, I didn’t pay attention to them at all. Sometimes, I even denied them—not just to others, but to myself as well.

It’s no coincidence that at AA meetings, we encourage each other to try to uncover our often deeply hidden emotions. In my Step 4, I began to explore what emotions exist at all. I reread the checklist of questions on pages 51-52 of the Step Book. I also delved into psychology (basic emotions) and religious ideas (the seven deadly sins).

I read various spiritual books, which I found useful. Gradually, I started to see a clearer range of emotions. I’ll share with you the checklist I use when I want to grasp an emotion connected to a feeling inside me. I move from the most negative toward the most positive:

- Shame, humiliation
- Guilt, self-pity
- Apathy, despair
- Sorrow, sadness
- Fear, anxiety
- Desire, craving
- Anger, hatred, desire for revenge
- Loneliness, isolation
- Contempt, pride
- Courage
- Trust
- Willingness
- Optimism
- Acceptance
- Understanding
- Gratitude
- Love
- Joy
- Happiness
- Peace

When I feel bad (for example, feeling like I have a brick in my stomach), I mentally go through this list to see where I am emotionally. Naturally, I am usually somewhere in the first half of the scale. After that, I continue my self-examination by analyzing my thoughts, which I will write about in the next section.

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Aid for Step 10.6:

10.6: I can recognize the negative emotions behind bad feelings.

When you feel bad, try to identify which emotions are behind it. What is your experience?

- Do you ever feel shame or humiliation? Rarely? Often?
- Do you ever feel guilt or self-pity? Rarely? Often?
- Do you ever feel apathy or despair? Rarely? Often?
- Do you ever feel sorrow or sadness? Rarely? Often?
- Do you ever feel fear or anxiety? Rarely? Often?
- Do you ever feel desire or craving? Rarely? Often?
- Do you ever feel anger, hatred, or the desire for revenge? Rarely? Often?
- Do you ever feel loneliness or isolation? Rarely? Often?
- Do you ever feel contempt, arrogance, or pride? Rarely? Often?

---

Csaba – Step 10

(excerpt) – 10.7  
10.7: I CAN IDENTIFY THE THOUGHT CYCLES AROUND NEGATIVE EMOTIONS.

Here’s how I typically start the process of self-examination:

1. I notice the bad feeling (in my stomach).
2. I recognize the negative emotion causing it (in my heart).
3. I identify the bad thoughts (in my mind).

In my experience, beyond recognizing emotions, self-exploration—where I try to bring to the surface the often subconscious thought patterns that my mind generates—can be very useful.

Back in Step 4, I started making a checklist of my most common thoughts. Working on Step 10, I expanded this further and grouped them around emotions. Now, I’ll share it here—not because everyone must have these kinds of thoughts, but just as an example.

---


SHAME, HUMILIATION:

- I am terribly ashamed of myself.
- This is so humiliating!
- Maybe I’ve gone crazy.
- I’m a failure.
- I’m the lowest of society.
- I’m a disgusting creature!
- I don’t belong among people.
- It was a mistake for me to be born.
- I feel miserable.
- It would be best to die!

GUILT, SELF-PITY:

- I’m guilty.
- I made myself sick.
- I’ve ruined everything around me.
- I’ve hurt others.
- I’m unfortunate.
- I’m evil.
- I’ve messed something up badly.
- I’d rather kill him.
- At worst, I’ll end myself.
- I have sinful thoughts.

APATHY, DESPAIR:

- I’ve ruined my life.
- I haven’t achieved anything.
- I have no more chances.
- It didn’t turn out the way I wanted.
- I don’t know where I went wrong.
- I will never change.
- Nothing works out for me.
- I don’t know what I should do.
- Even crap is worse than crap.

SORROW, SADNESS:

- I’m sad.
- No one understands me.
- No one loves me.
- I’m not important to anyone.
- I’m pitiful.
- I’ve lost everything.
- How could this happen?
- It will never get better for me.
- I feel awful.

FEAR, ANXIETY:

- Why did I do such things?
- What will happen to me now?
- I don’t feel well!
- My past holds me back.
- My future is completely hopeless.
- I’ll forever owe others.
- What if things don’t go as planned?
- It’s absolutely crucial that they do!
- What if I lose him/her?
- Death is inevitable.

DESIRE, YEARNING:

- Suffering is necessary.
- I’ll never get that now.
- I’ll never be able to do that now.
- I need one of those!
- I need to be understood.
- I need to be loved.
- I must win!
- My belief is right.
- I see the political situation correctly.
- I need to be right.

ANGER, HATRED, REVENGE:

- They want to harm me.
- They are hurting me.
- Everyone is against me.
- He/she wants to mess with me, but I won’t let it happen.
- I’ll show them!
- They’ll get what’s coming to them!
- That person is an idiot!
- Why isn’t he/she doing what they’re supposed to?
- He/she should do what I say.
- Why did they do that? They shouldn’t have.

LONELINESS, ISOLATION:

- I’m lonely.
- I’ve been abandoned.
- I have no one.
- No one helps me.
- There’s no one I can trust.
- No one loves me.
- I’m different from everyone else.

CONTEMPT, PRIDE, ARROGANCE:

- I’m proud of my achievements.
- He/she has hurt me.
- Why don’t they start the forgiveness process?
- They’ll come to me eventually!
- I will solve the problem!
- I’m better than others.
- I’m fine just the way I am.
- I will never change.
- I know better!
- I deserve this!

---

Aid for Step 10.7:

10.7: I can identify the thought cycles around negative emotions.

Try to articulate the kinds of thoughts that swirl in your mind when you experience the following emotions:

- Shame, humiliation
- Guilt, self-pity
- Apathy, despair
- Sorrow, sadness
- Fear, anxiety
- Desire, yearning
- Anger, hatred, revenge
- Loneliness, isolation
- Contempt, pride

---

Csaba – Step 10

(excerpt) – 10.8  

10.8: I SEE THAT THOUGHTS ARE CONNECTED TO BAD FEELINGS.

In the previous step, I shared how I usually take stock of my thoughts after recognizing the negative emotions behind a bad feeling.

I’ve thought a lot about the connections between feelings, emotions, and thoughts. My fundamental goal is to not feel bad. What do I need to do for that? What should I change? My feelings? My emotions? Or my thoughts? But how?

From AA literature, I learned that:

- I won’t achieve sobriety until I can feel good without alcohol. Bad feelings can lead me back to drinking.

From psychology, I learned that:

- A feeling is the subjective experience of emotions. Basically, it can be either a good feeling or a bad feeling.

In some spiritual books, I read that:

- Thoughts (whether conscious or unconscious) create emotions. Correct thoughts generate positive emotions, while incorrect ones generate negative emotions.

Elsewhere, I read that:

- The mind constantly produces thoughts. The quality of thoughts reflects our emotional state. Often, the mind explains why we feel the way we do (rationalization). We learned this from psychology as well.

And it wasn’t my original idea that:

- Our thought processes, our relationship with the world, are fundamentally influenced by our attitudes and mindset. Our brain is like hardware, and our mindset is the software programmed into it. This programming is largely shaped by our environment (parents, peers, society), but we can also change it ourselves.

So, there aren’t pure cause-and-effect relationships; everything is interconnected. Therefore, it’s worth understanding all the factors if I want to achieve proper self-awareness.

In the following steps, I will also address my attitudes, as fundamentally, changing my mindset can bring the most significant results in improving my thoughts, emotions, and feelings.

(My personal operating model is shown in the attached diagram!)

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Aid for Step 10.8:

10.8, I see that these thoughts are related to negative feelings.

Write down (or reflect on):

• Can negative thoughts trigger bad feelings?
• Can negative emotions cause bad feelings?
• Can bad thoughts lead to a negative emotional state?
• Can a negative emotional state disrupt our thinking?
• Does the way we think influence our thoughts and emotions?
• Can the "software" of our mind be rewritten?

Write down any experiences you have that support the idea that:

• Bad "programs" can be rewritten.
• Our way of thinking can be changed.

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Csaba - Step 10

(Excerpt) - 10.9.

10.9, I am willing to change the thoughts.

I purposely didn't write "my thoughts."

I do self-examination to avoid bad feelings that might lead me back to drinking. Bad feelings are caused by negative emotions, which are mostly attributed to incorrect thoughts. However, thoughts can't be "attributed" to me—they come and go. In the previous step, I explained how the mind (the brain, like inherited hardware) produces thoughts according to our way of thinking.

The way we think is partly genetic but mainly shaped by social upbringing (our "life experiences").

So, if I want to change my bad feelings, I need to realize that the thoughts swirling in my head:

- Aren't always intentional or conscious.
- I don't have to identify with them.
- They can be incorrect.
- If they don't change, they'll generate the same emotions.
- They can be changed.

First, I have to believe that I can change my thoughts. If I say to myself, "But this is what I think! How could I change that?" then I'm on the wrong track.

For example, if I'm angry because my neighbor is mowing the lawn at 7 a.m. on a Saturday, and I have thoughts like:

- "He shouldn't be mowing the lawn at this time!"
- "I told him before, but he doesn't care!"
- "I'll show him that he can't disregard me!"

I need to recognize that these thoughts are incorrect and can be changed. If, instead, I start seeking justification, like "Isn't it outrageous that the neighbor mows so early?" then I won't make progress, and the thought won't change. Without willingness, it won't work.

To change thoughts, the mindset (the "software") needs to be changed. I'll write about this in the next section.

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Guide to Step 10.9:

10.9, I am willing to change these thoughts.

Write down (or reflect on) whether the thoughts swirling in your mind:

• Are always conscious and intentional?
• Are you the "author"? Do they always reflect you?
• Can they be incorrect?
• Do they always generate the same emotions?
• Can they be changed? How?

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Csaba - Step 10

(Excerpt) - 10.10.

10.10, I can let go of the ego-driven way of thinking.

I left off by saying that in order to change thoughts, the mindset (the "software") must first be changed. This faulty software is addressed in the often-cited passage on page 59 of the Big Book:

"Selfishness—self-centeredness! We believe this is the root of our troubles. [...] We believe our troubles are essentially of our own making. The alcoholic is an extreme example of self-will run riot, though he usually doesn't think so. Above everything, we alcoholics must rid ourselves of this selfishness. We must, or it kills us!"

I dealt with recognizing the ego-driven way of thinking in Step 6 and letting it go in Step 7. Over the years, I have practiced a lot, and today, I no longer struggle to:

1. Let go of:

• Negative emotions
• Labeling
• Judging
• Drama
• Expectations of others
• Demands on the world

2. Not hold as important:

• My own opinion
• My own truth
• The attention of those around me
• The love of my acquaintances
• My success
• My victory
• My happiness
• My will

3. Not identify with:

• My life story
• My upbringing
• My education
• My knowledge
• My abilities
• My work
• My relationships
• My appearance
• My family tree
• My nationality
• My illnesses
• My accomplishments
• My possessions
• My physical body
• My belief system
• My political views
• My social status
• My reactions
• My memories
• My emotions
• My opinions
• My thoughts

Since practicing these releases, very few incorrect thoughts arise in my mind. As a result, I rarely experience negative emotions and seldom feel bad.

However, I’ve noticed that alongside letting go of negatives, it's also worth cultivating positive perspectives. I will write about this next.

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Guide to Step 10.10:

10.10, I can let go of the ego-driven way of thinking.

Write down (or reflect on) whether you can now let go of:

• Negative emotions?
• Labeling and judging?
• Drama?
• Expectations of others?
• Demands on the world?

Do you still consider important:

• Your own opinion?
• Your own truth?
• The attention of those around you?
• The love of your acquaintances?
• Your own success?
• Your own victory?
• Your own happiness?
• Your own will?

Do you still identify with:

• Your life story?
• Your upbringing?
• Your education?
• Your knowledge?
• Your abilities?
• Your work?
• Your relationships?
• Your appearance?
• Your nationality?
• Your illnesses?
• Your accomplishments?
• Your possessions?
• Your physical body?
• Your belief system?
• Your political views?
• Your social status?
• Your memories?
• Your emotions?
• Your opinions?
• Your thoughts?

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Csaba - Step 10

(Excerpt) - 10.11.

10.11, I can replace negative attitudes and mindsets with positive ones.

Since I have been practicing letting go of ego-centered thinking, very few incorrect thoughts arise in my mind. As a result, I rarely experience negative emotions and increasingly feel better.

However, I have found it worthwhile to also focus on developing positive mindsets alongside letting go of negatives.

The first step is to try to replace negative attitudes and mindsets with positive ones. I previously mentioned that I cataloged my faulty attitudes (based on the attitude list in David Hawkins' book Power vs. Force), and the following faulty mindsets came to the surface:

- Possessive
- Guilty
- Dependent
- Combative
- Hard
- Obligated
- Pitying
- Law-abiding
- Competitive

Generally, my incorrect thoughts stem from these attitudes, which lead to inappropriate actions (whether consciously or subconsciously). I found their positive counterparts and began practicing them daily:

- I am honest, not law-abiding!
- I am peaceful, not combative!
- I am trusting, not dependent!
- I am understanding, not pitying!
- I am responsible, not guilty!
- I am gentle, not hard!
- I am grateful, not obligated!
- I am a fighter, not competitive!
- I exist, not possessive!

Thanks to these practices and programming, my attitude toward the world is now much better. If, during self-examination related to Step 10, I find that an old faulty mindset has resurfaced (for example, if I belittled someone because I thought I had to be tough with people), then I practice the relevant topic again: I am gentle, not hard!

I also periodically review the attitude list to see if there’s anything worth practicing. (I will try to insert a chart here, but you can find the Excel file in the Files menu as an attachment to Step 4.11.)

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Guide to Step 10.11:

10.11, I can replace negative attitudes and mindsets with positive ones.

Take out the attitude inventory you created in Step 4.11 and practice those that you feel are necessary (something like this, with your own examples):

• I am peaceful, not combative!
• I am a fighter, not competitive!
• I am responsible, not guilty!
• I am trusting, not dependent!

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Csaba - Step 10

(Excerpt) - 10.12.

10.12, I am willing to develop new, positive mindsets through practice.

As I mentioned earlier, in my understanding, my negative feelings and faulty actions are caused by my negative emotions and bad thoughts. These arise within me because of an incorrect (ego-centered) way of thinking.

Since I have been practicing letting go of ego-centric thinking, very few incorrect thoughts appear in my mind. As a result, I experience negative emotions very rarely, I feel better increasingly often, and it becomes easier to recognize when I make mistakes.

However, I have found it worthwhile to also focus on developing positive mindsets alongside letting go of negatives. As a first step in this, I began to replace negative attitudes and mindsets with positive ones, which I wrote about in the previous section.

In addition, it has greatly helped me to create positive thoughts and emotions by trying to develop completely new, positive mindsets and approaches. To this end, I have read a lot. In addition to AA literature, I have read many other spiritual texts, such as:

- Bhagavad Gita
- The Sayings of Buddha
- New Testament
- Eckhart Tolle (The Power of Now)
- David R. Hawkins (The Eye of the Universe)
- Béla Balogh (The Ten Commandments of the Subconscious)
- A Course in Miracles

From these, I wrote down numerous slogans for myself, which I still practice daily to reprogram my subconscious. Here are a few to inspire you:

- The greatest delusion: I am material, and material goods belong to me. (Upanishads)
- There are paths that lead to the end of suffering. (Buddha)
- Whatever comes, accept it! Whatever goes, let it go! (Buddha)
- I came from the light, and I will leave into the light. What was all this? (Zen)
- Thy will be done. (Jesus)
- Forgive us our trespasses, as we forgive those who trespass against us! (Jesus)
- Forgive them, for they know not what they do! (Jesus)
- I am the Way, the Truth, and the Life! (Jesus)
- In giving to others, we receive. (St. Francis of Assisi)
- One thing is certain: it is always now! (Tolle)
- Situations do not make us unhappy. Thoughts do. (Tolle)
- Acceptance of the unacceptable is the greatest source of grace. (Tolle)
- I needed suffering until I realized it was unnecessary. (Tolle)
- There is no self, there is no problem! (Tolle)
- I am one with everything and everyone. (Brain Control)
- Unity consciousness and joy are my natural states. (Béla Balogh)
- Everything is well in my world! (Béla Balogh)
- I am what God created me to be. (A Course in Miracles)
- I am not my body. I am free. (A Course in Miracles)
- My peace of mind is the greatest gift I can give to the world. (Hawkins)
- It is unfounded arrogance to think that anything exists besides God. (Hawkins)
- Soli Deo Gloria! (To God alone be the glory!)
- Gloria in Excelsis Deo! (Glory to God in the highest!)

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Guide to Step 10.12:

10.12, I am willing to develop new, positive mindsets through practice.

Read any spiritual literature of your choice—ideally, something of high quality—such as:

• Bhagavad Gita  
• The Sayings of Buddha  
• New Testament  
• Eckhart Tolle (The Power of Now)  
• David R. Hawkins (The Eye of the Universe)  
• Béla Balogh (The Ten Commandments of the Subconscious)  
• A Course in Miracles  

Write down wise thoughts, slogans, and mantras from these that you can practice to develop new mindsets!

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Self-Assessment Questions for AA Step 10:

1. Do you notice when you are not feeling well?
2. Do you recognize that if something bothers you, the fault lies within yourself?
3. Have you realized that excessive desires can cause you much suffering?
4. Are you still dwelling on the past?
5. Are you still afraid of the future?
6. Can you recognize the negative emotions behind the bad feelings?
7. Can you identify the thought patterns (conscious and subconscious) surrounding the negative emotions?
8. Do you see that these thoughts are connected to the bad feelings?
9. Are you willing to change these thoughts?
10. Can you let go of ego-centered thinking?
11. Can you replace negative attitudes and mindsets with positive ones?
12. Are you willing to develop new, positive mindsets through practice?