Big Book

[root]

After that, we set out to take decisive actions. [...] We began with a personal inventory. This was Step Four. A company that does not regularly take inventory usually goes bankrupt. [...] We did the same with our lives. We prepared an honest inventory. First, we listed our character defects that caused our failures. Realizing that the various manifestations of the "self" had defeated us, we reviewed these manifestations. Resentment was the "main culprit." It is primarily this that destroys most alcoholics, more than anything else.

[Alcoholics Anonymous, p. 61]

Resentment was the "main culprit." It is primarily this that destroys most alcoholics, more than anything else. From it, emotional troubles arise, for we were not only mentally and physically ill, but spiritually as well. When we succeeded in freeing ourselves from the spiritual illness, we grew stronger mentally and physically. We made a list of our resentments. We wrote down on a piece of paper the people, institutions, or principles we were very angry with. We asked ourselves why we were angry with them. In most cases, we found that our self-esteem, financial situation, ambitions, or personal—including sexual—relationships had been hurt or threatened. That is why we felt offended; that is what "got us down."

[Alcoholics Anonymous, p. 61]

It is obvious that a life filled with severe resentments leads to futility and unhappiness. To the extent that we suffer from it, we waste precious hours of our lives. Since the alcoholic hopes for the preservation and growth of the spiritual experience, resentment is unbearably severe for them. Moreover, we have found it to be fatal. For if we harbor such feelings, we shut ourselves off from the radiant light of the Spirit: the obsession with alcohol returns, and we start drinking again. And for us, drinking equals death. If we want to live, we must get rid of the anger. The gloominess and fits of rage were not made for us. For normal people, all this might be a luxury of dubious value, but for the alcoholic, it is poison.

[Alcoholics Anonymous, p. 63]

How can we escape? We realized that we had to rise above resentment—but how? It could not be gotten rid of by mere wishful thinking, just as we could not with alcohol.

We chose this path: We established that those who harmed us were likely spiritually ill. We did not like their symptoms or how they disturbed us, but they were sick just as we were. We asked God to help us show them the tolerance, mercy, and patience we would gladly show a sick friend. If someone offended us, we said: "This is a sick person. How can I help them? God, grant that I do not feel anger toward them. Thy will be done."

[Alcoholics Anonymous, p. 63]

Returning again to our list: Setting aside the discomfort caused by others, we resolutely set out to find our own faults. When were we selfish, dishonest, exploitative, and cowardly? Although the situation may not have been entirely our fault, we tried to completely ignore the parties involved. Where were we at fault? We took inventory of ourselves, not others! When we found a fault, we noted it down. We laid it out clearly before us. We honestly admitted our mistakes and were willing to set our affairs in order.

[Alcoholics Anonymous, p. 64]

We thoroughly examined our fears. We wrote them down on a piece of paper, although we had no resentment toward them. We asked ourselves why these fears lived within us. Perhaps it was because we had been abandoned by self-confidence? Self-confidence was good as long as it lasted, but it did not take us far. Some of us had great self-confidence at one time, but it never completely resolved either the fear or other problems. Moreover, when it made us overconfident, it was even worse.

Is there a better solution? We believe so. After all, we are standing on a different foundation: the trust in God and reliance on Him. We trust in the infinite God, not in our finite selves. We are in this world to play the role He has designated for us. To the extent that we act and think according to His wishes, and humbly entrust ourselves to Him, He will empower us to find joy alongside misfortune.

[Alcoholics Anonymous, pp. 64-65]

We never apologize to anyone for depending on our Creator. We can laugh at those who consider spirituality a manifestation of weakness. Paradoxically, it is rather a manifestation of strength. Centuries of experience prove that faith means courage. The people of faith are all brave. They trust in their God. We never apologize for God. Instead, we allow Him to express through us what He is capable of. We ask Him to remove our fears and direct our attention to what He wants to shape us into. Thus, we begin to shed fear.

[Alcoholics Anonymous, p. 65]

Only God can be the sole judge of our sexual affairs. Consulting with others is often desirable, but we let God be the final judge. We realize that some are just as fanatical about sex as others are libertine. We avoid confused thinking or advice. What if we do not meet the ideal standard and stumble? Does that mean we will get drunk? Some claim so. This is only a half-truth. It depends on us and what motives drive us. If we regret what we have done and have a sincere desire for God to lead us to better actions, then we believe we will find forgiveness and learn our lesson. However, if we do not regret it and our behavior continues to offend others, then we are almost certain to drink. This is not an empty theory but a fact based on experience.

[Alcoholics Anonymous, pp. 66-67]

If we have thoroughly conducted our personal inventory, then we have written a lot on paper. We have noted and analyzed our resentments. We understood their futility, fatality, and terrible destructive power. We began to show tolerance, patience, and goodwill to everyone, even our enemies, because we saw them as sick people. We compiled a list of those we had offended with our behavior and were ready to clarify the past if possible.

[Alcoholics Anonymous, p. 67]

In this book, you can read again and again that faith has done for us what we could not do for ourselves. We hope you are now convinced that God is capable of removing every stubbornness that has blocked you from Him. If you have made a decision and prepared the inventory of your most serious defects, then it is a good start. With this, you have already gained a great deal of truth about yourself.

[Alcoholics Anonymous, p. 67]