Step Book - Step 5:

"We admitted to God, to ourselves, and to another human being the exact nature of our wrongs."  

(Excerpt) - I.  

All Twelve A.A. Steps require us to act contrary to our natural desires, each diminishing our excessive egos. Since Step Five focuses on deflating our swollen ego, it may be one of the most difficult steps to take. Yet, it is also the most necessary for lasting sobriety and spiritual peace.

A.A. experience teaches that we cannot live alone with our overwhelming problems and character defects that magnify them. After the Fourth Step has shined its light on the events of our lives we'd prefer not to remember, these moments appear vividly. As we realize how much our wrong thoughts and actions have harmed us and others, the need to break free from the torment of the past becomes urgent. We must talk to someone about them.

[12 Steps and 12 Traditions, p. 56]

Step Book - Step 5  

(Excerpt) - II.

We fear and dread this step so much that many of us try to avoid it. We search for an easier way—often settling for superficial confessions about how we were terrible people when we drank, perhaps adding details about our drunken behavior that our friends are already tired of hearing. 

But we avoid speaking of the truly painful memories. We reason that it’s better to keep these and other humiliating experiences to ourselves, carrying them to the grave as our secrets. Yet, A.A. experience teaches us that silence is not only foolish but dangerous. Few behaviors cause more harm than keeping secrets during the Fifth Step. Some never achieve sobriety, while others relapse until they undertake a thorough cleanup. Long-sober A.A. members who have skipped this step often pay a heavy price. They later recount how they carried their burdens alone, suffering from irritability, anxiety, guilt, and depression. Seeking relief, they unjustly blamed their closest friends for faults they themselves had tried to hide. Eventually, they realized that confessing others' wrongs brought no relief. Each must admit their own faults.

[12 Steps and 12 Traditions, pp. 56-57]

Step Book - Step 5  

(Excerpt) - III.

Confessing our faults to another person is an ancient practice, sanctified by every age and practiced by deeply spiritual and religious individuals. Today, this beneficial principle is not only endorsed by religion; psychiatrists and psychologists also recognize that every person has a deep-rooted need to look within, understand their character flaws, and discuss them with someone trustworthy. For alcoholics, A.A. goes even further. Most of us agree that without revealing our wrongs to another person, we cannot stay sober. It seems clear that divine grace cannot remove our obsession with drinking until we are willing to take this step.

[12 Steps and 12 Traditions, pp. 57-58]

Step Book - Step 5  

(Excerpt) - IV.

What can we expect from Step Five? First and foremost, freedom from the oppressive sense of isolation we have lived with. Almost all alcoholics are tormented by loneliness. Even before we turned to drinking and people started to avoid us, many of us felt we truly belonged nowhere. We were either too shy to approach others or craved attention and friendship by being the life of the party, yet never really obtained it—or at least felt that way. There was always some mysterious barrier we couldn’t overcome or understand, like actors who forget every line of their script on stage.  
  
This is why we loved alcohol so much. While drunk, we could improvise. But eventually, alcohol became a boomerang, knocking us down and plunging us into terrifying loneliness.  

When we first came to A.A., the sense of belonging to a group where we were understood thrilled us. It seemed like our isolation was solved. But later, we realized that despite being surrounded by people, we still suffered from the painful feeling of separation. Until we spoke openly about our inner struggles and listened to others do the same, we couldn’t find our place. Step Five was the answer. It was the beginning of our genuine relationships with both people and God.

This life-giving step helped us feel that we could be forgiven, no matter how much we had wronged in thought or deed. Many of us experienced, while working on this step with a sponsor or spiritual advisor, that we could forgive others—no matter how wronged we had felt. A moral inventory convinced us that comprehensive forgiveness was desirable. Yet, it was only after grappling with this step that we truly grasped that we could receive and offer forgiveness.

[12 Steps and 12 Traditions, pp. 58-59]

Step Book - Step 5  

(Excerpt) - V.

Another benefit of admitting our shortcomings is humility—a concept often misunderstood. For those who have progressed somewhat in A.A., humility means realizing who and what we are, followed by an honest effort to become what we can be. Our first step toward humility is the clear recognition of our defects. No flaw can be corrected until we understand what it is. But simply seeing our defects is not enough. Merely wishing them away or relying on our own willpower won’t free us from them.

Thus, it becomes clear that self-examination and admitting our flaws to ourselves alone are not sufficient. To be sure we have both recognized and admitted the truth about ourselves, we need the help of God and another person. Only then can we begin to think clearly, act honestly, and embrace true humility.

[12 Steps and 12 Traditions, pp. 59-60]

Step Book - Step 5  

(Excerpt) - VI.

At this phase, when we want to put our relationship with God in order, we face two more challenges. While we may initially fear that God knows all about us, we soon accept it. Facing God is not as uncomfortable as facing another person. Until we speak aloud and reveal our old secrets, our intention for a thorough cleanup remains theoretical. If we are honest with someone else, we will surely be honest with ourselves and God.

The other challenge is that when working alone, our self-assessment can be distorted by excuses or mere wishful thinking. The benefit of sharing with another person is that we can immediately hear their comments and advice, eliminating any doubt about their suggestions. Walking alone in spiritual matters can be dangerous. We’ve heard stories of well-meaning people claiming divine guidance, only to be clearly mistaken. Without experience and humility, they deceived themselves, justifying their actions with the flimsiest of reasons, all based on supposed divine revelation.

It’s also well-known that spiritually wise people often seek advice from friends or spiritual advisors on divine inspirations. Therefore, the newcomer should not risk making foolish or even tragic blunders. Although others' advice may not be infallible, it’s likely more accurate than a direct "revelation," especially for those new to establishing a relationship with a Higher Power.

[12 Steps and 12 Traditions, p. 61]

Step Book - Step 5  

(Excerpt) - VII.

The next challenge is finding the right person to confide in. Caution is advised here. Remember, discretion is a high virtue. We may need to reveal facts about ourselves that others don’t need to know. So, we should talk to someone experienced—not just someone abstinent but someone who has overcome significant difficulties, perhaps similar to our own. This person could be our sponsor but doesn’t have to be. If we trust them, and their temperament and struggles align with ours, the choice is sound. The advantage is that they already know us somewhat.

If we only want to reveal part of our story, that’s fine; the most important thing is to get started. We may even choose someone outside A.A., such as a pastor or doctor. For some, a total stranger might be best!

[12 Steps and 12 Traditions, p. 62]

Step Book - Step 5  

(Excerpt) - VIII.

The true test is how willing we are to open up and trust the person with whom we share our first sincere self-evaluation. Even after finding this person, it often takes significant determination to ask them for help. No one can claim that A.A.'s program doesn’t require willpower. Here is an example that calls for all the willpower we can muster. Fortunately, we are likely to be pleasantly surprised. Once we explain our intentions and the person sees how their advice can profoundly impact our future, the conversation flows, and after a while, it may even become enthusiastic. Eventually, the listener will share something about themselves, further easing our situation. And if we withhold nothing, our relief will grow.

Long-suppressed feelings will be freed from their prison, and—once exposed to the light—they will miraculously disappear. As our pain fades, a healing calm will settle within us. When humility and inner peace combine, another significant change might occur. Many A.A. members, even if they were once skeptical or non-believers, have felt God’s presence for the first time through Step Five. Even believers may have never felt such closeness to God as they do during this step.

The sense of unity with God and others, the breaking free from the isolation of the soul, and the honest revelation of our guilt prepare us for the next steps toward full, rich sobriety.

[12 Steps and 12 Traditions, p. 63]