“The Twelve Steps of Alcoholics Anonymous is a series of principles based on spirituality. According to them, anyone who lives their life this way can free themselves from the compulsion to drink and become a happy, whole person. […] Many non-alcoholics can testify that the A.A. Twelve Steps have been helpful in various difficulties in their lives. Therefore, the Twelve Steps can be seen not only as a guide to sobriety but also as a pathway to a successful and happy life for many, whether they are alcoholics or not.”  

[12 Steps and 12 Traditions, p. 15]

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My name is Csaba, and I am an alcoholic. A grateful, recovering alcoholic. I took the 12 Steps in 2009-2010, and since then I have been an unwavering supporter of step work. In my experience, this is the most effective way to achieve spiritual growth and, thus, recovery. A few years ago, I shared my step descriptions with you in the Facebook 12 Step group.

I am summarizing those posts here in this document. Since then, several people have requested my sponsorship/mentorship in taking their own steps. During our joint work, I have also prepared numerous "workbook"-type aids. Below, I will summarize not only the detailed step descriptions but also incorporate these aids into the material. This type of editing may make it easier for those who currently do not have a sponsor but definitely want to work on the steps.

Besides A.A., many other self-help groups also use the 12 Steps—tailored to the nature of their own dependencies. I am an active member of three such communities, and I want to enable them to follow the steps as well. Therefore, for some step parts, I will formulate variants for these groups as follows:

a)    (Narcotics Anonymous) – general addiction – GenA  
b)    Emotions Anonymous – emotional disorders – EA  
c)    Hawkins Learning Group – ego issues – HT  

These differences mainly arise during Step 1; in the subsequent steps, there is virtually no difference.

Completion Suggestions:

This Word file is intended for the sponsor and the sponsee to use together for step writing. The file can be uploaded to a jointly edited cloud document (e.g., Google Doc), with editing rights for both parties.

After this, the sponsee can start writing their responses—not directly after the questions, but—in the line following the aid questions. This will automatically appear in blue, thus distinguishing it from the original black text of the document. I suggest not writing one-word answers, but also avoiding lengthy narratives. After that, the sponsor can add their comments in a different color, say, bold red italics, like this text here. This way, the sponsee will clearly see both their text and the sponsor’s. Further comments can again be written in another color. (A PDF file is also available for manual filling...)

As the 1st Step of the Alcoholics Anonymous program:

1. I ADMITTED THAT I AM POWERLESS OVER ALCOHOL – THAT MY LIFE HAD BECOME UNMANAGEABLE. (A.A.)

But how did I take this step? Well, it certainly wasn’t in a moment. I reached the point of recognizing my complete powerlessness over both alcohol and my life’s management through many small steps. Many may still think that if they stop drinking, they will regain control over their lives. Well, I don’t believe that.

The A.A. program doesn’t promise that. Luckily. Whenever I wanted to control, it always ended in drinking. Now, let’s look at the process of taking the first step, which for me went something like this:

1.    I accepted that I have no power over alcohol.  
2.    I accepted that I have no power over others.  
3.    I gave up hope that I could someday be a social drinker.  
4.    I became willing to change my way of thinking.  
5.    I realized that my life rarely turns out the way I planned.  
6.    I became aware that I can’t even manage my own life.  
7.    I recognized that I can’t change the past.  
8.    I realized that the future won’t be what I think it will be.  
9.    I accepted that the present moment is always what it is.  

Aid for the Step:

As an introduction, I recommend that you:

1.    Don’t drink the first drink!  
2.    Attend meetings!  
3.    Get a sponsor!  
4.    Work the steps!  
5.    Take on service!  

In addition, I recommend reading the following:

- Alcoholics Anonymous: up to page 41  
- Twelve Steps and Twelve Traditions: pages 15-25  

1.A) I ADMITTED THAT I AM POWERLESS OVER MY ADDICTIONS – THAT MY LIFE HAS BECOME UNMANAGEABLE. (GenA)

But how can such a step be taken? Well, it certainly isn’t in a moment. Through many small steps, we can reach the point of recognizing our complete powerlessness over our roles, our methods, and our life management. Many may still think that if they stop using, they will regain control over their lives. Well, I don’t believe that. The 12-step program doesn’t promise that either. Luckily. Whenever I wanted to control, it always ended in use.

Now, let’s look at the process of taking the first step:

1.    A) I accepted that I am powerless over many substances and methods.  
2.    I accepted that I have no power over others.  
3.    A) I gave up hope that I will someday use in a controlled manner.  
4.    I became willing to change my way of thinking.  
5.    I realized that my life rarely turns out the way I planned.  
6.    I became aware that I can’t even manage my own life.  
7.    I recognized that I can’t change the past.  
8.    I realized that the future won’t be what I think it will be.  
9.    I accepted that the present moment is always what it is.  

Aid for the Step:

As an introduction, I recommend that you:

1.    Stay away from using!  
2.    Attend meetings!  
3.    Get a sponsor!  
4.    Work the steps!  
5.    Take on service!  

In addition, I recommend reading the following:

- Alcoholics Anonymous: up to page 41  
- Twelve Steps and Twelve Traditions: pages 15-25  
- Basic Text (NA, CA, CoDA, SLAA, etc.)  

1.B) I ADMITTED THAT I AM POWERLESS OVER MY EMOTIONS – THAT MY LIFE HAS BECOME UNMANAGEABLE. (EA)

But how did I take this step? Well, it certainly wasn’t in a moment. Through many small steps, I came to the point of recognizing my complete powerlessness over both my emotions and my life management.

I fundamentally struggled with alcohol, but in A.A. they told me to believe that we are powerless not only over alcohol but also over things, people, situations, and, indeed, over our emotions, feelings, and often our thoughts. They said that if my problem is 1 meter, at most 10 centimeters is alcohol; the rest is me.  

That’s why I believe the steps can be of great benefit to everyone.

Now, let’s look at the process of taking the first step, which for me went something like this:

1.    B) I accepted that I am powerless over my emotions.  
2.    I accepted that I have no power over others.  
3.    B) I gave up hope that my emotional disturbances will eventually cease.  
4.    I became willing to change my way of thinking.  
5.    I realized that my life rarely turns out the way I planned.  
6.    I became aware that I can’t even manage my own life.  
7.    I recognized that I can’t change what happened in the past.  
8.    I realized that the future won’t be what I think it will be.  
9.    I accepted that the present moment is always what it is.  

Aid for the Step:

As an introduction, I recommend that you:

-    Attend EA meetings.  
-    Observe the emotions, feelings, and thoughts that come up in your peers’ shares.  
-    Notice when they talk about powerlessness or unmanageability.  
-    Read A.A. and/or E.A. literature.  

1.C) I ADMITTED THAT I AM POWERLESS OVER THINGS, PEOPLE, AND SITUATIONS – THAT MY LIFE HAS BECOME UNMANAGEABLE. (HT)

Why not with the ego?

Because when I took this step, I had not yet heard of the ego. I was struggling with alcohol, but in AA they told me to believe that we are not only powerless over alcohol, but also over things, people, and situations. They said that if my problem is 1 meter, then 10 centimeters is alcohol, and the rest is me. Of course, they were referring to the ego, but at that time I did not understand this; it only became clear in the later steps.

But how did I take this step?

Well, it certainly wasn’t in a moment. I arrived at the understanding of my total powerlessness regarding both the ego and control over my life through many small steps.

Now let’s look at the process of taking the first step, which for me went something like this:

1. I accepted that I am powerless over things, events, and phenomena.
2. I accepted that I have no power over others.
3. I gave up the hope that one day the world would make me happy.
4. I became willing to change my way of thinking.
5. I became aware that my life rarely unfolds as I planned.
6. I realized that I cannot even control my own life.
7. I became aware that I cannot change the events of the past.
8. I became aware that the future will not be as I think it will be.
9. It became acceptable to me that the present moment is always as it is.

Guidelines for the step:

As an introduction, I recommend:

- Attend many Hawkins group meetings.
- Go to any open meetings of self-help groups (AA, NA, GA, OA, SLAA, EA, CODA, ACA).
- Observe the addictions, emotions, and thoughts that appear in members’ shares.
- Notice when they talk about powerlessness or uncontrollability.
- Read AA and other spiritual literature.

1.1. I accepted that I have no power over alcohol. (AA)

I hope you’ve read the recommended literature! Well, the Alcoholics Anonymous (Big Book) states in "There Is a Solution" (Chapter 2):
"A real alcoholic:

- When he starts to drink, he completely loses control over alcohol.
- When he drinks, he does absurd, incredible, and tragic things.
- He reacts to alcohol differently than a 'normal' person.
- No matter how little alcohol he consumes, something happens (in body and soul) that makes it impossible for him to stop."

Based on this description, I had to realize that I am a true ALCOHOLIC!

On page 23, in paragraph 4, it states:

"The fact is that most alcoholics, for reasons not yet clarified, lose the ability to make decisions about drinking. Their so-called willpower virtually ceases to exist. They are defenseless against the first glass."

I am alcohol-sensitive, allergic to alcohol, because all of this is true for me. When the drug (chemical) called alcohol enters my body:

1. I feel immediately and significantly better.
2. I want to drink even more.

Based on this, I must accept that I have no power over alcohol. I must accept that I cannot control my drinking. I must accept that I am powerless when alcohol enters my body!

ACCEPTING the unacceptable! – this is the greatest source of grace.

Guidelines for the step-part:

Write down (think about) what you think generally:

- What is alcohol for; how do people use it? And how do you use it?
- How does a normal (average) person drink? And how do you drink?
- What could it mean to be a social drinker? Are you one?
- What can we call problematic drinking? Do you have problems with your drinking style?
- Does alcohol affect everyone the same way? How does it affect you?
- Can everyone control their drinking equally? How well can you control it?
- Can psychological dependence develop from alcohol? Have you experienced signs of this?
- Can social (interpersonal) dependence develop from alcohol? Have you experienced signs of this?
- Can habitual (customary) dependence develop from alcohol? Have you experienced signs of this?
- Can physical dependence develop from alcohol? Have you experienced signs of this?

Write down any experience that supports that:

- You are powerless over alcohol, that you have no power over it.

1.1.A) I accepted that I am powerless over many substances and methods. (GenA)

My main problem back then was alcohol, but I also had addictions to several other substances and methods. For example, I was addicted to nicotine, to say nothing else. I quit smoking 2 years after I quit drinking. I also used caffeine, but I didn't feel dependent on it. I could go for days without coffee, although I did experience withdrawal symptoms during that time.

I was a big fan of sex. And I could really get upset if I didn't have access to it for some reason. Another pleasure of mine was eating. For example, I loved creamy pastries. In fact, I still love them today, but I no longer use them to feel better. I was also hooked on working out and later running. And I had one more big problem, which caused most of my suffering: the desire for control, that is, the immense ego...

Fortunately, I joined the Alcoholics Anonymous community before I drank myself to death. There I realized that I had always been drinking to feel good, and it went so well that I became addicted to it. Any other (external) excuse can only be seen as an explanation to reduce my guilt.

However, after my successful recovery from alcohol, it became easier for me to get rid of cigarettes, compulsive exercise, unnecessary calories, and other annoying dependencies. I'm not saying I don't have any now, but it is certain that they do not cause suffering. And perhaps that is the point.

Guidelines for the step-part:

Write down (think about) what:

- What psychoactive substances (e.g., alcohol, caffeine, nicotine) do people use?
- What drugs do you use?
- What mood-enhancing behaviors (e.g., gambling, sex, shopping) exist?
- Which ones do you use?
- What are these substances and methods for? What do people use them for?
- And what do you use them for?
- Does every drug or hobby affect everyone the same way?
- Can psychological dependence develop from certain substances (methods)?
- Have you experienced signs of psychological dependence with any substance (method)?
- Can social (interpersonal) dependence develop from certain substances (methods)?
- Have you experienced signs of social dependence with any substance (method)?
- Can habitual (customary) dependence develop from certain substances (methods)?
- Have you experienced signs of habitual dependence with any substance (method)?
- Can physical dependence develop from certain substances (methods)?
- Have you experienced signs of physical dependence with any substance (method)?
- Is it possible to overcome one dependency only for another to emerge?
- Do certain dependencies cause mental suffering?

- Does it cause mental suffering if we cannot control something? Write examples!

  - Natural disasters
  - Epidemics, diseases
  - Accidents
  - Politics, etc.

Write down any experience that supports that:

- You are powerless regarding your dependencies.
- You cannot control your passions.
- You are powerless over a lot of other things as well.
- You do not control most of the phenomena in the world.

1.1.B) I accepted that I am powerless over my feelings. (EA)

Why am I so helpless in the face of my feelings? And how can I even accept this? My parents and guardians have always tried to get me to control my feelings, my emotions, or at least my behavior that these provoke.

I work as a mental health professional in a prison. I know that behavior cannot really be regulated, even with punishment and praise. Our behavior is the result of our ingrained habits and (mis)beliefs, and our momentary emotional state also greatly influences it. Behavior is a summary result of our personality, our belief system, our way of thinking, and the emotions and feelings that arise as a result of these.

But can we regulate our emotions? What are emotions for, anyway? Basic emotions appeared in the animal kingdom even before the development of speech, and they mainly serve communication purposes. When one person (or animal) sees that another is angry, they can assume that the other will attack. This is useful knowledge. Anger is also useful for the attacker – in its own way – because it releases adrenaline, which makes them stronger. Emotions often arise spontaneously, without any voluntary activity. They are also perceptible to the outside world; this is non-verbal communication, but we also feel them ourselves.

Our emotions are fundamentally connected to our thoughts and intentions. But sometimes they come before our thoughts, and sometimes they follow them. For example, if I think that someone wants to harm me, I will get angry with them – here, the thought came first. But there are also times when I feel anxious and find the reason (rationalization) for it in the fact that I must be depressed because of the pandemic. Regulating our thoughts is practically as futile an attempt as regulating our emotions. Most of our thoughts (according to some psychologists, 95% of them) do not even reach our consciousness.

Psychology calls the subjective (internal) experience of emotions feelings. But these can fundamentally only be two types: either positive (good) or negative (bad) feelings. In contrast to these, we are completely helpless. Because when the feeling arises, it is already too late. A bad feeling, for example, arises as a result of a negative emotion (such as shame, guilt, self-pity, sadness, fear, longing, anger) coming into being within us. Unfortunately, there are also times when our brain sends stupid signals to our body without any emotional background, and we simply feel bad. And this can happen to anyone, at any time. When I was younger, I often felt like “depression would hit me,” and I felt infinitely lonely even though I was surrounded by loving people.

Today, I can accept that my emotions and feelings come and go; I do not attribute tragic significance to this. The 12-step program, however, has helped me experience fewer bad feelings. It has given me numerous mental (spiritual) tools that allow me not to try to control the established emotional situation, but rather I have transformed my way of thinking so that far fewer negative thoughts and emotions arise in my mind, so I feel bad much less often.

Guideline for the step-section:

Write down (reflect on) how you think:

- How does an average person manage their feelings?
- What does “feeling” even mean?
- How are emotions created?
- What are emotions for?
- What are positive and negative emotions?
- What is the relationship between feelings, emotions, and thoughts?
- What does emotional stability mean?
- What does emotional lability mean?
- What are the consequences of unstable emotions?

Write down any experience you have that supports the idea that:

- You are helpless in relation to your feelings and emotions.

1.1.C) I have accepted that I am helpless in relation to things, events, and phenomena. (HT)

I have always learned that life is about control. About planning, execution, and celebrating results. We deal with scientific matters to foresee and thus control our future. We will be happy when things unfold as we planned.

In contrast, in real life, I have faced a lot of things that I could not control, which had a serious impact on my life. Just to give an example, I graduated as a hopeful mechanical engineer from the University of Technology in 1987. Just 3 (!) years later, the Hungarian machinery industry
– without any prior warning – collapsed completely, and all my engineering dreams evaporated.

But to give a more current example, I am completely helpless regarding the Covid situation. I do not determine when, where, and under what circumstances I work, rest, or live. In the past year, I have not been to the gym or choir practice, even though weightlifting and singing are my two fundamental hobbies. Oh, and I won’t even mention the sauna…

At the same time, if I don’t want to cause myself too much suffering, I must accept that a plethora of things are beyond my “jurisdiction.” I have no influence over the weather, the economy, or politics. I have no power over nature or society, and even my own body ages according to its own program, whether I like it or not.

However, my strength lies in recognizing my powerlessness. There is no suffering when there is acceptance! I can live in peace with the world and with myself if I accept things as they are.

Guideline for the step-section:

Write down (reflect on) whether you have power over the following:

- Weather
- Natural disasters
- Illnesses, pandemics
- Accidents, crimes
- Economy, Politics
- Religions, worldviews

Write down any experience you have that supports the idea that:

- You do not control most phenomena in the world.
- You are helpless regarding a lot of social issues.
- You don’t have much to do with public affairs either.
- The world is what it is.

1.2. I have accepted that I have no power over others. (AA, NA, EA, HT)

The first step says that not only can I not control alcohol (or other drugs, my feelings, or my ego), but I also cannot control my life. In conversations with my sponsor and my peers, I realized that my life was not just uncontrollable due to the addictive substances and methods, but that often things turned out very differently than I wanted—regardless of my passions.

Before I started dealing with my own uncontrollability, I admitted that I could not control many other things and many other people. I am helpless when it comes to things, situations, and people. For example, my relationship with my fellow human beings has never been carefree because I had serious expectations of them. I expected, for example, that they would act “correctly,” that they could be trusted, that they would be honest with me, and similar things. Then, when my expectations were not met, I became disappointed, frustrated, and felt bad.

This, of course, made me crave alcohol. I had to admit that I could not control the thoughts, feelings, actions, and behaviors of others. It is best not to strive for that at all. At AA meetings, I also heard that I should not follow the steps of others, but my own. This is a “selfish program,” they said. It’s about me; I need to focus on myself and put my own spiritual development at the center of my thinking. I have to stop sticking my nose into other people’s business, reacting to others, and judging others.

I also began to practice this letting-go and accepting mindset. For example, when I was frustrated with someone who wasn’t doing what I expected, I increasingly found myself asking:
 
- Did he really have to do what I expected of him?
- Did he really not do it right the way he did?
- Am I really the one who knows what he should do?
- Am I really the one who knows what is good for others?
- Is he really wrong?
- Am I really the one who knows who is good and who is bad?
- Could it be that he did it right?
- Could it be that he is good?

Guide for the step section:
 
Write down (reflect on) why it is important for people to act correctly.

- How does it feel to see others acting incorrectly?
- Why is it important for those close to you to behave according to your expectations?
- When and how were you disappointed by those closest to you?
- Why would you like to trust others?
- How do you try to get people to do what is necessary?

Think of a case when you were frustrated or disappointed by someone who did not do what you expected of them. Consider the following:
 
- Did he really have to do what you expected of him?
- Did he really not do it right the way he did?
- Am I really the one who knows what he should do?
- Am I really the one who knows what is good for others?
- Is he really wrong?
- Am I really the one who knows who is good and who is bad?
- Could it be that he did it right?
- Could it be that he is good?

Write down any experience you have that supports the idea that:

- You have no power over others.
- Everyone is who they are.

1.3. I have given up hope that I will ever be a social drinker again. (AA)

“Deep down in our soul, we must admit that we are alcoholics. This is the first step toward recovery. We must discard the illusion that we are, or soon will be, like other people. We, the alcoholics, have lost our ability to drink in moderation. We know that no true alcoholic ever regains this ability.” – Big Book, page 29.

Slightly differing from the above quote, I didn’t “lose” the ability to drink normally; I never drank normally to begin with. But that’s in the past, and I’m not going to tell you about my past drinking habits. I don’t think memories related to drinking would deter anyone from drinking. I believe that a relapse is not prevented by “remembering the last drunkenness,” but by following through with the steps.

While attending AA meetings, I noticed that most of those who relapse are the ones who think that since they haven’t drunk for a while, they could now drink normally. But they cannot.

For me, “giving up hope for normal drinking” came more easily when I observed at meetings how much better those felt who were not preoccupied with how to avoid getting drunk but those who no longer even wanted to drink. “Stick with the winners!” – I heard at the meetings. 

So I decided that instead of following the “dry” companions, I would follow the “sobering” members of AA. I began to focus on their shares. And it became clear to me that the better someone feels, the further along they are in the 12-step program.

Guide for the step section:

Write down (reflect on) whether you have ever heard that alcoholism can be hereditary.

- Do you think it is possible that alcohol sensitivity is a genetic trait?
- Have you ever met people who drank problematically and then started drinking normally again?
- Have you ever met people who stopped drinking entirely thanks to their strong will?
- Have you ever met people who were turned into social drinkers by a doctor or psychologist?
- Do you know anyone whose craving for alcohol disappeared due to medication?

Write down any experience you have that supports the idea that:

- Alcoholism cannot be cured by human power (willpower, medications, psychology, etc.).
- The 12-step program can offer real help to real alcoholics.

1.3.A) I have given up hope that I will ever use drugs in a controlled manner. (GenA)

When I quit smoking two years after my sobriety, I repeated two important self-programming sentences until they became a part of my reality:
 
1. I feel good without cigarettes.
2. I won’t allow nicotine into my body.

The first served to let go of the psychological dependency. The second was used because I knew that if I tried to smoke even a single cigarette or take a puff from an e-cigarette, I would almost certainly buy a whole pack the next day. But I kept myself away from all kinds of nicotine substitutes (patches, pills, gum) as well.

I accepted that I am sensitive (allergic) to nicotine, so even the smallest amount would trigger me to fall back into its trap. I accepted that this situation will never change for the rest of my life. But since I feel good without cigarettes today, my nicotine sensitivity doesn’t bother me at all.

Guide for the step section:

Write down (reflect on) whether you have met anyone who became a substance addict and then returned to normality?

- Have you met anyone who, thanks to their strong will, quit a drug?
- Have you met anyone who was permanently weaned off a drug by a doctor or psychologist?
- Do you know anyone whose dependency disappeared as a result of medication?
- Do you know anyone who suffered a lot mentally but was cured?
- Do you know anyone who was helpless but regained control?
- Do you know anyone who controls everything?

Write down any experience you have that supports the idea that:
- Emotional suffering cannot be cured by human power (willpower, medications, psychology).
- The 12-step program can offer real help to those striving for peace of mind.

1.3.B) I have given up hope that my emotional disturbances will ever completely cease. (EA)

“Deep down in our soul, we must admit that we are alcoholics. This is the first step toward recovery. We must discard the illusion that we are, or soon will be, like other people. We, the alcoholics, have lost our ability to drink in moderation. We know that no true alcoholic ever regains this ability.” – writes the Big Book of Alcoholics Anonymous on page 29.

Then let’s translate how it would sound in the EA form, something like this: “Deep down in our soul, we must admit that we struggle with serious emotional disturbances. This is the first step toward recovery. We must discard the illusion that we are, or soon will be, like other people.

We know that neither a doctor, nor medication, nor a psychologist or psychiatrist can turn us into normal people from one moment to the next.”

As a mental helper, I have encountered many people suffering from emotional disturbances, from anxiety and depression to Borderline (Emotionally Unstable Personality Disorder) and psychosis. Unfortunately, I must say that no matter how much improvement someone shows in their condition, I have never experienced complete recovery, despite the fact that—in the institutions where I work—the best psychiatrists and the most modern medications are available to us.

With my own life experiences, I can confirm that there may always be situations where an emotion overcomes me, or I feel bad for some reason, no matter how stable my peace of mind may otherwise be. Emotions are like thoughts: they come and go, often inexplicably. And they cause bad feelings. The essence is that I do not have to blame myself for them, and I do not have to experience deep emotional suffering.

Guide for the step section:

Write down (reflect on) whether you have met anyone whose emotional disturbances have completely ceased.

- Have you met anyone who was made normal by a doctor?
- Do you know anyone who was cured of their emotional disturbances as a result of medication?

Write down any experience you have that supports the idea that:

- Emotional instability cannot be cured by medical methods.
- The 12-step program can offer real help to those striving for peace of mind.

1.3.C) I have given up hope that the world will ever make me happy. (HT)

In my younger years, I mainly expected happiness from things turning out as they should. My own ideas weren't always guiding me; very often, I wanted to meet the expectations of others and hoped for happiness from the recognition I received for that.

Career goals, family, having children, hobbies, social activities, money, entertainment, and similar things were on my mind when I dreamed of happiness. The concept of "inner peace" wasn't even part of my active vocabulary at that time. Then, results started coming in: I became a departmental head at the ministry, I had two beautiful children with my loving wife, we bought our own apartment, and we even had a car, yet I was not happy. I didn’t feel good.

In fact, I didn’t always feel good even as a child. I wasn’t a very happy kid. Yet I could have been.

My life circumstances didn't necessarily predestine me for unhappiness. Sure, there was some alcoholism in the family, a bit of scuffling, constant poverty, but we didn’t starve. Still, I was often depressed and constantly anxious. At a very young age, I turned to various mood-enhancing products, such as alcohol, cigarettes, coffee, food, competition, egoism, etc. I became addicted to these things. Yet I was still not happy. Sometimes I would pause one of my passions, and I wouldn’t become happy then either. And this went on for decades.

Then, when I joined AA and started the program, they told me not to focus on the world and others. I should focus on myself and my spiritual growth. If I prioritize spirituality, I could discover a new freedom and happiness. After a while, I might understand what serenity is and get to know peace. That’s what they promised me there. And they kept their promise.

Step Section Guide:

Write down (reflect on) the following:

- What things did you think would bring you happiness in the past?

- Family, children?
- Education, career?
- Money, power?
- Hobbies, activities?
- Other?
- How long have you been happy in your life?
- Are you currently happy?
- If yes, what forms the basis of your happiness?
- If no, what do you think could make you happy? Are you sure about that?

Write down any experiences you have that support the idea that:

- The things of the world do not make you happy.
- Spiritual development can lead to inner peace and happiness.

1.4. I became willing to change my way of thinking.

"Few try to honestly apply the AA program if they haven’t hit their own rock bottom. [...] When we uncover the fatality of our situation, then, and only then, do we become as unbiased and open-hearted as a dying person can be. At this point, we are ready to do anything that can free us from this relentless obsession." – 12 Steps and 12 Traditions, p. 24.

After I hit my rock bottom, I was ready to do anything. I became willing to give up alcohol. At the same time, my peers told me that sobriety alone is not enough. Without spiritual growth, there is no sobriety because there is no spiritual health. This is true not just in relation to alcohol but also to any other mood-enhancing substances, methods, and medications. Moreover, this is also true for the suffering caused by the ego.

My sponsor always said things like:

- If you don’t grow, you will fall back!
- Change, or you will die!

At meetings, I heard things like:

- If my problem is 1 meter, 10 centimeters of that is alcohol (the substance), the rest is "me."
- "We must eradicate self-centeredness." (as written in the Big Book)

I realized that until now, I always thought that what I think is the truth. However, if my problems mostly stem from my way of thinking, then I need to let go of the desire to always be right and allow the program to work on me.

The AA program, however, gave me hope that it could "reprogram" my life-threatening self-centered way of thinking. That’s why I committed myself to the program. Today, I feel good even without any mood-enhancing substances or methods, thanks to the radical transformation of my way of thinking.

Step Section Guide:

Write down (reflect on) the following:

- If you try to do everything the same way you always have, what will change?
- If you don’t change, what will change?
- If you don’t change your thoughts, will your feelings change?
- If you don’t change your thoughts, will your actions and behavior change?
- If you don’t change your thoughts, will your physical symptoms cease?
- If you don’t change your way of thinking, will your thoughts change?
- If you change your way of thinking, could your mind become healthier?
- If you change your mind, will the world change?

Write down any experiences you have, any observations that support the idea that:

- Changing your way of thinking can lead to recovery and inner peace.

1.5. I realized that my life rarely turns out the way I plan.

I have long known the saying, "Man plans, God laughs." But I never took it seriously. I always believed in the realization of plans. However, I never really conducted a true inventory of the realization of my old plans. In retrospect, I have to say that my life has rarely turned out the way I planned. I completed a university degree, but after a few years, I was no longer working in that field. I got married and pledged eternal fidelity, yet it ended in divorce. I thought that I would become the honorary citizen of my hometown when I grew older, but now I have not only moved away from that city but also from the country.

Knowing others, talking to others, listening to others' shares, reading others' posts, I have the same feeling. Life rarely turns out the way people plan. I think the ego is the great planner. The ego wants to know the future in advance, so it weaves plans. And it can be very frustrated if its plans do not materialize.

For a long time, I believed that I had to control my life. This too was the ego. My ego also believed that it had to control the lives of others if it wanted its plans to come true as it imagined. But it’s quite difficult to control the lives of others when it’s impossible to control my own life. This constantly led to tension, frustration, and suffering. And, of course, to drinking. After all, drinking was my only "effective" tool for dealing with suffering.

Today, I know that my life was not only uncontrollable because of alcohol but also because of my self-centered way of thinking. And just as I will never be able to control alcohol, I will never be able to control the events of my life.

I cannot lull myself into the belief that now that I don't drink, everything will happen as I want it to. Because it won't. And then I will be frustrated. And then it might even cross my mind that I should drink. But I don’t want that anymore. That’s why I find peace in the fact that I am not the "great planner," I am not the "great controller." And that’s fine!

The question may arise: do I still make plans these days? Of course: I write down my tasks in my calendar so that I don’t forget them.

Step Section Guide:

Write down (reflect on) the following:

- What childhood dreams have come true?
- What and how has been realized from your plans from ten years ago?
- How much of the past few years has gone as you planned?
- How much of last month went as you planned?
- And last week, or today?

Write down any experiences you have that support the idea that:

- Your life rarely turns out the way you plan.

1.6. I realized that I cannot even control my own life.

After realizing that my life almost never turns out the way I planned, my sense of "Man plans, God laughs" grew stronger. I began to think more and more that there are "Higher Powers." That what I plan or think is not that important. That these plans and thoughts are merely the ego's attempts to have more than others.

When I was frustrated about something that did not go as I planned, I could increasingly ask myself:

- Is it sure that it would have been good the way I planned it?
- Is it sure that it’s not good the way it is?
- Am I sure that I know what is good and what is bad?
- Could it be good the way it is?
- What is good about how it is?

I realized that to judge good and bad, I would need to know so much, and I am so little that it’s better for me to give up the effort to control my own life or even the lives of others. It’s better for everyone this way!

Guideline for the Step Section:

Imagine that you are frustrated about something that didn't go as planned. Consider the following:

- Is it certain that things would have been better as I planned?
- Is it certain that things are not good as they are?
- Am I sure that I know what is good and what is bad?
- Could it be good as it is?
- What is good about the way it is?

Write down any experiences that support the idea that:

- You can't control your own life.
- You don’t need to control everything.

1.7. I realized that I cannot change the events of the past.

What happened, happened. It cannot be changed. The past is gone. But there are consequences to what happened in the past. My memory retains these consequences. My memory does not preserve the events themselves. It is impossible to remember everything. My memory notes what I think about things that happened in the past, what emotions are related to them, and what feelings they evoked at the time. It is well-known (at least, that’s what I learned in psychology) that more emotionally charged events are better etched in memory. Unfortunately, negative emotional charges tend to stick a bit more strongly than positive ones.

When I recall past events, mainly the feelings associated with those events come to mind. Therefore, I must be cautious whenever I dwell on the past. I need to know that these are just feelings, just fleeting thoughts, and not the facts at all. As many people as there are, that's how many ways there are to remember the same thing. Police investigators could surely tell great stories about this.

However, if the feelings related to memories of the past arise in my brain, then perhaps I—or a Higher Power—could also influence these feelings. For example, when I resent myself or others for what happened in the past, this resentment can be released. But this will be addressed in Step 4.

In the meantime, I know that what I think about the past is not reality at all. There is only one reality, and that is the present moment.

Guideline for the Step Section:

Write down (think about it) the following:

- What does the past actually consist of?
- How reliable are your memories?
- Are you sure that things happened the way you remember them?
- Are you sure it would have been better if things had happened differently?
- What makes you think that if things had happened differently, it would be better for everyone now?

Write down any experiences that support the idea that:

- Events of the past cannot be changed.
- And it’s not worth it either.

1.8. I realized that the future will not be as I think it will be.

What does the future mean to me? Plans, desires, ideas, expectations. I have already realized that the events of my life rarely turned out as I planned, or rather, as my ego (the "great planner") planned them. Sometimes I even start to see that this might not be a bad thing after all.

My desires have only been partially fulfilled so far, so it’s likely that I will have unfulfilled longings in the future as well. Until I recognize that those things I long for are not necessary for my inner peace.

My ideas—let’s say about what the world will be like in the future—are completely insignificant. They hold no importance since the world will not be as I imagine it now.

My expectations—if I still have any—are almost certainly not going to be fulfilled. This would cause frustration, so it’s better if I give up formulating expectations about the future, the future development of the world, or the future behavior of others. It’s better to focus ONLY on TODAY.

Guideline for the Step Section:

Write down (think about it) the following:

- Is it important for you to know your own future in advance?
- Who is it really that wants to know the future?
- Are you sure that those things you desire are absolutely necessary for your inner peace?
- Does it matter what your idea of the world’s future is?
- What will happen if your expectations about the future are not met?

Write down any experiences that support the idea that:

- The future did not turn out as you thought it would before.
- Sometimes, it’s better that way.

1.9. It has become acceptable to me that the present moment is always what it is.

Perhaps I don’t need to explain how dangerous stress, frustration, and emotional suffering can be in terms of a potential relapse into egoism and other addictions. Since I started accepting the present moment as it is, I have freed myself from a lot of unnecessary tension. Questions like:

- Why me?
- Why do I need this?
- Why did this have to happen?
- Why is it this way?
- Why isn’t it the way I planned?
- Why isn’t it the way I wanted?
- Why is he/she like this?
- Why does he/she do this?
- Why doesn’t he/she do what he/she should?

Besides, questions that start with "why":

1. Always somewhat question reality, thus they are misleading.
2. To answer them, we would need to possess all the knowledge in the world, so they are meaningless.

For my spiritual development, questions that start with "how" have proven to be much more useful, for example:

- How can I make the most of today?
- How can I promote my spiritual development today?
- How can I best help my fellow humans today?
- How can I give the most to the world today?

Guideline for the Step Section:

Examine how often you think the following:

- Why me?
- Why do I need this?
- Why did this have to happen?
- Why is it this way?
- Why isn’t it the way I wanted, the way I planned?
- Why is he/she like this?
- Why does he/she do this?
- Why doesn’t he/she do what he/she should?

Write down any experiences that support the idea that:

- The present moment is always what it is.

Think about the following:

- How can I make the most of today?
- How can I promote my spiritual development today?
- How can I best help my fellow humans today?
- How can I give the most to the world today?

1.10. Review Questions – for Step 1

Before we move on to Step 2, take a moment for self-reflection. Answer the following questions for yourselves:

1. Have you definitively accepted that you have no power over alcohol? (AA)
   a. Have you accepted that you are powerless regarding many substances and methods? (NA)
   b. Have you accepted that you are powerless over your feelings? (EA)
   c. Have you accepted that you are powerless over certain things? (HT)

2. Have you accepted that you have no power over others?

3. Do you hope that you can be a social drinker someday? (AA)
   a. Do you hope that you can use substances in a controlled way someday? (NA)
   b. Do you hope that your emotional disturbances will cease someday? (EA)
   c. Do you still hope that the world will make you happy someday? (HT)

4. Are you willing to change your way of thinking?
5. Have you realized that your life rarely turns out as you planned?
6. Have you become aware that you cannot even control your own life?
7. Have you realized that you cannot change the past? Have you accepted this as a fact?
8. Do you know that the future will not be as you think it will be? Have you accepted this as a fact?
9. Do you accept the present moment—under all circumstances—as it is?

Brief Explanations for the Review Questions of Step 1:

1. Many have died in the fantasy of controlled drinking/drug use/feelings/events.
2. No one does what we would expect from them. The desire to control others leads to frustration, which can bring us back to drinking (using).

3. A problem drinker will never become a social drinker. This is a scientific fact.
   a. A problem user or other addict will never become a "normal" person.
   b. Emotional disturbances never completely cease. But one can live with them.
   c. It is not external circumstances that make one happy, but inner peace.
4. "I can't" always means "I don't want." Therefore, willingness is important.
5. Man plans, God laughs!
6. The desire and delusion of control have caused many relapses.
7. The past does not exist at all. We have vague memories from which we fabricate colorful stories for ourselves to continue suffering...
8. It won't be that way! But it may not even be similar. But that’s not a problem...
9. You feel bad about your life precisely because you do not accept it as it is.

Recommended Readings

Which have given me a lot for my spiritual development (that is, for taking the 12 steps):

- Alcoholics Anonymous (AA) Big Book
- Twelve Steps and Twelve Traditions (AA)
- Karen Casey: Change Your Mind
- Béla Balogh: The Ten Commandments of the Subconscious
- Eckhart Tolle: The Power of Now
- Dr. David R Hawkins: Power vs. Force
- Dr. David R Hawkins: The Eye of Eternity
- Sri Ramana Maharshi: Who Am I?
- Sri Nisargadatta Maharaj: I AM That
- A Course in Miracles
- New Testament
- The Discourses of Buddha
- Bhagavad Gita