“It is easy to stop the spiritual action program and rest on our laurels. If we do this, we are in for serious trouble because alcohol is a cunning adversary. We have not recovered from alcoholism. What we have achieved is a suspension of punishment, and its condition is the nurturing of spirituality.”
The way to nurture spirituality—not just for alcoholics—is through the use of a “spiritual toolkit.” One of its elements is self-examination. The Step Book states about this on page 90 in the second paragraph:
“The continuous examination of our faults and good traits, along with a sincere desire to develop through them, is necessary for us. We, alcoholics, have learned this painfully. It is natural that experienced individuals have always practiced strict self-examination and self-criticism everywhere. The wise have always known that until self-examination becomes a regular habit for us, we won’t get very far. Until we admit and are able to accept what self-examination reveals, and until we try to patiently correct what is wrong, we will not grow spiritually.”
I continuously engage in this self-examination in the following way:
I CONTINUE THE SELF-EXAMINATION AND IMMEDIATELY ADMIT WHEN I MAKE A MISTAKE.
As part of this:
I notice when I am not feeling well.
I recognize that if something disturbs me, I need to look for the fault within myself.
I know that excessive desires can cause a lot of suffering.
I no longer dwell on the past.
I am not afraid of the future.
I can recognize the negative emotions behind the bad feelings.
I can identify the thought patterns surrounding negative emotions.
I see that these thoughts are related to the bad feelings.
I am willing to change these thoughts.
I can let go of the egocentric way of thinking.
I can replace negative attitudes and approaches with positive ones.
I am willing to develop new, positive perspectives through practice.
Guide for the step:
As an introduction to step work:
Review Step 10 in the Step Book!
Attend meetings where Step 10 is discussed!
Talk with your sponsor about Step 10!
10.1. I notice when I am not feeling well.
The Step Book states in the second paragraph on page 91:
**“Although all self-examinations are fundamentally similar, they can still differ depending on when we conduct them.
There can be a quick check-in, which we can do at any time during the day, especially when we feel our emotions are boiling.
The other is done in the evening when we reflect on the events of the past day.”**
The second case is easier to grasp. I can even do it lying down after I get into bed. Just don’t fall asleep. However, in the first case, it was initially a challenge to recognize that my emotions were “boiling.”
I paid attention to my emotions: shame, guilt, self-pity, sadness, fear, anger, and a desire for revenge. Whenever these were within me, I always felt bad. I felt good only when feelings of joy, happiness, or peace surfaced. I observed that fundamentally, I feel in two ways: good or bad.
If I want to catch my exaggerated negative emotions, it is essential for me to recognize when I feel bad. This is not that simple because for decades I practiced showing people outwardly that I felt good. I often tended to overlook that I felt bad. Yet, the honest admission of this—to myself—is the first step towards successful self-examination.
Guide for the step section:
Reflect on the past few hours and try to remember:
Was there a moment when you felt good?
What emotions were you experiencing at that time? Joy? Happiness? Peace?
What thoughts were going through your mind during this time?
Was there a moment when you felt bad?
What emotions were you experiencing then? Anger? Fear? Sadness?
What thoughts were going through your mind during this time?
Did you have any strong physical symptoms while feeling bad?
10.2. I recognize that if something disturbs me, I need to look for the fault within myself.
The Step Book states on page 92:
“A fundamental spiritual principle is that whenever something disturbs us, the problem lies within us. If someone hurts us, and it pains us, we are also at fault. Are there any exceptions to this? For example, ‘justified’ anger? If someone betrays us, do we not have the right to be angry? Is anger towards hypocrites not justified? For us, A.A. members, these ‘exceptions’ are dangerous. We have learned that justified anger should be left to those who can manage it better. Few people have caused as much damage with resentment as we alcoholics have. It doesn’t matter much whether this resentment was justified or unjustified. The flare-up of our anger can ruin an entire day. [...] Such emotional ‘dry drunk’ episodes often lead directly to drinking. Other disturbances—like jealousy, envy, self-pity, and resentment—yield the same results. A quick check-in, conducted in the midst of such a disturbed state, can be very helpful in calming our stormy emotions.”
Thus, I must be able to recognize disturbed states within myself, as suffering disrupts my spiritual peace and can lead me back to drinking, substance use, or other faulty behavior patterns. For a long time, I used substances to improve my emotional state when I felt bad. Alcohol was my main “substance” that helped to alleviate bad feelings, but I also used nicotine, caffeine, sweets, and sex for this purpose. So, if I recognize within myself that I am not feeling well, I must immediately begin the quick check-in and determine what is causing the suffering.
In recent years, I have observed the following in myself that can cause suffering:
Exaggerated emotions (shame, guilt, self-pity, sadness, resentment, bitterness, anger, anxiety, arrogance)
Excessive longing (for new experiences, intimacy, or material possessions)
Not living in the present (obsessive dwelling on the past or fear of the future)
Thus, during my quick check-ins, I first examine which case applies. Then I dig even deeper. I will write about this in the following sections.
Guide for the step section:
Write down (reflect on) whether:
Is there such a thing as justified anger?
Is there legitimate resentment?
Can suffering lead you back to drinking?
What most often causes you suffering?
Desires?
Emotions?
Thoughts?
Write down any experiences that support that:
If something disturbs you, there is something wrong with you.
You need to find the fault within yourself.
10.3. I know that my exaggerated desires can cause a lot of suffering.
In the previous section, I described that the following things generally cause me suffering:
- Excessive longing
- Not living in the present
- Overwrought emotions
Let’s start here with the first one! What do I usually long for? (Freely inspired by Maslow)
1. MATERIAL GOODS
Money, food, clothes, car, hi-fi
2. SECURITY
Housing, job, savings
3. SOCIAL RELATIONS
Friends, sex, love, recognition
4. ACTIVITIES, EXPERIENCES
Entertainment, sports, vacations, travel, golfing, concerts
5. SELF-ACTUALIZATION
Language skills, diploma, academic work, solo singing
So, when I recognize and admit that I feel bad or something disturbs me, I examine whether it’s my excessive desires causing this feeling, whether I have thoughts of this nature in my head:
- It would be nice to have a ...
- I need this ...
- Why don’t I have a ...
- I must have ...
- It would be good if ...
- I need to feel that ...
- I need ...
- I want ...
- I can’t live without ...
If so, I try to identify the object (subject or concept) of my desire. Then I realize that the given thing, person, or experience:
1. Isn’t really important!
2. I don’t necessarily need it!
At least not at this moment. The only reality outside of the present moment is the present moment itself. If I can honestly say, “I’m fine here and now,” then the tension dissolves, and my peace of mind increases.
“Just for today!” – says our slogan. What I need today, I will receive from the Higher Power. Moreover, it knows better than I do what is important and what I need.
So sooner or later, I will gradually receive the things I need. At least that’s my experience.
Guide for the step-part:
Write down (think about it) whether you long for the following:
- Material goods (food, clothing, car, money)
- Security (housing, job, savings)
- Social relations (friends, sex, love, recognition)
- Activities, experiences (entertainment, sports, travel)
- Self-actualization (knowledge, skills, fame)
If a strong desire arises in you for something, practice the following (or something similar):
- This isn’t really important right now!
- I don’t necessarily need this right now!
- I’m fine here and now!
Continue letting go of your lower-level desires according to 7.4:
I DO NOT LONG FOR MORE:
- energy
- money
- property
- security
- protection
- status
- profit
- advantage
- power, etc.
Practice the other task from step-part 6.5 (7.4) as well:
GOD! I HAVE NO DEMAND FOR
- being comforted
- being understood
- being loved
- etc.
10.4. I no longer dwell on the past.
Earlier, I wrote that the following things cause me suffering:
- Excessive longing
- Not living in the present
- Overwrought emotions
In the previous step-part, I dealt with the recognition and letting go of my excessive longings. Now let’s look at the signs that indicate I’m not living in the present:
- I dwell on the past (depression)
- I worry about the future (anxiety)
When I dwell on the past, my mind usually goes through the following depressive thoughts:
- What actually happened?
- Why did this happen? Why did it happen this way? Why not another way?
- Why did they do this? How could they do such a thing?
- Why did I do this? How could I have done such a thing?
- What must they think of me now?
- How could it be undone?
- I didn’t want it to be this way.
- I’ve sinned, I must suffer.
- I made a mistake, I’ll never be able to correct it.
- I caused harm, I’ll never be able to make amends, etc.
The first nine steps have practically completely transformed my egocentric faulty way of thinking, so such thoughts now arise very rarely.
Because:
- In the first step, I established that what happened has happened, and it cannot be changed. Moreover, what I think about the past is not the complete reality at all.
- Steps 2 and 3 convinced me that I do not control, and that this was also the case in the past.
- In step 4, I began to change my thoughts about the past. With the help of forgiveness, I let go of my resentments for what happened in the past.
- In step 5, I reported all my wrongdoings, past and present mistakes, to my sponsor. I became reinforced in the belief that I can make mistakes but can also make amends.
- In steps 8 and 9, I made amends for the grievances caused in the past.
After these, whatever comes up from my past, I do not wish to slam the door on it because I know that I can correct my mistakes at any time in the following ways:
1. If I make a mistake, I immediately admit it. First to myself, and if necessary, then to others as well. This way, I won’t later be overwhelmed by guilt for having done something wrong.
2. If I do see that I’ve done something wrong and caused harm, I try to make amends, as I learned in step 9.
Guide for the step-part:
Write down (think about it) whether:
- Do you ever find yourself pondering the past?
- Do bad feelings overcome you when you think about the past?
- Would you still like to change the past sometimes?
- Would you like to correct some of your blunders?
- Do you still hold resentment toward anyone?
- Do you regularly practice making amends?
If a painful thought arises from a past mistake, practice the following (or something similar):
- It seemed like a good idea at the time...
10.5. I am not afraid of the future.
In the previous step-part, I wrote about how when I do not live in the present, that is, when I do not realize the thought of "Just for today," I am either dealing with the past or the future. Worrying about the future (anxiety) causes suffering just like dwelling on the past, so when I do not feel good, I also tend to examine whether this is the case.
If so, I remind myself of the steps I’ve taken:
1. Step:
One element of the uncontrollability of my life is that the future will not be as I think it will be.
2. Step:
I do not control. There are greater forces than me. Moreover, everything is interconnected, so the future cannot be deduced from the past, no matter how much the ego may want to.
3. Step:
I don’t have to push my own (egocentric) ideas through at all costs. God knows better what is good for me than I do. It is worth entrusting the unfolding of my life to Him.
4. Step:
With the help of forgiveness, all resentment has vanished from me, so I no longer have to fear anyone or anything. Not even my own thoughts.
5. Step:
If negative thoughts arise in my mind, I can talk about them anytime with my fellow human beings, or even with God.
6. Step:
I was willing to recognize my egocentric desires and needs aimed at controlling the future.
7. Step:
I became capable of letting go of my egocentric desires and needs aimed at controlling the future.
8. and 9. Step:
I have received restitution for my debts to others, so I no longer have to fear that any element of my past will return negatively in the future.
I love people, I love God, I love the world. I also love the present moment.
Love and fear exclude each other. I have no fear.
Guide for the step section:
Write down (think about) whether:
- The future will be as we imagine it?
- The future follows from the past?
- We necessarily have to carry out our ideas about the future?
- Forgiveness can free us from fear?
- It is worth sharing our problems with others?
- Our ego needs can be recognized?
- It is possible to let go of our ego desires?
- Direct restitutions can resolve bad karma?
Write down any experience that supports the idea that:
- Love and fear exclude each other.
Practice the following (or something similar):
- I love God!
- I love the world created by God!
- I love people!
- I love the present moment!
10.6. I can recognize the negative emotions behind the bad feelings.
I previously stated that the following things can cause me suffering:
- Excessive longing
- Not living in the present
- Exaggerated emotions
I previously addressed the first two. Now let's look at the third. Most often, I feel bad when there are excessive negative emotions within me. This may seem obvious, but until I began with Step 4, I didn’t even know what those emotions were. I hadn’t dealt with them at all before. Sometimes I even denied them, not just to others but to myself as well.
It’s no coincidence that in our meetings, we encourage each other to try to uncover the often deeply hidden emotions. In my Step 4, I started looking into what emotions there even are. I reread the checklists on pages 51-52 of the Step Book. I delved a little into psychology (basic emotions) and religious concepts (the seven deadly sins) as well. I read various spiritual books. I found them useful.
Gradually, the scale of emotions became clearer to me (based on David R. Hawkins' map of consciousness). I’ll share with you the checklist I use when I want to grasp an emotion related to a feeling within myself. I move from the most negative to the most positive:
- Shame, humiliation
- Guilt, self-pity
- Apathy, despair
- Sorrow, sadness
- Fear, anxiety
- Longing, yearning
- Anger, hatred, desire for revenge
- Loneliness, isolation
- Contempt, pride
- Courage
- Trust
- Willingness
- Optimism
- Acceptance
- Understanding
- Gratitude
- Love
- Joy
- Happiness
- Peace
When I have a bad feeling (e.g., I feel a brick in my stomach), I mentally run through this list to see where I am emotionally. Naturally, I’m somewhere in the first half of the scale. After this, I continue my self-examination by analyzing my thoughts. I will write about this in the next section.
Guide for the step section:
When you feel bad, try to identify which emotions are behind it. What is your experience?
- Do you often feel shame, humiliation? Rarely? Often?
- Do you often feel guilt, self-pity? Rarely? Often?
- Do you often feel apathy, despair? Rarely? Often?
- Do you often feel sorrow, sadness? Rarely? Often?
- Do you often feel fear, anxiety? Rarely? Often?
- Do you often feel longing, yearning? Rarely? Often?
- Do you often feel anger, hatred, desire for revenge? Rarely? Often?
- Do you often feel loneliness, isolation? Rarely? Often?
- Do you often feel contempt, pride? Rarely? Often?
10.7. I can identify the thought patterns surrounding negative emotions.
I generally start the process of self-examination as follows:
1. I notice the bad feeling (in my stomach)
2. I recognize the negative emotion causing it (in my heart)
3. I identify the bad thoughts (in my mind)
From my experience, beyond recognizing emotions, self-brain exploration can be very useful when I try to bring to the surface the often subconscious thought content that my mind “manufactures.”
I started creating a checklist of my most common thoughts in Step 4. While working on Step 10, I expanded it further and grouped it around emotions. I’m sharing it here not because everyone should have these thoughts, but just as an example:
SHAME, HUMILIATION
- I am terribly ashamed.
- This is so humiliating!
- Maybe I’m going crazy.
- Life is miserable.
- I am the dregs of society.
- I am an animal!
- I don't belong among people.
- It was a mistake for me to be born.
- I feel miserable.
- It would be best to die!
GUILT, SELF-PITY
- I am guilty.
- I made myself sick.
- I ruined my environment.
- I caused harm to others.
- Is this God's punishment?
- Am I that evil?
- I messed something up badly.
- I have a guilty conscience.
- I might as well kill myself.
- Am I the one to blame?
APATHY, DESPAIR
- I ruined my life.
- I have lost everything.
- I haven't achieved anything.
- I have no more options.
- It didn't turn out the way I wanted.
- I don’t know where I went wrong.
- I can never change.
- Nothing works out for me.
- I don’t know what to do.
- Even the shit is disregarded.
SORROW, SADNESS
- I am sad.
- No one understands me.
- No one loves me.
- I am not important to anyone.
- I am pathetic.
- I am different from others.
- How could this happen?
- I am lonely.
- It will never be good for me again.
- I am in a very bad mood.
FEAR, ANXIETY
- Why did I do such things?
- What will happen to me now?
- I am nervous!
- What if I get sick?
- My future is completely hopeless.
- I will always owe others.
- What if things don’t turn out well?
- It is extremely important that they turn out well!
- What if I lose him?
- What if I die?
LONGING, YEARNING
- Suffering is inevitable.
- I will never get that now.
- I can never do that now.
- I need something like that!
- I need to be understood.
- I need to be loved.
- I have to win!
- I need to be right.
- I think I truly deserve this much.
- I know what I need.
ANGER, HATRED, DESIRE FOR REVENGE
- They want to harm me.
- They hurt me.
- Everyone is against me.
- Someone wants to screw me over, but I won’t let them.
- I will show them!
- They will get this back!
- I hate such idiots!
- Why doesn’t he do what he should?
- He should do what I say.
- I will stand up for myself!
LONELINESS, ISOLATION
- I am lonely.
- I have been abandoned.
- I have no one.
- No one helps me.
- There is no one I can trust.
- No one loves me.
- I am different from others.
- If he leaves me, I will die.
- I will die alone!
- I don’t deserve this.
CONTEMPT, PRIDE
- I am proud of my achievements.
- Why doesn’t he start the forgiveness?
- He has harmed me.
- He will come to me again!
- I will solve the problem!
- I am better than others.
- I am fine just the way I am.
- I will not change anymore.
- I know this better!
- I deserve this!
Guide for the step section:
Try to articulate what thoughts swirl in your mind when you experience the following emotions:
- Shame, humiliation
- Guilt, self-pity
- Apathy, despair
- Sorrow, sadness
- Fear, anxiety
- Longing, yearning
- Anger, hatred, desire for revenge
- Loneliness, isolation
- Contempt, pride
10.8. I see that thoughts are connected to bad feelings.
In the previous step, I shared how I generally conduct my thought inventory after recognizing the negative emotions behind the bad feelings. I have thought a lot about the connections between feelings, emotions, and thoughts. My fundamental goal is not to feel bad. What do I need to do for that? What should I change? The feelings? The emotions? Or the thoughts? But how?
In AA literature, I read that:
- I will not be sober until I can feel good without alcohol (or any other substance or method). Bad feelings can lead me back to drinking (and to old methods).
From psychology, I learned that:
- Feeling is the subjective experience of emotions. Essentially, there are two types: good feelings or bad feelings.
In some spiritual books, I read that:
- Thoughts (whether conscious or unconscious) generate emotions. Right thoughts generate positive emotions, while incorrect ones generate negative ones.
Elsewhere, I read that:
- The mind continuously produces thoughts. The nature of these thoughts also reflects our emotional state. Often, the mind explains why we feel what we feel (rationalization). We learned this in psychology as well.
And I didn’t come up with the idea that:
- Our thought processes and our relationship to the world are fundamentally influenced by our attitudes, our mindset, that is, our way of thinking. Our brains are like hardware programmed with our way of thinking (as software). This programming is primarily done by our environment (parents, peers, society), but we can also change it ourselves.
So, there are no pure cause-and-effect relationships; everything is interconnected. Therefore, it is worthwhile for me to be aware of every factor if I want to achieve appropriate self-awareness. In the next steps, I will also deal with my attitudes, as fundamentally, changing my way of thinking can bring the greatest results in improving my thoughts, emotions, and feelings.
My own operational model looks something like this:
A guide for the step section:
Write down (think about) whether:
- Negative thoughts can trigger bad feelings?
- Negative emotions can cause bad feelings?
- Bad thoughts can lead to a bad emotional state?
- A bad emotional state can disrupt our thinking?
- Mindset affects thoughts and emotions?
- Can the software of our mind be rewritten?
Write down any experiences you have that support:
- Bad programs can be overwritten.
- Our mindset can be changed.
10.9. I am willing to change my thoughts.
I intentionally did not write "my thoughts."
I do self-examination to ensure that I do not have bad feelings that can lead me back to drinking, drug use, or poorly functioning methods. Bad feelings are caused by negative emotions, which can largely be attributed to incorrect thoughts. However, the thoughts are not "owned" by me. They are not mine. They come and go. In the previous step, I wrote that the mind (the brain as inherited hardware) produces thoughts according to its way of thinking. The way of thinking is partly genetically derived, but largely formed by social upbringing (the "life experiences").
Therefore, if I want to change my bad feelings, I must recognize that the swirling thoughts in my head:
- Are not always intentional or conscious.
- I do not have to identify with them.
- Can also be incorrect.
- If they do not change, they generate the same emotions.
- Can be changed.
First of all, I must believe that I can change my thoughts. If I tell myself, "But I think this! How could I change it?", then I am on the wrong path.
For example, if I am angry because the neighbor is mowing the lawn at 7 a.m. on a Saturday, and I have thoughts like:
- "But he shouldn’t be mowing the lawn at this hour!"
- "I told him before, but he doesn’t care!"
- "I’ll show him that he can’t disregard me!"
Well, I have to recognize that these thoughts are incorrect and that they can be changed. If instead, I start looking for justifications, like "Right, dear, isn’t it outrageous that the neighbor mows the lawn so early?", then I will not get anywhere; the thought will not change. Without willingness, it won’t work.
To change thoughts, I essentially need to change my mindset (the software). I will write about this in the next part.
A guide for the step section:
Write down (think about) whether the swirling thoughts in your mind:
- Are they always conscious and intentional?
- Are you their "author"? Do they always characterize you?
- Can they also be incorrect?
- Do they always generate the same emotions?
- Can they be changed? How?
10.10. I can let go of ego-driven thinking.
I held that to fundamentally change thoughts, one must change the mindset (the software). This flawed software is discussed in the often-mentioned section on page 59 of the Big Book:
"Selfishness - egocentrism! We believe this is the root of all our problems. [...] We believe our troubles are actually caused by ourselves, stemming from within us. […] For us alcoholics [drug addicts, dependents, anyone], we must first free ourselves from egocentrism. We are compelled to do so, or it will destroy us!"
In Step 6, I dealt with recognizing the egocentric way of thinking, and in Step 7, with letting it go. Over the years, I have practiced a lot, so today it no longer poses a problem:
1. To let go of:
- negative emotions
- labeling
- judging
- dramatizing
- expectations of others
- demands on the world
2. To not consider important:
- my own opinion
- my own truth
- the attention of my environment
- the love of my acquaintances
- my own success
- my own victory
- my own happiness
- my own will
3. To not identify with:
- my life story
- my upbringing
- my schools
- my knowledge
- my abilities
- my work
- my relationships
- my appearance
- my family tree
- my nationality
- my illnesses
- my achievements
- my possessions
- my physical body
- my belief system
- my political views
- my social status
- my reactions
- my memories
- my emotions
- my opinions
- my thoughts
Since I have been practicing these releases, very few incorrect thoughts arise in my mind. As a result, I rarely experience negative emotions, so I increasingly feel well.
However, I have found that in addition to letting go of the negatives, it is worthwhile to focus on developing positive perspectives. I will write about that in the following sections.
Step Guide for the Section:
Write down (think about) whether you can let go of:
- negative emotions?
- labeling, judging?
- dramatizing?
- expectations of others?
- demands on the world?
Do you still consider important:
- your own opinion?
- your own truth?
- the attention of your environment?
- the love of your acquaintances?
- your own success?
- your own victory?
- your own happiness?
- your own will?
Do you still identify with:
- your life story?
- your upbringing?
- your schools?
- your knowledge?
- your abilities?
- your work?
- your relationships?
- your appearance?
- your nationality?
- your illnesses?
- your achievements?
- your possessions?
- your physical body?
- your belief system?
- your political views?
- your social status?
- your memories?
- your emotions?
- your opinions?
- your thoughts?
10.11. I can replace negative attitudes and mindsets with positive ones.
Since I have been practicing letting go of egocentric thinking, very few incorrect thoughts arise in my mind. Consequently, I rarely have negative emotions, and I increasingly feel well. However, I have found that alongside letting go of negatives, it is worthwhile to focus on developing positive perspectives.
The first step in this is to try to replace negative attitudes and mindsets with positive ones. Earlier (in Step 4), I mentioned that I inventory my flawed attitudes (based on the attitude list from David Hawkins' book "Power vs. Force"), and the following flawed attitudes surfaced:
- possessive
- guilty
- dependent
- combative
- hard
- indebted
- pitying
- law-abiding
- competitive
Generally, my incorrect thoughts stem from these attitudes, which (whether consciously or subconsciously) lead to inappropriate actions.
I searched for the positive counterparts of these and started practicing them daily:
- I am honest, not law-abiding!
- I am peaceful, not combative!
- I am trusting, not dependent!
- I am understanding, not pitying!
- I am responsible, not guilty!
- I am gentle, not hard!
- I am grateful, not indebted!
- I am striving, not competitive!
- I exist, not possessive!
Thanks to these practices and programming, my attitude toward the world is much better today. If, during self-examination related to Step 10, I find that an old flawed attitude has resurfaced (for example, I disrespected someone because I thought I had to be tough with people), then I practice the relevant topic again: I am gentle, not hard!
And from time to time, I review the attitude list again, in case I find something worth practicing:
1. generous - receiver
2. adaptable - defiant
3. humble - shy
4. charming - polite
5. brave - reckless
6. encouraging - enabling
7. valuing - assessing
8. honest - law-abiding
9. admitting - denying
10. peaceful - combative
11. conciliatory - inflexible
12. trusting - dependent
13. abundant - excessive
14. flourishing - barren
15. goal-oriented - yearning
16. purposeful - distracted
17. targeted - calculating
18. active - acquiring
19. democratic - dictatorial
20. optimistic - pessimistic
21. cheerful - dull
22. praising - flattering
23. diplomatic - deceptive
24. straightforward - harassing
25. equal - superior
26. striving for equality - elitist
27. unifying - divisive
28. compassionate - pitying
29. cooperative - disintegrating
30. letting go - holding back
31. satisfied - content
32. accepting - rejecting
33. unbiased - indifferent
34. polite - pedantic
35. determined - stubborn
36. energetic - hysterical
37. virtuous - exalted
38. moral - unethical
39. erotic - lustful
40. powerful - violent
41. aesthetic - artificial
42. ethical - suspicious
43. extroverted - introverted
44. constructive - destructive
45. inquisitive - judging
46. valuing - exploiting
47. responsible - guilty
48. invigorating - exhausting
49. liberating - restricting
50. important - superficial
51. global - local
52. carefree - reckless
53. gentle - hard
54. healing - irritating
55. beautiful - ostentatious
56. patriotic - nationalistic
57. grateful - indebted
58. approving - criticizing
59. inviting - urging
60. believing - clinging
61. holistic - analytical
62. long-term - momentary
63. humorous - somber
64. loyal - chauvinistic
65. timeless - transient
66. true - false
67. just - punitive
68. inspired - worldly
69. intuitive - unimaginative
70. significant - pretentious
71. entitled - formative
72. cheerful - manic
73. benevolent - wasteful
74. sober - intoxicated
75. kind - tormenting
76. imaginative - descriptive
77. requesting - demanding
78. balanced - extreme
79. wrestling with challenges - helpless
80. persistent - faltering
81. excellent - adequate
82. merciful - lenient
83. striving - competing
84. brilliant - cunning
85. resourceful - scheming
86. willing to give up - worrying
87. existing - possessing
88. confident - arrogant
89. forgiving - resentful
90. contented - greedy
91. permissive - controlling
92. observant - prying
93. considerate - fretful
94. flattering - envious
95. fair - weak-handed
96. authoritative - dogmatic
97. generous - petty
98. noble - bombastic
99. gracious - condescending
100. open - secretive
101. devoted - possessive
102. instructive - deceptive
103. sharing - hoarding
104. acting voluntarily - acting out of necessity
105. selfless - selfish
106. eternal - temporary
107. joyful - hedonistic
108. sincere - insidious
109. impartial - fickle
110. orderly - chaotic
111. respectful - degrading
112. participating - obsessive
113. flexible - rigid
114. helpful - intervening
115. spiritual - materialistic
116. spontaneous - impulsive
117. free - regulated
118. selective - exclusive
119. gentle - rough
120. humble - arrogant
121. serving - ambitious
122. economical - stingy
123. resourceful - prosaic
124. experienced - cynical
125. nurturing - draining
126. talented - lucky
127. fertile - lush
128. natural - artificial
129. respectful - obsequious
130. respectful - idolizing
131. tolerant - prejudiced
132. aspiring - struggling
133. conscious - unconscious
134. patient - greedy
135. polite official
136. leader tyrannical
137. protective aggressive
138. attractive seductive
Guide for Step Section:
Take out your attitude inventory created in section 4.11, and practice the ones you feel are necessary (something like this, with your own examples):
- I am peaceful, not combative!
- I am a fighter, not competitive!
- I am responsible, not guilty!
- I am trusting, not dependent!
From time to time, review the above attitude list to see if you find anything worth improving.
10.12. I am willing to develop new, positive attitudes through practice.
As I mentioned earlier, in my understanding, my negative feelings and wrong actions are caused by my negative emotions and bad thoughts. These arise within me because my way of thinking is incorrect (self-centered). Since I started practicing letting go of egocentric thinking, very few incorrect thoughts have appeared in my mind. Consequently, I rarely experience negative emotions, and I find it easier to recognize when I make a mistake.
However, I have found that alongside letting go of negatives, it's also worthwhile to focus on developing positive attitudes. As a first step, I began to replace negative attitudes and approaches with positive ones. I wrote about this in the previous section.
Moreover, it has greatly helped me create positive thoughts and emotions that I have tried to develop entirely new, positive attitudes and approaches within myself. To this end, I have read a lot. In addition to AA literature, I have studied various other spiritual literature, such as:
- Bhagavad Gita
- Buddha's Discourses
- New Testament
- Eckhart Tolle (The Power of Now)
- David R. Hawkins (Eye of the Universe)
- Béla Balogh (The Ten Commandments of the Subconscious)
- A Course in Miracles
From these, I have written numerous slogans for myself, which I still practice daily to reprogram my subconscious. Here are a few to inspire you:
- The greatest illusion: I am material, and material goods belong to me. (Upanishads)
- There are paths that lead to the end of suffering. (Buddha)
- Whatever comes, accept! Whatever goes, let it go! (Buddha)
- I came from the light, I depart into the light. What was this all about? (Zen)
- Thy will be done! (Jesus)
- Forgive us our trespasses, as we forgive those who trespass against us! (Jesus)
- Forgive them, for they know not what they do! (Jesus)
- I am the Way, the Truth, and the Life! (Jesus)
- By giving to others, we receive. (St. Francis of Assisi)
- One thing is certain: it is always now! (Tolle)
- Situations do not make us unhappy. Thoughts do. (Tolle)
- The acceptance of the unacceptable is the greatest source of grace. (Tolle)
- I needed suffering until I realized it was unnecessary. (Tolle)
- There is no self, there is no problem! (Tolle)
- I am one with everything and everyone. (Mind Control)
- The consciousness of unity and joy is my natural state. (Béla Balogh)
- Everything is fine in my world! (Béla Balogh)
- I am as God created me. (A Course in Miracles)
- I am not my body. I am free. (A Course in Miracles)
- My brother! I see you through Christ's eyes, and I see my perfect innocence in you. (A Course in Miracles)
- My peace is the greatest gift I can give to the world. (Hawkins)
- It is baseless arrogance to think that anything exists outside of God. (Hawkins)
- I am one with the universe, one with all existence, infinite and eternal. (Hawkins)
- Soli Deo Gloria! (Glory to God alone!)
- Gloria in Excelsis Deo! (Glory to God in the highest!)
Guide for Step Section:
Read any high-level spiritual literature of your choice, such as:
- Bhagavad Gita
- Buddha's Discourses
- New Testament
- Eckhart Tolle (The Power of Now)
- David R. Hawkins (Eye of the Universe)
- Béla Balogh (The Ten Commandments of the Subconscious)
- A Course in Miracles
Write down wise thoughts, slogans, and mantras from these that you can practice to develop new attitudes!
<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>
10.13. Check Questions – for Step 10
Before we move on to Step 11, do a little self-check. Answer the following questions for yourself:
1. Do you notice when you don't feel good?
2. Do you realize that if something bothers you, the fault must lie within yourself?
3. Have you recognized that excessive desires can cause you much suffering?
4. Do you still dwell on the past?
5. Are you still afraid of the future?
6. Can you recognize the negative emotions behind the bad feelings?
7. Can you identify the thought loops (conscious and subconscious) surrounding the negative emotions?
8. Do you see that these thoughts are related to the bad feelings?
9. Are you willing to change these thoughts?
10. Can you let go of egocentric thinking?
11. Can you replace negative attitudes and approaches with positive ones?
12. Are you willing to develop new, positive attitudes through practice?
Short explanations for the check questions of Step 10
1. Many people, when they feel bad, believe that the world is bad. They do not realize that the bad feeling is within them.
2. A fundamental spiritual principle is that whenever something bothers us, there is something wrong with us.
3. One of the main sources of suffering is desire, as an egocentric habit. Buddha formulated this 2500 years ago.
4. The past is gone. The events cannot be changed. Therefore, such intentions cause suffering.
5. The desire to control the future – as an egocentric endeavor – causes suffering.
6. Feelings are either good or bad. These are caused by positive or negative emotions.
7. Emotions and thoughts go hand in hand and arise from each other.
8. Incorrect thoughts can generate negative emotions, which create bad feelings within us.
9. We cannot change emotions, only thoughts.
10. Incorrect thoughts are created by egocentric thinking.
11. Only through practice can we change our way of thinking.
12. New attitudes correct the old faulty ones.
