If you came with me, you have gone through a great deal of work. But the best is still ahead of us. Therefore, I would like to share with you how I approached Step 3:

- I reread Chapter 4 of the Big Book (We, the Doubters).
- I revisited Step 3 described on pages 57-60 of the Big Book several times.
- I read Step 3 in our book *12/12* (pages 35-42).
- I talked a lot with my sponsor about things related to God.
- I paid attention at meetings to what others say about their own God.
- I engaged a little with the worldviews and images of God from different religions.

Finally:

3. I DECIDED TO TRUST MY WILL AND MY LIFE TO THE CARE OF GOD AS I UNDERSTAND HIM.

As part of this:

1. I accepted the world created by God as it is.
2. I believed that God knows better what is good for me than I do.
3. I became willing to subordinate my will to God's will.
4. I became willing to trust (as I understand Him) God with the unfolding of my life.
5. I recognized that I cannot change the world and that it is not necessary to do so.
6. I recognized that I cannot change others and that it is not necessary to do so.
7. I recognized that I can only change my own way of thinking.
8. I also recognized that this is all I need.
9. I became grateful to God for this. I became grateful for everything.

Guide for the Step:

As an introduction to the step work, I recommend the following readings:

- Once again, Chapter 4 of the Big Book (We, the Doubters)
- Step 3 described on pages 57-60 of the Big Book (even multiple times)
- Step 3 in the Step Workbook (pages 35-42)

In addition, I recommend that:

- Talk to your sponsor about things related to God.
- Pay attention at meetings to what others say about their own God.
- Engage a little with the images of God in different religions.

3.1. I accepted the world created by God as it is.

The book *12 Steps and 12 Traditions* states on page 41: "The rest of the AA Steps can only be successfully practiced if we try the Third Step with determination and perseverance."

Well, then let's go for it! But how? I did it step by step. First, I refreshed my previous steps a little.

In Step 1, I already realized that I am not in control; I am not the Great Director, and especially, I am not the Creator, but perhaps there are greater forces than me. I started practicing living in the present day. I began to practice accepting the present moment as it is.

In Step 2, I became willing to think that there are indeed Higher Powers, and they can help me in my spiritual development. I started thinking about what my God might be like.

At the beginning of my Step 3, I started practicing accepting the world as God created it. After all, God probably did not create a bad world. So:

1. I decided to stop the thoughts about why the world is bad. I need to stop the judgments, the complaining, and the dramatizing. I began programming (writing little notes to myself on yellow sticky notes on my monitor) that:
   
   - I do not judge!
   - I do not qualify!
   - I do not label!
   - I do not dramatize!

2. I started looking for things, events, and phenomena in the world that prove that the world is good. I began to search for good qualities in people. I increasingly asked myself when some action, event, occurrence, or person upset me:

   - And what is good in this?
   - Why did I receive this experience from God?
   - What might be the message of this?
   - How could I handle this situation with gratitude?

Guide for the Step Section:

Write down (think about) whether:

- In Step 1, you accepted the uncontrollability of your life?
- How do you practice living in the present day? Is it going well?
- Is accepting the present moment as it is already working for you?
- In Step 2, did you become willing to think that a Higher Power might exist?
- Have you started thinking about what your God might be like?
- Do you tend to qualify situations, dramatize them?
- Do you tend to label or judge people?

Think of a situation that upset you recently. Try to think through:

- What might have been good in it?
- Why did you receive this experience from God?
- What might be the "message" in it?
- Would you be able to look back on what happened with gratitude now?

Practice the following programming sentences (or something similar):

- I let go; I trust God!
- I do not dramatize; I do not complain!
- I do not criticize; I do not qualify; I do not label!
- I accept that it is this way!

3.2. I believed that God knows better what is good for me than I do.

Thinking about the affairs of the world (and working on Step 3), I realized that I cannot understand the Universe itself (especially the "whys") because I am also a part of it. Moreover, I am just a tiny part of it.

What arrogance it was for me to think earlier that I needed to know why everything happens. Or that I know why something is good. That I think this should be like this, and that should be like that, and then it would be good. Especially for me!

That I can separate the good from the bad in everything. [See also: the tree of the knowledge of good and evil – that is, Original Sin!] And how much I suffered because of this. [See also: The Expulsion from Paradise!]

Therefore, I decided to try not to think about causes, effects, and whys, since everything is interconnected; thus, I would need to know everything about everything to understand things. This is not going to work. Of course, some people claim to know everything about everything, so they also know better what is good for me, what I need. This is nothing but God. I began to hope that I could find Him as soon as possible.

But how? That will be discussed in the next chapters...

Guide for the Step Section:

Write down (think about) whether:

- Do you usually get satisfactory answers to your "why" questions?
- Is it necessary for you to always know why something happens?
- Does every event have a single cause? Or several? How many more?
- Is it your job to determine what is good and what is bad in the world?
- Do you tend to suffer because you think it is your job?
- Can you always decide for yourself what would be good for you?

Write down any experience that supports the idea that:

- God knows better what is good (for you or anyone else).

Write down and practice the following (or something similar):

- God, You know what is good for me!
- God, You know why this is good for me!

3.3. I became willing to subordinate my will to God's will.

"Selfishness – self-centeredness! We believe this is the root of all our troubles." - writes our Big Book on page 59, paragraph 1. It continues: "We alcoholics must get rid of self-centeredness above all! We are doomed if we don’t; God enables our release. Often, we don't even see a way to free ourselves from self-centeredness without God's help."

Of course, the ego is not just the domain of alcoholics. Average people are self-centered too; they just don't drink back if they suffer from their own ego. However, they suffer just the same and can commit all sorts of nastiness, which they later regret. The 12-step program is suitable for changing the way of thinking and thus reducing suffering for all who suffer.

I have outlined two tasks regarding my own ego. I AM WILLING TO:

1. Recognize the ego
2. Let go of the ego

So, I started trying to recognize the ego, self-centeredness, and self-centered way of thinking in myself. How?

- I began to pay attention to my feelings, emotions, and thoughts.
- I tried to distance myself from my thoughts and find the "I" within them ("but I...", "why me...", "I will...", "poor me...", etc.)
- I watched for thoughts like "I am this way – I am that way," "I should do this – I should do that," "I need this – I need that," and what feelings they evoke.
- I started to think about what I "want" in life, in the world, and to what extent the ego stands behind these plans.

How did I try to let go of the ego, to surrender my will to God (after I "put the key of willingness into the lock")? Through programming:

1. I made myself aware that "the effectiveness of the entire program hinges on how well and seriously I try to come to the determination that I trust my will – as I understand it – to God's providence."
2. I wrote down the 3rd step prayer for myself (Big Book, page 60), and I read and analyzed it countless times: "God, I offer myself to You – mold me as You wish, and do with me as You want. Free me from my own shackles so that I can better follow Your will. Remove my troubles so that the victory over them may bear witness to Your Power, Your Love, and the life according to Your will before those I help. Let me always fulfill Your will!"
3. I affirmed to myself that "the more willing we are to depend on a Higher Power, the more independent we become. Therefore, the dependency practiced in AA is actually a tool for achieving true spiritual independence. Dependency on the AA group or the Higher Power has never led to harmful consequences."
4. I made myself aware that "I use my will correctly when I align it with God's will."
5. At the end of AA meetings, when we said the Prayer for Peace of Mind, I always added (and still do): "Thy will be done, not mine!"

Help for the step section:

Write down (think about) what:

- What egocentric emotions exist?
- Which of these have you experienced in yourself?
- What self-centered thoughts usually arise in your mind?
- What ego-driven needs do you have towards your fellow humans?
- What do you "want" to achieve, realize, acquire, or control lately?

Write down any experience you have that supports the idea that:

- The more willing you are to depend on a Higher Power, the more independent you are.
- You use your will correctly when you align it with God's will.

Practice the following prayer regularly:

- "God! Thy will be done, not mine!"

3.4. I became willing to trust (as I understand it) God with the direction of my life.

After deciding that "from now on, in the play of my life, God will be the director, He is the boss, and I am the subordinate," I began to think about what my "own" God is like, to whom I now entrust the course of my life. What characteristics might He have that make it worth entrusting my life to His providence? In addition to AA literature, after reading numerous other spiritual texts (Bhagavad Gita, Buddha's teachings, New Testament, Tolle, Hawkins, etc.), I came to the following conclusions:

My God:

1. Is always present, always with me.
2. Does not judge me.
3. Provides everything I need.
4. Loves me.
5. Forgives me.
6. Radiates joy and happiness to me.
7. Provides me with peace.
8. Shows me the way.

This image of God began to form within me. Later steps reinforced this. These thoughts formed the basis of the spiritual principles that I continue to try to apply in every manifestation of my life today.

Help for the step section:

Write down (think about) what:

- What is your parents’ (religion's) image of God?
- What kind of God do people generally imagine?
- Can we shape our image of God?
- What kind of God would you like to imagine for yourself?
- Does our worldview depend on the God we envision?
- If you wanted to, could you fully entrust the course of your life to God?
- Do you want this? Or would you like to want it?

Write down any experience you have that supports the idea that:

- Relying on God as we envision Him is not an impossible task.
- Relying on God is just a matter of willingness.

3.5. I recognized that I cannot change the world, and that it is not necessary.

When I read the 3rd step in our book "12 Steps and 12 Traditions," I realized that the "prayer for peace of mind" – often heard in meetings – is related to this step. The text of the step concludes on page 42:

In the midst of our emotional turmoil or indecision, we can pause, seek tranquility, and say in the quiet solitude of our souls: “God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change; courage to change the things I can; and wisdom to know the difference. Thy will be done, not mine.”

I pondered the prayer a lot. What can I generally change? What can I not change? A big question is how much I can change – if it is even necessary – about the things in the world outside of me:

- The "suchness" of the present moment (what is)
- The physical reality (for example, the weather)
- The economic situation (for example, the minimum wage)
- The social relations (for example, racism)
- Politics (for example, the government)
- Ideas (for example, religious beliefs)

And by the way, why should I even be concerned with changing these things? To what extent is it my task to change the world outside of me? After all, I am neither the Creator nor even the Great Organizer. I am currently working on entrusting my will and life to Providence. So, what’s with the grand “world-changing” intention?

While discussing this topic with my AA peers, I realized that it is the ego that wants to shape the world according to its goals. The ego is the one who wants to know the future. The "self-centered way of thinking" looks outward from my head and thinks that the world needs to change in order for their own life to get better. 

Reading through our Big Book, the thought strengthened in me that my task is not to change the world, but to grow spiritually and help other sufferers.

Even in the further pages of our book "12 Steps and 12 Traditions," I found no reference that I should work to change the world. Later, I read a lot of other types of spiritual literature (the Bible, Buddha, Tolle, Hawkins, among others), and they all confirmed what I had already inferred from the Big Book:

I cannot change the world, and it is not necessary.

Help for the step section:

Write down (think about) what:

- What are the things in the world that need changing?
- What is your opinion about the weather?
- What is your opinion about the economic situation?
- What is your opinion about politics? The government?
- Why should we change these things? Who would benefit from it?
- How could these things be changed?
- Which of these are things you can change?
- What successes have you already achieved in this area?
- What are the things in the world that you cannot change at all?

Write down any experience you have that supports the idea that:

- You cannot change the world.
- And that it is not necessary.

3.6. I recognized that I cannot change others, and that it is not necessary.

“God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change;” - this is how the prayer for peace of mind begins. I have already realized that it always leads to disappointment when I expect the world to change the way I imagine. Moreover, changing the world is not my job. I entrust this to God.

But what about human relationships? Can I change other people? Can I expect any form of "acceptable" behavior, way of thinking, actions, communication from others? Well, I recognized in Step 1 that I have no power over them. But maybe I could influence them a little? Of course, only for their own good!

Well, in Step 3, I definitively decided that I cannot have expectations of others, and I will practice this in the future. I found two compelling reasons why I should NOT have expectations of others:

1. My intervention is unnecessary:

I cannot direct anyone. Except, of course, if I am their boss and the person signed this in their employment contract. But otherwise, who is the Boss here? See? I've already agreed with myself on who the Big Boss is. The one who directs everyone. Me too. Others as well. There is no need for me to influence anything here. And this must be true for all my relationships. For my AA companions as well. For my parents and my children too. For my partner as well...

2. My intervention is not possible:

No one will willingly accept someone else's control. I've been observing "people" for a long time, and I can say: no one does what I tell them they should do! Almost never. Under any circumstances. And very often, they do what I told them not to do. 
So, if I continue to have expectations, they will certainly lead to disappointment, and disappointment (frustration) leads to suffering. And I don’t want suffering. It was good when I came to AA, but today I’m working on feeling good without mood-enhancing substances. Suffering is unnecessary. Therefore, frustration must be avoided. So I have no need for expectations.

Controlling others is neither necessary nor possible...

Guidance for the step section:

Write down (think about) who are the people you think should change? Why should they change? Who would benefit from it? How could they change? Who are the ones you can change yourself, and who are the ones you cannot? How have you tried to change people so far? Have you experienced disappointment, frustration, or suffering in the process?

Write down any experience you have that supports the idea that:

- You cannot change others.
- And it is not necessary.

3.7. I realized that I can only change my own mindset.

While analyzing the Serenity Prayer, I concluded that I cannot change the world. And I cannot change others. And that it is not necessary, since God is the Organizer. So what can I do to have less suffering in my life and find peace of mind? 
Maybe I need to change myself? Well, yes...

“Selfishness – egocentrism! We think this is the root of all our problems. [...] Therefore, we believe that our troubles are actually caused by ourselves, that they arise from us. The alcoholic is an extreme example of excessive stubbornness, though he usually does not see it that way. We, alcoholics, must first free ourselves from egocentrism! We have to, otherwise it will finish us.” - writes the Big Book on page 59. 
Clear speech. Moreover, letting go of the ego is not only recommended for alcoholics but for anyone who suffers because of it. And well, what else do we suffer from anyway? Great teachers have been talking about this for thousands of years. He who has ears to hear will hear... I should open my ears and start the transformation...

But how do I change?

I have worked hard on this, thought a lot about it. I have observed my companions to extract useful insights from their shares about how they succeeded in changing. I have read a lot of our literature on this topic. I have talked extensively with my sponsor about the ego, spirituality, faith, the spiritual ego, and such matters. Eventually, the following process crystallized for me:

1. How can I change my behavior?

I need to change my habits. Our actions are not "will-driven" but "habit-driven." They even said this in psychology class. The subconscious is a great master, but it can be reprogrammed.

2. How can I change my habits?

I need to change my feelings and thoughts. Somehow, I need to let go of negativity. I must allow positivity into my life as well.

3. And how can I ensure that I have more positive feelings and thoughts?

I need to change my attitude and my perspectives! I must change my egocentric way of thinking. The way I think. I need to strive for spiritual growth. I must free myself from egocentrism. It’s a matter of existence!!!

4. But how is this possible?

“Only with God’s help!” – I heard at the meetings. 

Courage and willingness! – These are necessary for the first steps, the wise say.

Guidance for the step section:

Write down (think about) that:

● How can someone’s behavior be changed? And your own?
● How can someone’s habits be changed? And your own?
● How can someone’s mindset be improved? And your own?
● How can one get rid of egocentrism?

Write down any experiences you have that support the idea that:
  
● Changing your mindset can bring change to your life.

3.8. And I also realized that this is all I need (spiritual growth).

So about my egocentric way of thinking (the ego), I have come to understand that:

1. I can change it:

With God’s help, it becomes possible for me to let go of negativity and allow His will into my life.

2. I can only change this:

I cannot change the affairs of the world directly. But if I change, the world will change too. If I change my mindset, my perception of the world will also change. I cannot change my fellow beings directly, but if I change my attitude, they will also change their attitude.

3. I need to change it:

This is the root of all my problems. The ego causes all negative feelings, emotions, and thoughts. Shame, guilt, self-pity, fear, disappointments, judgment, expectations, stubbornness. I MUST get rid of these, otherwise, they can lead me back to drinking or substance use. They cause emotional setbacks, and my suffering will continue. Therefore, I need to continue working on the steps to rid myself of egocentrism (Steps 4-7).

What else do I need?

● Money? Of course, but this has nothing to do with spiritual growth. The amount of money I had when I was drinking and using drugs will mostly be enough now that I'm not using.
● Relationships? Love? I receive this in the community. The fixing of my “external” relationships will come in Steps 8-9. Before that, I need to fix myself. I need to learn to love myself. But I feel in AA that they genuinely believe they “love me until I learn to love myself.”

And I am beginning to believe that God gives me everything I need. The more I think about it, the more I feel this...

Guidance for the step section:

Write down (think about):

● Can you change your (attitude towards the world)?
● Can you change other things as well?
● Do you need to change your attitude?
● Do you need to change other things as well?
● What else do you need besides spiritual growth?

Write down any experiences you have that support the idea that:

● Spiritual growth solves every problem.

3.9. I have become grateful to God for these realizations. I am grateful for everything.

The two most important points of the third step for me were:

1. I became willing to entrust my life’s course to God.
2. I realized that all I need to do is change my own (egocentric) way of thinking.

This was my part. I had to take this step. I am grateful that this is all I had to do. I receive everything else – and have already received it – from God. And I am grateful to Him for this. I have also started practicing a gratitude prayer that I found in our Daily Reflections book:

God!

● I am grateful for being alive.
● I am grateful that I don’t have to drink.
● I am grateful that I found AA.
● I am grateful that I can grow spiritually through the 12 Steps.

I say this prayer to myself whenever I think of it. Especially when I feel grateful for anything. And I am increasingly noticing things around me that I can be grateful for.

Guidance for the step section:

Write down (think about) whether you can be grateful for:

● The fact that you are alive?
● The fact that you don’t have to use substances?
● The fact that you found the community?
● The fact that you can grow spiritually through the 12 Steps?

Write down any experiences you have that support the idea that:

● Gratitude is a voluntarily chosen attitude.
● There are always things to find that we can be grateful for.
● Gratitude drives away sadness and depression.

In the evenings, write a gratitude list, and read it several times:

God! I am grateful for:

o a,
o b,
o c,

<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>

3.10. Reflective Questions – for Step 3

Before we move on to Step 4, let’s do a little self-reflection. Answer the following questions for yourself:

1. Do you accept the world created by God as it is?
2. Do you believe that God knows better what is good for you than you do?
3. Are you willing to subordinate your own will to God’s will?
4. Are you willing to entrust your life’s course to God (as you understand Him)?
5. Have you recognized that you cannot change the world? And that it is not necessary?
6. Have you recognized that you cannot change others? And that it is not necessary?
7. Have you recognized that you can only change your own way of thinking?
8. And that this is all you need (spiritual growth)?
9. Are you grateful to God for this? Are you grateful for anything?

Short explanations for the reflective questions of Step 3:

1. Without accepting reality, there is no recovery.
2. This is a useful belief. God knows more about everything than you do.
3. His will is surely stronger. Moreover, He wants you to be happy!
4. The key to recovery is willingness. Moreover, your life already belongs to God.
5. The world will carry on without you.
6. No one else will change to make your life better.
7. You only need to fix a few software bugs. That's all you have to do.
8. You need nothing else. You will receive everything else from God.
9. Look for reasons to be grateful! Gratitude is the antidote to depression.