Step Workbook - Step 12:

"As a result of the steps, we experienced a spiritual awakening; we tried to carry this message to other alcoholics and to practice these principles in all our affairs."

(Excerpt) - I.

The theme of the Twelfth Step is joy of life, and its key is action. Here, we turn to our suffering alcoholic brothers and sisters. Here, we experience what it means to give—without hope of reciprocation. Here, we begin to practice the Twelve Steps in our everyday lives so that we and our surroundings can achieve a balanced sobriety. Reflecting on the full significance of the Twelfth Step, we awaken to the understanding that this is truly about a love that comes with no price tag.

The Twelfth Step asserts that as a result of practicing all the previous Steps, we experience something: we call this a spiritual awakening. New members receive this with much skepticism and find it unlikely: "What do you mean by 'spiritual awakening'?" they ask. There are probably as many definitions of spiritual awakening as there are people who have experienced it. Nevertheless, all genuine spiritual awakenings have common features. These are not too difficult to recognize. When someone experiences a spiritual awakening, it empowers them to act, feel, and believe in ways they previously could not, relying solely on their own strength. They receive a gift that creates a new state of consciousness and existence. They feel they have stepped onto a new path that does not lead to a dead end. They also feel they do not have to struggle through life painfully. They have undergone a transformation in the truest sense because they have tapped into a resource from which they had deprived themselves until now. They feel they have reached a level of honesty, patience, selflessness, and love that they previously thought themselves incapable of achieving. They have received a gift for which they have prepared themselves, even if just a little.

Step Workbook - Step 12

(Excerpt) - II.

The practice of the Twelfth Step prepares us to receive the gift of spiritual awakening. Let us consider what we have tried to do so far:
The First Step contained an apparent contradiction: we experienced that we could not free ourselves from our alcohol obsession until we admitted that we were powerless over it. 
In the Second Step, we saw that we could not restore our mental health. We need the help of a Higher Power if we want to live. 
Consequently, in the Third Step, we entrusted our will and our lives to the care of God as we understood Him. This Higher Power was, for atheists and agnostics, at first the group or the whole of A.A. 

In the Fourth Step, we began to search for what had led us to physical, moral, and spiritual bankruptcy. We made a profound and courageous moral inventory. 

In the Fifth Step, we determined that the inventory alone was not enough. We realized we must give up the fatal habit of trying to solve our life crises alone. These crises must be laid bare before another human being—completely openly. 
In the Sixth Step, we hesitated because we were reluctant to let go of our character defects, as we still clung to them. Yet we knew we must agree with the principle of this Step. Therefore, we decided that—even though we still had character defects we did not want to relinquish—we must at least give up our stubborn attachment to them. We said, "True, maybe I'm not capable of it today, but I no longer say, 'never!'"

Then, in the Seventh Step, we humbly asked God to remove our shortcomings to the extent that we were able to today. 
In the Eighth Step, we continued our great cleaning effort because we realized we were not only at odds with ourselves but also with our fellow human beings and our life circumstances. We needed to start creating our spiritual peace. Therefore, we made a list of those we had harmed and were willing to make amends. 

In the Ninth Step, we did this by making amends to everyone, except when to do so would injure them or others. 
When we reached the Tenth Step, we began to establish our lives on a solid foundation. We realized that we must continue our self-examination steadfastly, and when we see that we have erred, we must admit it promptly. 
In the Eleventh Step, we recognized that if this Higher Power had restored our mental health and enabled us to enjoy some measure of spiritual peace in this chaotic world, it would be worthwhile to get to know this Power better, preferably through a personal relationship. We found that the practice of prayer and meditation opened a channel through which God's power and guidance flowed, no longer just trickling but flowing continuously. We became increasingly able to understand Him.

There is no doubt that through the practice of these Steps, we have truly experienced a spiritual awakening. 
[12 Steps and 12 Traditions, pp. 109-110.]

Step Workbook - Step 12

(Excerpt) - III.


There is no doubt that through the practice of these Steps, we have truly experienced a spiritual awakening. As we observed newcomers who still doubted themselves, we realized that the process of change had indeed begun. Drawing from many such experiences, we could foresee that the skeptic who still had not embraced this "spiritual attitude," and who still viewed the A.A. group as a higher power, would soon be able to love God—and would even call Him by name.  
[12 Steps and 12 Traditions, p. 111]

Step Workbook - Step 12  
(excerpt) - IV.

And what about the remaining part of the Twelfth Step? The wonderful energy it releases, the enthusiastic action it inspires to convey the message, and through which the Twelve Steps become a reality in every manifestation of our lives. This is the great reality of Alcoholics Anonymous.  
Even the newest member could never have dreamed of finding satisfaction in trying to help their alcoholic brothers, whose blindness may be even more severe than their own. When doing so, they give without expecting anything in return, not even gratitude from their suffering brother. They also discover—although it may seem contradictory—that such generosity carries its own reward, whether it is successful or not. Although they may still have serious character defects, they instinctively know that God has assisted them in achieving this successful beginning. They feel as if they stand before the gate of a new secret and are experiencing things they never even dreamed of.  

Almost every A.A. member testifies that nothing provides more satisfaction and joy than a well-performed message delivery. Seeing how the eyes of our fellow human beings open wide as they move from darkness toward light; how they find new purpose and meaning in their lives; how families are reunited; how society embraces the previously rejected alcoholic; and above all, how these individuals awaken to the presence of God: this is essentially the reward for delivering the A.A. message.  

The message delivery is not limited to this. When we are present at A.A. meetings, not only do we gain encouragement and support, but our mere presence provides the same to others. And when it is our turn to speak, we again transmit the A.A. message. Whether one person hears us or many, we are practicing message delivery.

Even those who find it difficult to speak at meetings, or who do not really have the opportunity to participate in visits to active alcoholics, can perform the not-so-glamorous task of making coffee or preparing snacks. These actions create an atmosphere for newcomers to relax, gain confidence, open up, and even laugh. Performing such tasks is, in the literal sense, message delivery: "You received freely, give freely," which captures the essence of the second part of the Twelfth Step.  
[12 Steps and 12 Traditions, pp. 111-112]

Step Workbook - Step 12  

(excerpt) - V.

There may be times when we have the opportunity to pass on the message while we are temporarily "off course." When we experience this, it may seem like a significant setback, but in the long run, it can be a springboard leading to better things. We may carry someone’s sobriety on our hearts. We do everything we can for them for months, yet they relapse. This may happen repeatedly, and it can discourage us, making us doubt our ability to convey the A.A. message.  

We might also experience the opposite, and success can inspire us. Here lies the danger of striving to possess newcomers. We may try to advise on matters in which we have no expertise or connection. When our advice is not accepted, we feel insulted. If someone follows our misguided counsel, we can cause even greater confusion. If we diligently engage in such work, we may gain the trust of many alcoholics through message delivery. Perhaps we will even be elected as the group leader. In this position, we might overdo the administration, which in some cases can lead to rejection. This can be hard to bear.  
Still, in the long run, we can realize that these are all problems that come with growth, and only good can come from them if we seek solutions through the application of all the Steps.  
[12 Steps and 12 Traditions, p. 113]

Step Workbook - Step 12  

(excerpt) - VI.

Finally, the hardest struggle: to practice these principles in all our affairs. Will we be able to be as enthusiastic about the whole of this lifestyle as we were about the little experiences stemming from helping alcoholics? Will we be able to love our often-tattered families as much as we love the A.A. group? Will we have as much trust in our families, which may be disturbed or even paralyzed by our illness, as we do in our sponsors? Can we carry the spirit of A.A. into our workplaces? Can we fulfill again our newly recognized responsibility that we owe to the world? Can we bring new determination and zeal into our chosen religion? Ultimately, can we find joy in life while trying so many things?  

We can go further: how will we be able to resign ourselves to failure or, conversely, endure success? How will we be able to accept these things without despair or arrogance? Can we accept poverty, illness, loneliness, or grief—with courage and spiritual equilibrium?  

Will we be content with modest but lasting results while life denies us shiny, glittering successes?  
To these questions, A.A. responds: "Yes, all this is possible." We know and see that the monotony of life, pain, and even misfortune can be beneficial if we steadfastly try to practice A.A.’s Twelve Steps. If this occurs with recovering alcoholics through A.A., it can become a reality in many other people’s lives as well.  
[12 Steps and 12 Traditions, pp. 113-114]

Step Workbook - Step 12  

(excerpt) - VII.

Of course, no one can be successful all the time, not even the best A.A. members. They do not have to drink to "become disoriented." The trouble often begins with indifference. We are sober. Our A.A. activities make us happy. Things are going well at home and work. Naturally, we pat ourselves on the back. Later, we realize that we have perceived things too superficially because we have stopped growing. We are satisfied with ourselves and think we do not need all the Twelve Steps. We may be successful with a couple, but we might only truly practice two: the First and that part of the Twelfth that speaks about passing on the message. The A.A. jargon calls this a "step skip." This can go on for years.  

With the best intentions, we can fall into this trap. Sooner or later, the time of walking on clouds will pass, and everything can become flat. We may even think that A.A. is not worth the effort at all. We become embarrassed and lose our courage.  
Then life— as it often does—strikes us hard, so that we can neither swallow nor digest it. Our promotion, for which we worked, does not come through. We lose a good job. We may face serious difficulties in our family or love life, or perhaps our soldier son, whom we thought God had taken under His protection, falls in war.  

What should we do now? Do we have available the resources we can rely on to face such blows, similar to what many others experience? We have never been able to face such serious problems in life before. Will we be able now—with the help of God, as we understand Him—to face these boldly, as our non-alcoholic friends do? Can we turn these blows to our advantage? Do we see opportunities for growth in them for ourselves or our fellow humans? Yes, we have this opportunity if we do not skip Steps but practice all of them and are willing to receive God’s grace. This grace can preserve and strengthen us in every catastrophe.  
[12 Steps and 12 Traditions, pp. 114-115]

Step Workbook - Step 12  

(excerpt) - VIII.

Our fundamental troubles are the same as those of others. But when an alcohol dependent person, firmly rooted in A.A., sincerely tries to practice these principles in all aspects of their life, then, by the grace of God, they will not perceive these troubles tragically. They will see them as an opportunity to prove their faith and loyalty. We have seen A.A. members suffering from slow-moving diseases, yet they hardly complain and can even remain cheerful.  

Most A.A. members have a relatively high capacity for seeking. Still, there are those who never get back on their feet financially, and even some who suffer severe losses. They generally bear these things with spiritual strength and faith.  
We have experienced that, like most people, we can endure the big blows. However, the smaller, annoying problems of life prove to be a greater test. This requires further spiritual development as the remedy. This is the only tool through which we can increase the likelihood of a happy and useful life. As we develop spiritually, we awaken to the realization that our perception of our instincts requires a radical revision. We must moderate and redirect our desire for emotional security, wealth, personal prestige, power, love successes, and satisfaction provided by family life.  

We learn that satisfying our instincts cannot be the sole purpose and meaning of our lives. If we place instincts first, we put the cart before the horse. This will lead us back to disillusionment. Our true hope can only come if we are willing to place spiritual growth above all else. If our joining A.A. is followed by growth, then our efforts and perceptions aimed at securing our emotional and material lives will undergo a radical transformation.  
[12 Steps and 12 Traditions, p. 116]

Step Workbook

 Step 12  

(excerpt) - IX.


Our efforts aimed at securing our emotional lives—wanting everything to go as we want—led to constant and insoluble conflict. Although we were often unaware of this, the result was the same. Either we tried to play God and dominate our environment, or we became overly dependent on it. When others behaved childishly and allowed us to control their lives, we were happy and felt secure. But when they grew tired of this and resisted or ran away from us, we felt offended and were bitterly disappointed. We blamed them, as we were unable to see that all of this was caused by our unreasonable demands.

When we fell into the opposite extreme, we childishly demanded that others protect us and take us under their wing. We behaved as if the world was obligated to take care of us. The outcome was just as unfortunate. This often led to those we loved most rejecting us or simply abandoning us. Our disillusionment was hard to bear. We were unable to recognize that—though we were considered adults by our age—we were behaving childishly. We tried to mold everyone: friends, wives, husbands, and even the whole world into adoring parents. We were unwilling to learn the hard lesson that dependence on others can never lead to success. People are flawed, and even the best among them can let you down, especially if we demand unreasonable adoration from them.

As we developed spiritually, we saw through this self-deception. It became increasingly clear that if we wanted to enjoy emotional security in adult society, we needed to build our lives on mutual concessions by seeing companions and siblings in our environment. We recognized that we must be willing to sacrifice without the expectation of repayment. When we diligently practiced this, we realized that people were drawn to us more than ever. We could even be understanding and not get upset when they fell short of expectations.

As we continued to develop, we discovered that the main source of our emotional life's stability was God Himself. We found that dependence on His perfect justice, forgiveness, and love was healthy and far more successful. If we truly depend on Him, we cannot play God before our fellow humans. At the same time, we do not feel the need to rely entirely on human protection and care. This new perspective gave many of us inner strength and peace that neither the failings of others nor the misfortunes we caused could shake.

We learned that we, as alcoholics, particularly needed this new outlook on life. In our alcoholism, we felt abandoned, even though we were surrounded by those who loved us. As our willfulness alienated everyone, our isolation became complete. This led us to play "big boys" in shabby bars, and then beg on the streets. We still tried to balance our emotional lives through dominating over others—or by becoming overly dependent on them.

Even when we were not in dire financial straits, we still found ourselves alone in the world, despite our attempts at domination or unhealthy dependence. For this reason, A.A. proved to be very important for us. Through A.A., we began to learn how to create proper human relationships with those who understand us, so we do not have to feel alone.  
[12 Steps and 12 Traditions, pages 117-118]


Step Book - Step 12

(Excerpt) - X.

Most married A.A. members live very happy family lives. A.A. has surprisingly restored many families damaged by alcoholic years. However, like in society at large, we also sometimes have disturbingly painful sexual and family problems. Separation and divorce, however, are rare in A.A. Our problem is no longer to save our marriage, but to make it increasingly happy, eliminating the emotional "twists" that often stem from alcoholism.

Almost every human being feels an urgent desire to find a partner of the opposite sex with whom they can create the fullest possible spiritual, mental, emotional, and physical unity. This powerful instinct is the root of great human achievements and creative energies, profoundly influencing our lives. God created us this way. Our question, then, is this: how did we abuse this gift, driven by ignorance, the search for our own will, and our instincts? We, A.A. members, cannot pretend that we have the answers to such ancient mysteries, but our experience teaches us that we do indeed have answers to some questions. These can be beneficial for us.

When alcoholism strikes, an unnatural state can develop that directly opposes the marriage bond. If the husband is affected, the wife must assume the role of head of the household and often the breadwinner. As the situation worsens, the husband becomes increasingly ill and turns into a reckless child. He requires supervision and needs to be pulled out of many troubles. Slowly—without her realizing it—the wife transforms into the mother of a stumbling child. If she possesses a strong maternal instinct by nature, the situation becomes even more serious. It is clear that under such circumstances, there can be no partnership. While the wife does what she sees as best, the alcoholic husband alternates between enjoying and resenting this maternal care. Thus, a pattern develops that is very difficult to overcome later.

Nevertheless, under the influence of A.A.’s Twelve Steps, these problems often find resolution. When the situation has become very toxic, a long and patient effort is needed. After the husband joins A.A., the wife may become dissatisfied or even resentful, as A.A. has done what she was unable to accomplish with years of dedication. Her husband may become so immersed in A.A. and his relationships with new friends that—regardless of her feelings—he spends more time away from home than when he was drinking. Seeing her husband's unhappiness, the wife might suggest (Al-Anon) the Twelve Steps and create the impression that he wants to teach her how to live.

Of course, the wife feels that she was much better than her husband. Thus, they blame each other and ponder when their marriage will once again be happy. They may even think that it never was.

Such incompatibility can cause a wound that necessitates separation. However, these are exceptional cases. The alcoholic—well aware of how much his wife has endured and fully understanding how much harm he has caused her and their children—almost always willingly begins to fulfill his marital duties. However, he also resigns himself to the fact that there are certain responsibilities he is incapable of meeting.

He steadfastly tries to practice all Twelve Steps at home, often with good results. At this point, he begins to behave as a partner, not as a bad boy, combined with love and determination. Above all, he is convinced that untamed romantic escapades are not for him.  
[12 Steps and 12 Traditions, pp. 119-121]


Step Book - Step 12

(Excerpt) - XI.

There are many unmarried A.A. members who wish to marry and are in a position to do so. Some marry within A.A. Are these marriages successful? Generally, yes. Their shared past of suffering, common interest in A.A. and spiritual matters often helps such marriages. Trouble may begin when A.A. is used to seek partners, and they fall in love at "first sight." Future spouses must stand on solid foundations.

They must know each other well enough to be certain that their spiritual, mental, and emotional harmony is not a dream but a reality. As far as humanly possible, they must be sure that they do not have any deeply rooted emotional deficiencies that could paralyze them in times of crisis. These considerations are equally important for those marrying outside A.A. If they understand each other and think as mature adults, the marriage can be successful.

What about those for whom— for any reason—family life is not possible? Initially, these people feel alone and painfully neglected as they see others around them enjoying happy family lives. If they cannot share in such happiness, will A.A. be able to provide them with similar and lasting joy? Yes—if they sincerely try.

Surrounded by many A.A. friends, such lonely individuals no longer feel alone. Together with other men and women, they can help a lot and implement useful plans. Free from the bonds of marriage, they can participate in endeavors that are unattainable for those with families. We see such members daily, who work wonders, and this can be a source of much joy for them.  
[12 Steps and 12 Traditions, pp. 121-122]


Step Book - Step 12 (Excerpt) - XII.

Our attitude toward material things has also radically changed. With few exceptions, we all spent money extravagantly. We threw our money around because we found satisfaction in it and wanted to make a good impression on others. During our drinking, we behaved as if our financial resources were inexhaustible. In the midst of our extravagance, however, we fell into the other extreme: we became miserly. Unconsciously, we hoarded our money for the next binge. Money was a symbol of pleasure and self-importance for us. As our drinking worsened, money served only to buy the next drink and the temporary solace of oblivion that came with it.

Entering A.A., this behavior changed radically, and often we fell into the opposite extreme. Seeing the years spent in extravagance, panic took hold of us. We thought we did not have enough time to clear up the ruins of our financial situation. How would we be able to pay off our huge debts, provide a comfortable home, raise our children, and save something for our old age? Our goal was no longer to flaunt our money, but to achieve financial security.

Even if our financial affairs were on solid ground, these nightmares continued to haunt us. Thus, we became miserly again and clutched our pennies tightly. Absolute financial security—otherwise, a deluge! We forgot that most alcoholics have a higher earning capacity than average. We forgot that our A.A. brothers and sisters have the goodwill and willingness to help us find better jobs if we deserve it. We forgot that the possibility of financial uncertainty exists for everyone in the world. And worst of all, we forgot about God. In financial matters, we relied only on ourselves—but not too much.

Of course, all of this meant that we were still not on solid ground. As long as our work was a means of making money rather than helping others; as long as the pursuit of money seemed more important than relying on God for our financial independence, we were still victims of foolish fear. This fear made it impossible for us to enjoy a balanced and useful existence—whether rich or poor. 

Over time, we found that with the help of A.A.’s Twelve Steps—regardless of our financial situation—we could shake off this fear. We even gladly performed menial jobs without worrying about the future.

If things were going well, we did not worry that they could turn bad, because we learned that even troubles can turn into values. It did not matter much what our financial situation was; what mattered more was our spiritual state. Money gradually became the servant of the Lord, a means of love and service to our fellow beings. When we accepted our fate with God's help, we realized we could live in peace with ourselves. We can also show others—who are still suffering—that they can overcome this fear as well. We found it more important to be free from this fear than to be free from poverty.  
[12 Steps and 12 Traditions, pp. 122-124]


Step Book - Step 12 (Excerpt) - XIII. 


Now let’s take a closer look at how our opinions about our own importance, power, ambition, and leadership have changed. These are the reefs on which many of us have suffered shipwreck during our drinking years.

Practically every American boy dreams of one day becoming the President of the United States. He wants to be the first citizen of the country. As he grows older, he smiles at this childhood dream. Later in life, he finds that true happiness does not consist of being first or being a champion in the ruthless struggle for money, love, and self-importance. He learns that he can be satisfied if he plays well with the cards that life has dealt him.

He has ambitions, but they are not absurd, as he can now see and accept the realities of life. He doesn’t want to grow beyond his own head. 
Of course, it is not the same for alcoholics. When A.A. was still young, several distinguished psychologists and doctors conducted exhaustive studies on a group of so-called "problem drinkers."

They did not look for what distinguished them from each other but what common personal traits they had—if they had any at all. Eventually, they came to a conclusion that shocked the A.A. membership at the time.

These esteemed professionals had the courage to say that most alcoholics they studied were still childish, emotionally sensitive, and grandiose. How much we, the alcoholics, hated this opinion! We were unwilling to admit that our adult dreams were often childish. Observing the rocky path we traveled, we found our excessive sensitivity to be natural. As for our grandiose behavior, we insisted it was nothing but a high but legitimate ambition to win the battle of life.

Later, most of us agreed with the doctors. We examined ourselves and our fellow beings much more closely. We realized that driven by fear and anxiety, we had made the pursuit of money and fame the goal of our lives, believing it would qualify us for leadership. Thus, false pride became the other side of the coin marked "fear."

We simply had to be first in everything to cover up our deeply rooted feelings of inferiority. Sometimes, when we had successes, we boasted about the great deeds we envisioned for our future. In times of failure, however, bitterness filled us. If we didn’t have much success, we became gloomy and subservient.

Consequently, others labeled us as inferior. Deep down in our hearts, we all harbored an abnormal fear. It didn’t matter whether we sat on the shores of the ocean of life, drunken to the point of oblivion, or recklessly and irresponsibly threw ourselves into deep water, where we could not stay afloat. The result was the same—we nearly drowned in the sea of alcohol. 
Today, however, as mature A.A. members, these distorted instincts are again directed toward their true purpose. We no longer strive to dominate or command our environment to prove our importance.

We no longer crave praise, nor do we seek fame and honors. When we evoke the affection of others through service to family, friends, workplaces, or local communities, and perhaps receive a responsible promotion that presumes trust, we feel gratitude and humility. Therefore, in the spirit of love and service, we make even greater efforts. True leadership is not in the vain display of glory and power but in setting a good example.  
[12 Steps and 12 Traditions, pp. 124-126.]

Step Workbook - 12th Step  

(excerpt) - XIV.

Even more wonderful is the feeling that we don’t have to stand out conspicuously from our peers to be useful. Not many of us can or perhaps even want to be outstanding leaders. The satisfaction that comes from living rightly cannot be replaced by wealth, glory, or pomp. Its true sources are: joyfully performed service, fulfilling our duties, and accepting or solving the adversities of life with divine help. The awareness that we are part of a common effort, both at home and in the world.

The understanding that every human being is important in God’s eyes. The assurance that love given with joy multiplies abundantly. The conviction that we no longer live isolated behind walls we have built ourselves. The certainty that we do not have to achieve the impossible to fit into God’s plans. Genuine ambition is not what we thought it was until now, but the desire for a useful life and the effort to humbly walk the path of life by God’s grace.

We have reached the end of a brief study of the A.A. Twelve Steps. From the fact that we have talked about so many problems, one might think that A.A. is primarily about solving puzzles and troubles. To some extent, this is true. We spoke about problems because we are problem people; but we are also those who have found the way upward and outward. We would like to share our knowledge with anyone who can benefit from it. Only by accepting and solving our problems can we get back on track with ourselves, our surroundings, and the One who takes care of us. The key to right behavior is understanding, and the key to a good life is good actions.

Therefore, the subject of the A.A. Twelve Steps is the joy that arises from living rightly. Every day of our lives, we would delve deeper into the meaning of A.A.'s simple prayer:

God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change;  
Courage to change the things I can;  
And wisdom to know the difference.

[12 Steps and 12 Traditions, pp. 126-127.]