Narcotics Anonymous

[root]

NA – Step 4

STEP FOUR  

"We made a searching and fearless moral inventory of ourselves."

Most of us came to Narcotics Anonymous because we wanted to stop doing something—using drugs. We probably didn't realize that by attending NA, we were starting a recovery program. If we haven’t taken the time yet to reflect on what we gain from this program, now is the time to pause and think about it.

First and foremost, we need to ask ourselves: what do we hope to achieve in recovery? Most of us want to feel good, be happy, or find peace and serenity. We want to love ourselves. But how can we love ourselves if we don't even know who we are?

Step Four shows us the way to start discovering who we are. It provides the necessary insights to begin loving ourselves and makes the things we hope to gain from the program—comfort, happiness, peace of mind—more attainable.

Step Four is the beginning of a new phase in our recovery. It marks the start of a process that continues through Step Nine. The knowledge we gain during Step Four will be used in Steps Five, Six, Seven, Eight, and Nine. This process will be repeated throughout our recovery.

A helpful analogy for this process is to imagine we are like an onion. Each time we start Step Four, we peel back a layer of the onion, getting closer to its core. Every layer represents another level of denial, addiction, character defects, and the harm we’ve caused. The core represents the pure and healthy soul that lies at the center of each of us. The goal of our recovery is to experience a spiritual awakening, and each time we go through this process, we move closer to that goal, with our soul becoming more awake.

Step Four is a method of getting to know ourselves. It's as much about discovering our good character traits as it is about recognizing the true nature of our flaws. Taking inventory also serves as a path to freedom. We have been deprived of freedom for so long—perhaps all our lives. Many of us discover during Step Four that our problem didn’t start when we first used drugs, but much earlier, when the seeds of our addiction were planted. We may have felt isolated or different long before we picked up drugs. In fact, our feelings and compulsions were deeply intertwined with our addiction, and we turned to drugs to change how we felt and ease those compulsions, which led to our first use. The inventory brings up unresolved pain and conflicts from our past, making us no longer vulnerable to them. We gain a kind of freedom and a sense of choice.

The "Step Working Guide" chapter on this step can be divided into two parts. The first part helps prepare us for Step Four by guiding us through exploring our motivation for taking this step and examining what it means to us. The second part serves as a guide for creating the actual searching and fearless moral inventory.

 Step 4.1: Preparing for Step Work  

4.1.1 Motivation  

Although our motivations for taking Step Four are less important than completing the step itself, it can help to examine and dispel any reservations we have about the step and to consider the benefits of completing it.

Do I have any reservations about taking Step Four? What are they?  
What benefits might come from creating a searching and fearless moral inventory?  
Why should I not delay in taking this step? What are the advantages of not procrastinating?

4.1.2 Searching and Fearless  

This is the phrase that has caused many of us the most confusion. We may understand the meaning of “searching,” but what about “fearless”? How do we overcome all our fears? We may think it will take years, but we need to start the inventory now.

Making a fearless inventory means moving forward in spite of our fears. It means taking the courage to act, even when our feelings tell us to avoid it. It means being honest, even when we think we will take our secrets to the grave. It means being determined to be thorough, even when we feel we've written enough. It means believing and trusting in this process and in our Higher Power to give us the ability to do the work.

Let's face it: this step requires a lot of effort. But we can take comfort in knowing there’s rarely a strict deadline for completing it. We can break it into manageable sections, doing a little at a time until it's done. The important thing is to work on it consistently.

Sometimes, the length of our clean time works against us when we ignore our fear of taking inventory. Many of us, despite knowing how beneficial this process is, still avoid doing it. We might think that since we know it’s a good process, we shouldn't fear it. But we need to allow ourselves to feel the fear if that's what we’re truly experiencing.

Our fear may stem from previous Step Four experiences. We know that creating an inventory means a change in our lives. We know that if the inventory reveals destructive, harmful behaviors, we can’t continue them without facing immense pain. Sometimes, this means letting go of something in our lives—a behavior we believe we need to survive day by day. It could be a relationship, or a resentment we’ve nursed for so long that it has become a twisted source of comfort. The fear of letting go of something we’ve become dependent on, even when we suspect it’s harmful, is very real. But we can’t let that fear stop us. We need to confront it and move forward with courage.

Am I afraid of taking this step? What is the basis of my fear?  
What does it mean to me to be searching and fearless?  
Am I working with my sponsor and talking to other addicts? What steps am I taking to assure myself that I can handle whatever comes up in my current inventory?

4.1.3. MORAL INVENTORY

Many of us associate numerous unpleasant thoughts with the word “moral.” It may evoke memories tied to overly strict behavioral expectations. We might think of people we consider “moral,” people who we believe are better than us. Hearing this word might stir a tendency to rebel against societal morality or resentment toward authorities who were never satisfied with our morals. Whether any of this applies to us is for us to decide. If any of this resonates with us, we can ease our discomfort by thinking about the word “moral” in a different way.

In Narcotics Anonymous, at this step, the word “moral” has nothing to do with specific behaviors dictated by societal norms or the judgments of authority figures. A moral inventory is something we can use to explore our own individual morality, values, and principles. These don’t need to conform to anyone else’s standards or principles.

Does the word "moral" bother me? Why?  
Do I feel uneasy when I think about society's expectations? Am I afraid that I won’t live up to them, now or in the future?  
What values and principles are important to me?

NA – Step 4 – Chapter 4.1.4

4.1.4. OUR OWN INVENTORY

Step Four asks us to take an inventory of ourselves, not others. However, when we begin writing and bring up our resentments, fears, behaviors, beliefs, and secrets, we often find that many of these are connected to other people or, at times, to organizations or institutions. It’s important to know that we can write freely about others as long as it serves the purpose of discovering our own role in a given situation. In fact, most of us don’t know how to separate our own role from others’ at the beginning. Our sponsor will help us with this.

NA – Step 4 – Chapter 4.1.5

4.1.5. SPIRITUAL PRINCIPLES

In Step Four, we revisit all the spiritual principles we began practicing in the first three steps. First, we must be willing to take the Fourth Step. We must be rigorously honest with ourselves. We must think carefully about everything we write and decide whether it’s true or not. We must be brave enough to face our fear and overcome it. Lastly, our faith and trust will carry us through the tough moments when we’re tempted to give up.

How does my decision to work on Step Four demonstrate my courage?  

My trust?  
My faith?  
My honesty?  
My willingness?

NA – Step 4 – Chapter 4.2.1

4.2. THE INVENTORY

Take a notebook or any tool you and your sponsor agree is suitable for your inventory. Get comfortable. Remove all distractions from the area where you plan to work on the inventory. Pray for the ability to be thorough, fearless, and diligent. Don’t forget to stay in contact with your sponsor throughout the process. Finally, feel free to write more than the question prompts if you think something belongs in your inventory.

4.2.1. RESENTMENTS

Resentments surface when we relive past feelings, when we can’t let go, forgive, or forget what has upset us. There are several reasons why we take stock of our resentments in Step Four. First, doing so helps us get rid of old emotions that are affecting our present lives. Second, identifying our resentments helps us recognize situations where we feel disappointed in others, especially when we had unreasonable expectations of them. Lastly, listing our resentments brings to light behavior patterns that trap us in a constant cycle of anger, self-pity, or both.

Who am I angry with? Explain the situation that led to your anger.  
Which institutions (school, government, religion, correctional, civil) do I feel anger toward? Explain the situation that led to this anger.  
What was my motivation or belief that guided my actions in these situations?  
How did my dishonest behavior contribute to the development of my resentments?  
How has my inability or unwillingness to feel certain emotions contributed to my anger?  
How did my behavior contribute to my resentments?  
Am I afraid to examine my own role in the situations that caused my resentments? Why?  
How have my resentments affected my relationship with myself, others, and a Higher Power?  
What patterns can I recognize regarding my resentments and anger?

NA – Step 4 – Chapter 4.2.2

4.2.2. FEELINGS

We examine our feelings for similar reasons as we examine our resentments. It helps us uncover our role in our own lives. By the time we got clean, most of us had already forgotten what it meant to feel. Even if we’ve been in the program for some time, we may still discover new insights about the ways we suppress our feelings.

How do I identify my own feelings?  
Which feelings are the hardest for me to experience?  
Why have I tried to suppress my feelings?  
What tools have I used to deny how I truly feel?  
Who or what triggered the feeling? What was the feeling? What was the situation? What role did I play in these situations?  
What was my motivation, or what might have led me to act the way I did in these situations?  
What do I do with my feelings once I’ve identified them?

NA – Step 4 – Chapter 4.2.3

4.2.3. GUILT, SHAME

There are actually two types of guilt and shame: one is real, and the other is imagined. The first stems directly from the depths of our consciousness; we feel guilty because we have done something against our principles or harmed someone, which makes us feel ashamed. Imagined guilt arises from many situations where we are not at fault, where we were not involved in creating the circumstances. We need to examine our guilt and shame so that we can differentiate between these situations. We must accept what truly belongs to us and let go of what does not.

- Who or what do I feel guilty or ashamed about? 
- Explain the situation that led to these feelings.
- Which of these situations cause me shame, even though I had no role in their creation?
- What was my motivation in the situations for which I am responsible? What led me to act the way I did?
- How did my behavior contribute to my guilt and shame?

NA - Step 4 - Chapter 4.2.4

 4.2.4. FEAR

If we were to remove the general symptoms of addiction, such as drug use and compulsive behaviors, from the disease, we would be left with only the swamp of self-centered fear. We fear being hurt, we fear intense emotions, and so we live a half-life instead. We go through life without fully living it. We fear everything that makes us feel emotions, so we isolate ourselves. We fear that people will not love us, so we use drugs to feel better. We fear being caught and having to pay the price, so we lie, cheat, or hurt others to protect ourselves. We fear being alone, so we exploit others to avoid feelings of loneliness, rejection, or abandonment. We fear not getting enough, so we selfishly take what we want without caring about the damage we cause. Sometimes, when we gain something important in recovery, we fear losing it, so we compromise our principles to protect what we have. Self-centered, selfish fear must be uprooted so it no longer has the power to destroy us.

- Who or what am I afraid of? Why?
- What have I done to hide my fear?
- How have I reacted negatively or harmfully to my fears?
- What about myself do I fear examining and exposing the most? What do I think will happen if I do?
- How have I deceived myself because of fear?

NA - Step 4 - Chapter 4.2.5

 4.2.5. RELATIONSHIPS

In the Fourth Step, we must take stock of our relationships—not just romantic ones—to get a clear picture of how our decisions, beliefs, and behaviors may have resulted in unhealthy or destructive relationships. We need to examine relationships with relatives, spouses or partners, friends and former friends, coworkers and former coworkers, neighbors, schoolmates, club members, acquaintances in civil organizations, authorities (e.g., police), institutions, and anyone or anything else that comes to mind. We must also examine our relationship with a Higher Power.

There is a strong temptation to skip over relationships that weren’t long-lasting, such as a one-night stand or a confrontation with a teacher whose class we later dropped. But these relationships are important too. If they come to mind or evoke feelings, they must be included in our inventory.

- Which contradictions in my personality have made it difficult for me to maintain friendships or romantic relationships?
- How has fear of being hurt affected my friendships and romantic relationships?
- How have I sacrificed friendships for the sake of romantic relationships?
- How has my compulsion to chase relationships manifested itself?
- In my family relationships, do I sometimes feel trapped in constantly repeating patterns, with no hope for change? What are these patterns? What role do I play in their persistence?

- How have I avoided intimacy with my friends, partner, or spouse, and family?
- Have I had trouble committing? Write about it.
- Have I ever ruined a relationship because I believed I would get hurt in the end, so I left before it could happen? Write about it.
- To what extent do I consider others' feelings in my relationships? Do I value them equally to my own? Do I consider others' feelings more important than my own? Less important? Not at all?

- Have I ever felt like a victim in any of my relationships? (Note: This question seeks to explore how we put ourselves in the role of victim or how our unrealistic expectations contribute to our disappointment with others. We are not referring to instances of actual abuse.) Write about this.
- What relationships have I had with my neighbors? Do I notice any significant patterns that I've taken with me wherever I’ve lived?
- How do I feel about the people I've worked with or for? What problems have my thoughts, beliefs, and behaviors caused for me at work?
- How do I feel about the people I went to school with (how I felt as a child and how I feel now)? Did I feel inferior or superior to other students? Did I feel the need to compete for the teacher’s attention? Did I respect authority figures or rebel against them?

- Have I joined any clubs or membership organizations (e.g., NA is a membership organization)? How did I feel about others in the club or organization? Did I make friends in these organizations? Did I join clubs with unrealistic expectations, only to leave soon after? What were those expectations, and why weren’t they met? What was my role in these situations?
- Have I ever been in a mental institution, prison, or detained against my will in any other way? How did this affect my personality? What situations have I faced with authorities? Did I follow the rules? Have I ever broken the rules and resented the authorities when I was caught?
- Did early experiences of trust and intimacy cause me harm? Did I become withdrawn because of them? Write about this.
- Have I ever given up on a relationship even though there was potential to resolve conflicts and work through problems? Why?
- Have I changed my personality depending on who was around me? Write about it.
- Have I discovered traits about myself (such as in previous inventories) that I didn’t like and then realized I was overcompensating for that behavior? (For example, I might find that I was immature and overly dependent on others, and then overcompensate by becoming overly independent.) Write about this.
- What shortcomings play a major role in my relationships (dishonesty, selfishness, controlling others, manipulation, etc.)?
- How can I change my behavior to start building healthy relationships?
- Have I had any relationship with a Higher Power? How has this changed over the course of my life? What is my current relationship with my Higher Power?

NA - Step 4 - Chapter 4.2.6

 4.2.6. SEX

Most of us find this topic very uncomfortable. In fact, we might want to stop here and say, "Okay, that’s enough. There’s no way I’m going to take stock of my sexual behavior!" But we must quickly overcome this reluctance. It helps to remember why we’re doing this inventory. As *It Works: How and Why* mentions, "We want to live in peace with our sexuality." Therefore, we need to include our sexual urges and behaviors in our inventory. It is important to remind ourselves at this point that we are not taking stock to compare ourselves to those we think others see as "normal," but to identify our own values, principles, and morals.

- How has my sexual behavior been based on selfishness?
- Have I confused sex with love? What has been the result of acting on this "delusion"?
- How have I used sex to avoid loneliness or to fill a spiritual void within me?
- How have I compulsively pursued or avoided sex?
- Have I felt shame and guilt about my sexual behavior patterns? What were they? Why did I feel this way?
- Has any of my sexual behavior caused harm to me or others?
- Do I accept myself sexually? If not, why not?
- Do I accept other people's sexuality? If not, why not?
- Has sex been a prerequisite for all or almost all of my relationships?
- What does a healthy relationship mean to me?

NA - Step 4 - Chapter 4.2.7

4.2.7. ABUSE

Before we begin working on this section, we must exercise extreme caution. It might be necessary to postpone this chapter until a later stage of our recovery. We must use every available resource to decide whether we are ready to proceed: our own judgment regarding our ability to bear the pain involved in this work, consultation with our sponsor, and prayer. Our sponsor might be able to guide us through this section, but we might also need additional help.

If we choose to tackle this part, we must acknowledge that working through this chapter of the Fourth Step will likely be the most painful part of our recovery. Recalling times when we were neglected or harmed by people who were supposed to love and protect us is bound to trigger some of the most painful emotions of our lives. Still, it's important to face it if we are ready. As long as we keep our pain, or perhaps a secret, locked inside, it might drive us to act in ways we don't want. It could contribute to a negative self-image or the development of other destructive beliefs. Uncovering the truth can start a process that may lead to relief from our pain. We were not to blame.

1. Have I ever been subjected to abuse? By whom? How did I feel about it then? And now?
2. Has my abuse affected my relationships with others? How?
3. If I have felt like a victim for most of my life due to childhood abuse, what steps can I take to regain my mental health? Can my Higher Power help with this? How?

It’s also possible that we have abused others physically, mentally, or verbally. Remembering these incidents will undoubtedly come with intense feelings of shame. We cannot allow this shame to turn into despair. It's essential to face our behavior, take responsibility for it, and work to change it. Writing about it here is the first step toward change. Working through the other steps will help us make amends for the harm we have caused.

4. Have I ever abused anyone? Who and how?
5. How did I feel and what was I thinking right before the harm occurred?
6. Did I blame my victim or look for excuses for my behavior? Write them down.
7. Do I trust my Higher Power, believe it is guiding my life, and will provide what I need so I don’t have to hurt anyone again? Am I willing to live with painful feelings until they change through working the steps?

NA – Fourth Step – Chapter 4.2.8

4.2.8. POSITIVE QUALITIES

Most of the questions asked so far have helped uncover the true nature of our defects. They have given us the knowledge needed for the Fifth Step. However, it is also important to highlight the things we’ve done well and the positive impacts we’ve had on ourselves and others. There are several reasons for doing this. First, by working the Fourth Step, we want to gain a complete picture of ourselves, not just a one-sided portrayal. Secondly, we want to identify which traits of our personality and behavior we should strengthen in our lives.
What qualities do I like about myself? What qualities do others like about me? Which qualities work well for me? How have I shown interest or concern for myself and others?

What spiritual principles do I live by? Which spiritual principles do I practice in my life? How has this changed my life?
How has my faith and trust in a Higher Power developed?

What is the foundation of my relationship with my sponsor? How have my positive experiences shown up in my other relationships?
What goals have I achieved? Are there other goals I am working toward? What are they, and what am I doing to achieve them?
What are my own moral values? Which values have I committed to, and which ones do I want to live by? How can these impact my life?
How do I express gratitude for my recovery?

NA – Fourth Step – Chapter 4.2.9

4.2.9. SECRETS

Before we finish the Fourth Step, let’s pause and consider: Have we missed anything, either intentionally or unintentionally? Is there something we think is so terrible that it’s simply impossible to include in our inventory? If so, draw strength from the fact that many NA members have worked this step, and there has never been a case where someone’s Fourth Step revealed a unique situation so special that it required new terminology. Holding onto secrets poses a threat to our recovery. As long as we keep secrets, we maintain reservations.

Do I have any secrets I haven’t yet written about? What are they?

NA – Fourth Step – Chapter 4.2.10

4.2.10. DISTORTIONS

Another question we need to ask ourselves is: Does anything in this inventory exaggerate the actual events or include things that aren't true at all? Almost all of us who came to NA had trouble separating facts from fiction in our lives. Many of us collected “war stories” that were so embellished they contained only a tiny fragment of the truth. We made them up because we wanted to impress people.
We thought we had nothing real to offer that could make us feel good, so we invented lies to build ourselves up. But we don’t need to do that anymore. By working the Fourth Step, we are building our true selves, not a false self based on misconceptions. Now is the time to tell the truth about ourselves.
Is there anything in this inventory that isn't true, or are there stories I keep repeating that don’t reflect reality?

NA – Fourth Step – Chapter 4.3

4.3. MOVING FORWARD

When we finish the Fourth Step, we may feel many different emotions – disappointment, exhilaration, discomfort. No matter how we feel, we should be proud of what we’ve accomplished. The work we have done in this step forms the foundation for the work we will do from the Fifth Step through the Ninth Step. Now is the time to reach out to our sponsor and prepare for the Fifth Step.