Step Book

[root]

Step Book - Step 3:  

"We decided to turn our will and our lives over to the care of God as we understood Him."  

(excerpt) - I.

Taking the third step is like opening a closed door. All you need is a key and the determination to open it. There is only one key: willingness is its name. When we turn the key of willingness in the lock, the door almost opens by itself. In the opening, we see a path with the inscription: "This is the way to fruitful faith." In the first two Steps, we merely considered. We saw that we have no power over alcohol, but we also understood that some kind of faith—even if it is only in A.A.—is possible for everyone. We didn’t need to take action; we just needed to accept this fact.  
Like the remaining Steps, the Third Step requires explicit action because only through action can we trim the rampant will that has blocked the path that God—a Higher Power, if you will—has laid out for us. Faith is necessary, but it is not enough by itself. We may have faith, yet we still exclude God from our minds. The question now is, what is the means through which we can invite Him in? The Third Step is the first attempt at this. In fact, the effectiveness of the entire A.A. program hinges on how well and sincerely we have tried to come to the decision to "turn our will and our lives over to the care of God as we understand Him."  
[12 Steps and 12 Traditions, p. 35]

(excerpt) - II.

To any worldly and practical-minded beginner, this Step seems difficult, even impossible. No matter how much one wants to try, how can one trust one's will and life to the care of God—whatever or whoever that may be? Fortunately, we who have approached it with such skepticism can testify that anyone can start to realize this. We can add that all that is necessary is to begin: no matter how modest that start may be. As soon as we put the key of willingness in the lock and open the door a crack, we find that it opens more easily. Though it may slam shut again due to our stubbornness—which often happens—it will still reopen the moment we use the key of willingness once more.  

All of this may sound distant and mysterious, much like Einstein's theory of relativity or a nuclear physics theory. It is not at all. Let’s see how practical it is. Anyone who has joined A.A. and wants to stay among us has actually already begun on the path of the Third Step, even if they are not aware of it. Isn’t it true that they have decided to place all their troubles regarding alcohol under the care, protection, and guidance of A.A.? With this, they are already showing some willingness to cast aside their own concept of their alcohol problem and exchange it for that of Alcoholics Anonymous. Every new member who has the willingness senses that A.A. is the safe harbor for the drifting ship of their life. If this is not the surrender of our will and lives to a newly discovered Care, then what is?  
[12 Steps and 12 Traditions, p. 36]

(excerpt) - III.

Yet, let us assume that instinctively one protests loudly:  

"In matters of alcohol, I may need A.A., but in other respects, I must preserve my independence. No one is going to turn me into a nobody. If I entrust my life and will to Someone or Something's care, what will become of me? I will be like a hole in a pipe."  
Of course, in this process, instinct and logic always fuel selfishness to block the soul's development. The flaw in such reasoning is that it does not reckon with reality. The reality is this: the more willing we are to depend on a Higher Power, the more independent we become. Therefore, the dependency practiced in A.A. is, in fact, the means to achieve true spiritual independence.  
[12 Steps and 12 Traditions, p. 37]

(excerpt) - IV.

The mindset of arrogance does not pay off. It is clearly a destructive force whose ultimate outcome is destruction. That is why we, who are alcoholics, can bless our fortune. We narrowly avoided colliding with this destructive stubbornness, which tormented us so much that we were willing to seek something better. Indeed, it was more the compulsion of circumstances than our virtue that drove us to A.A., where we acknowledged our defeat, embraced the elements of faith, and are now striving to turn our will and lives over to a Higher Power.  
[12 Steps and 12 Traditions, pp. 38-39]

(excerpt) - V.

The word "dependency" sounds just as bad to many psychiatrists and psychologists as it does to an alcoholic's ear. Just like the professionals, we know that there are maladaptive dependencies. We have experienced many of these in our lives. For example, a grown person does not benefit from a strong emotional dependency on their parents. They should have weaned themselves off of breast milk long ago. If not, then it is time for them to wake up. This maladaptive dependence often leads stubborn alcoholics to the conclusion that all dependencies, without exception, are unacceptably harmful. But the dependency on the A.A. group or on a Higher Power has never led to harmful consequences.  
[12 Steps and 12 Traditions, p. 39]

(excerpt) - VI.

Still, how can someone trust their will and life to a Higher Power, even if they have willingness? As we have seen, they have already begun this when they placed their confidence in A.A. to solve their alcohol problem. By then, they probably had become convinced that they had other problems beyond alcohol, and that these could not be resolved merely by personal determination and courage. These problems simply do not relent; they make one hopelessly unhappy and even threaten the newly found sobriety. Our friend is still tormented by guilt and remorse when thinking of the past. They continue to be flooded with bitterness when ruminating over those they hate or envy. Their financial security nearly makes them sick, and a blind horror seizes them when they contemplate how many bridges to safety they have burned behind them with alcohol. How can they extricate themselves from this painful situation, which has separated them from their family and deprived them of their affection? Their courage and willpower alone are not enough. It is clear that they must seek support in Someone or Something else.

This "someone" will probably first be their best A.A. friend. They trust in their encouragement, believing that countless of their problems can also be solved, even though they are now—without dulling them with alcohol—even more oppressive. Their sponsor will of course add to the comfort that our friend’s life, even if sober, is still unmanageable since they are only at the beginning of A.A.'s recovery program. It is true that their sobriety, which is a result of admitting their alcoholism and attending a few meetings, is indeed beneficial; but lasting sobriety and a contented life are still far away.  
Here is where the other Steps are needed. Nothing less than their continuous practice—until they become a way of life—can bring about the hoped-for result.  
Then they will be explained that the other Steps of the A.A. program can only be successfully practiced if they resolutely and persistently attempt the Third Step.  
[12 Steps and 12 Traditions, pp. 40-41]

(excerpt) - VII.

We use our will correctly when we align it with God's will. This was a revelation beyond our imagination for all of us. The source of all our troubles was the incorrect use of our will. We only pushed against our problems with our will instead of trying to harmonize our will with God's will for us. The goal of the Twelve Steps is to make this possible, and the Third Step is what opens the way.  
As soon as we agree with these principles, it is really easy to start practicing the Third Step. Amid our emotional turmoil or indecision, we can pause, seek peace, and in the quiet solitude of our souls, we can say:  
"God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change; the courage to change the things I can; and the wisdom to know the difference. Thy will be done, not mine."  
[12 Steps and 12 Traditions, pp. 41-42]