NA – Step 10

Tenth Step

"We continued to take personal inventory, and when we were wrong, promptly admitted it."

Our lives have dramatically changed through the first nine steps – far more than we imagined when we came to Narcotics Anonymous. We have become more honest, humble, and caring towards others, with less fear, selfishness, and resentment. However, the permanence of such deep changes is not guaranteed. Since we are people living with the disease of addiction, there is always a risk of returning to where we started. Recovery has a price – it requires vigilance.

We must continue doing the things that have worked for our recovery so far. We need to stay honest, maintain our trust and faith, pay attention to our actions and reactions, and examine whether they are working for or against us. We also need to be mindful of how our actions affect others, and when they are negative or harmful, we must take immediate steps to take responsibility and make amends. In short, we must continue taking personal inventory and promptly admit when we are wrong.

As you can see, the Tenth Step asks us to repeat the work we did from the Fourth to the Ninth Steps, though in a much shorter form. The method suggested in this workbook generalizes the elements of personal inventory.

Some of us may find that we need to expand the questions to touch on specific areas of our personal recovery. The IP 9 pamphlet, *Living the Program*, also provides additional points to focus on. This is where guidance from our sponsor can help. As mentioned before, this workbook is just a starting point, not the final word on the steps.

- Why is the Tenth Step necessary?
- What is the purpose of continuing to take personal inventory?
- How can my sponsor help me?

NA - Step 10 - Chapter 10.1.1: Clarifying Basic Concepts

#Feeling vs. Action

We use the Tenth Step to stay continually aware of our feelings, thoughts, and more importantly, our actions. Before we start taking personal inventory, it's crucial to understand what we are examining. It doesn’t help much to make a list of our feelings without connecting them to the actions those feelings generate or prevent. We might often feel bad, even while acting correctly, or feel good while behaving poorly.

For example, an NA member walks into a home group. “How are you?” someone asks. “Terrible,” they reply. Naturally, they are referring to their feelings. They can’t be referring to their actions, as they are doing well: they attended a meeting, honestly shared how they felt, and reached out to another member for support.

On the other hand, we may be absorbed in fulfilling our desires and acting on character defects, making us feel good on the surface. But it might take a while to recognize the emptiness that comes with that way of life. We avoid doing the work that helps us stay clean, choosing the easy way instead. Deep down, we know where that path leads!

The Tenth Step helps us remain self-aware, preventing us from falling into extremes. We don't need to beat ourselves up for feeling bad; instead, we can focus on the positive steps we take. Shifting our focus this way might even help us feel better. Being aware of our actions helps us see destructive patterns long before they take hold, preventing us from feeling good at the cost of what is good for us.

As addicts, we tend to judge our feelings harshly. We want anything that feels bad to end immediately. We often fail to recognize when our feelings are justified based on the circumstances.

For example, many of us don’t like feeling angry. We don’t enjoy the feeling, judge it, and conclude that we have no right to feel this way, then do everything we can to suppress our anger. Yet, we might be in situations that rightfully trigger anger. Maybe someone we’re involved with treats us disrespectfully, or perhaps we’ve been passed over for deserved promotions at work. Our reaction in such cases is anger. We’ve been treated poorly – it's natural to be angry. At this point, our recovery can lead us to higher self-esteem, or our disease can pull us into the fog of depression and resentment.

It all depends on how we respond to our anger. If we scream, curse, and throw things, we lose any chance of improving our relationships or work situations. If we do nothing and bury our anger, we’ll become depressed and resentful, which won’t improve our situation either. However, we can improve things by taking positive steps to make them better. If nothing else, we’ll know when it’s time to walk away, and we can do so without regret.

Often, our feelings simply need to be felt. We don’t have to act on them. For instance, when we lose someone, we will feel sadness. Our sadness may last a long time, and it will fade only after we have grieved enough. We cannot let our sadness drag us down so far that we can’t live our lives, but we need to be prepared for it to affect us. It may distract us easily, or make it hard to enjoy things that are supposed to bring us pleasure.

We must find balance, not denying our feelings but not letting them overwhelm us either – we want to avoid extremes. This concept may seem simple – almost self-evident – yet many of our members report that it takes years of recovery to reach a point where they can find balance in most cases.

So, the Tenth Step gives us the freedom to feel our feelings, as it allows us to see the difference between feeling and action.

- Are there times in my life when I struggle to distinguish between my feelings and my actions? Elaborate.

NA - Step 10 - Chapter 10.1.2: Right vs. Wrong

The Tenth Step requires us to promptly admit when we are wrong. This step assumes we know when we are wrong, but in reality, most of us don’t, at least not immediately. To become better at recognizing our mistakes, we need to regularly practice personal inventory.

Let’s face it: when we were new in recovery, we were at odds with much of the world, at least to some extent. As the *Basic Text* says, “our lives had become unmanageable.” We didn’t know how to communicate properly with others. We started learning this in recovery, but we made many mistakes along the way. Some of us went through a phase where we became very rigid about the values we learned in recovery, not just for ourselves but for others too.

We made principles out of everything, judging anyone who had “unacceptable” behavior, thinking they should “face themselves.” But in reality, it was our behavior that was unacceptable. We were self-righteous and aggressive. We were wrong.

Or, for those of us who spent years letting others walk all over us, we decided to become assertive in recovery, but we went too far. We demanded that everyone treat us perfectly. No one could have a bad day, like not returning our phone calls. We wouldn’t allow anyone to be emotionally closed off – even for a short time. We angrily demanded perfect service at places where we shopped. We weren’t being assertive.

We were childish and hostile. We were wrong.

We can also be wrong when someone hurts us. How? Our sponsor hurts us, and instead of addressing it with them, we start telling our closest friends the story at meetings. By the end of the week, half the NA community is talking about how someone treated their sponsee poorly – if the story hasn’t already become distorted. So, even though we didn’t start off wrong, we end up responsible for damaging our sponsor’s reputation in a program where they need a seat just as much as we do, and where they have the same right to make mistakes and recover at their own pace.

- Were there times in my recovery when I realized my mistakes only later? What were those mistakes?
- How have my mistakes affected my life? And the lives of others?

NA - Step 10 - Chapter 10.1.3: Prompt Admission

10.1.3 IMMEDIATE ADMISSION

It's quite difficult to see immediately when we make a mistake; and admitting it might seem even more challenging. Just like in the Ninth Step, we should be mindful not to cause more harm when admitting our faults.

For example, we realize we've hurt someone close to us – maybe because that person stopped speaking to us, but we're unsure if we said or did something hurtful. Instead of taking the time to reflect on what happened or discussing it with the person involved, we lump all possibilities together and make a blanket apology. We approach the person and say, "Please forgive me for any discomfort and mistakes I've made since we’ve known each other."

The Tenth Step requires us to take time to reflect on such examples. It could be when we recall a behavior from someone that caused a change in us and how we acted immediately before the incident. By examining it, we'll know where we went wrong. It might be painful or annoying to think it through. It certainly requires effort, but that's true for all the steps. Laziness is a character defect, and we cannot afford to be lazy.

Once again, if we are entirely in the dark and simply can’t figure out what we may have said or done wrong, there's nothing wrong with approaching the person and saying it seems like they're upset with us, that we value the relationship, and we would like to talk about it. Most of us are afraid of what we might hear, but fear shouldn't stop us from working on the Tenth Step.

There are other ways to make our admission completely ineffective. If we admit our fault but then immediately highlight how the other person's behavior triggered our character defect, our apology becomes nullified. For instance, one of our children behaved rudely, so we yelled at them and used foul language. If we admit our character defect but tell them we yelled because of their behavior, we're conveying that we were justified. That’s another character defect.

Steps Four through Nine deal with events from the past, while the Tenth Step requires us to stay attentive in the present. We don't want unresolved mistakes to accumulate. We must strive to stay aware of what we’re doing at all times. Most of our work will involve maintaining this mindset. If we find ourselves becoming negative and constantly complaining, it’s worth considering what we are grateful for.

When we make a mistake, it's important to notice how we react. Do we immediately apologize? Do we blame someone else for negatively influencing us, or do we blame our illness? Whatever the excuse, we are responsible for our actions. Our character defects may often try to get the better of us, but that’s no excuse for our actions. We need to accept responsibility and continuously seek to remove our character defects.

"What does 'When we were wrong, we promptly admitted it' mean to me?  
In my recovery, was there a time when I made a situation worse by talking to someone too soon or by blaming others for my behavior?  
How does promptly admitting my faults help me change my behavior?"

10.1.4. THE NEED FOR A CONTINUOUS INVENTORY

The Tenth Step highlights the need to continue personal inventory, and it may reinforce the idea that we only do this to discover our mistakes. But how could we identify when we were wrong if there weren’t times when we acted without character defects? Our personal inventory should not only include admitting our weaknesses but also identifying the things we did right. Most of us struggle with the concept of what it means to act correctly.

We recall times when we strongly defended our stance, but in recovery, we understood that even if we "won" an argument by bulldozing over someone, we were still wrong. Or take personal values, for example. We know they're appropriate for us, but if we start flaunting them, they become self-righteous. So, how can we do the right things comfortably? Mostly by working on the Sixth and Seventh Steps, ensuring our character defects don't turn our positive actions into negatives. We need to accept that it takes time to feel comfortable in this new way of life in recovery, and along the way, we will make mistakes.

"In my recovery, have I felt uncomfortable reporting on my good deeds? Write it down."

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10.2 Inventory  

#10.2.1. HOW OFTEN SHOULD WE TAKE PERSONAL INVENTORY?

*It Works: How and Why* tells us that while we continuously examine ourselves throughout the day, it’s also useful to sit down at the end of the day and work on this step. We need daily consistency to establish the habit and deepen the spiritual principles that go along with it.

Taking personal inventory becomes instinctive after we get clean, and our days of abstinence turn into weeks, months, and years. Monitoring our spiritual condition becomes a daily practice without much thought. We immediately notice when we’re heading in a direction we don’t want to or when we’re behaving in ways that will surely cause harm. We’re able to correct it. So, the frequency of using personal inventory may depend on our experience in recovery.

Some of us, in the beginning, go through the *IP 9: Living the Program* pamphlet or similar exercises at the start and/or end of the day, setting our "spiritual temperature." The key is to practice until it becomes a habit, until monitoring our recovery and spiritual condition becomes second nature, until we instantly recognize when we’ve strayed off course and begin the process of making amends.

"Why is it important to take personal inventory continuously until it becomes second nature?"

#10.2.2. TAKING A PERSONAL INVENTORY

The following questions cover general areas we want to examine during our personal inventory. There are times when our sponsor might ask us to take an inventory on a particular part of our life – such as romantic relationships or work behavior patterns.

Or they might supplement the list with specific questions.

It’s advisable to seek the help of our sponsor when working on any step.

- Have I made efforts to strengthen my faith in a loving and caring Higher Power?  
- Did I seek my Higher Power's guidance today? How?  
- How did I serve God and those around me today?  
- What did God provide today that I’m grateful for?  
- Do I believe that my Higher Power can show me how to live, and that this power can guide me better than I can?  
- Do I see "old patterns" in my life today? If so, what are they?  
- Have I experienced resentment, fear, selfishness, or dishonesty today?  
- Was I disappointed today?  
- Am I generally kind and loving?  
- Am I worried about yesterday or tomorrow?  
- Did I let myself become obsessed with anything?  
- Did I let myself become too hungry, angry, lonely, or tired?  
- Am I taking myself too seriously in any area of my life?  
- Am I suffering from any physical, mental, or spiritual issues?  
- Is there anything I need to discuss with my sponsor?  
- Did I experience any extreme feelings today? What were they, and why did I feel that way?  
- What are the problem areas in my life today?  
- What mistakes manifested in my life today? How?  
- Did I feel fear today?  
- What did I do today that I regret?  
- What didn’t I do that I should have?  
- Do I want to change?  
- Did I have any conflicts with someone today? What was it?  
- Am I maintaining my personal integrity in my relationships with others?  
- Did I harm myself or others today, directly or indirectly? How?  
- Do I owe an apology or amends?  
- Where did I go wrong? If I could do it again, what would I do differently? How can I do better next time?  
- Was I clean today?  
- Was I kind to myself today?  
- What emotions did I feel today? How did I use them in making principle-centered choices?  
- What did I do to serve others today?  
- What did I do today that gave me positive feelings?  
- What brings me satisfaction today?  
- What did I do today that I definitely want to repeat?  
- Did I attend a meeting today, or talk with someone in recovery?  
- What do I have to be grateful for today?

10.3. Spiritual Principles

In Step Ten, we focus on the principles of self-discipline, honesty, and integrity.

10.3.1. SELF-DISCIPLINE

Self-discipline is vital in our recovery. When we were using, we were selfish and only focused on ourselves. We always chose the easier path, acted on impulse, and rejected any opportunity for personal growth. If something in our lives required commitment, we only took it on if it wasn't too difficult, if it didn’t push us out of our comfort zone, or simply if we felt like it.

In recovery, self-discipline calls on us to do certain things regardless of how we feel about them. We need to attend meetings regularly, even if we’re tired, busy with work, having fun, or feeling desperate.

We especially need to attend regularly when we feel resistant to what recovery is doing to us. We go to meetings, call our sponsor, and work with others because we’ve chosen recovery in NA, and these are the things that help ensure ongoing recovery. Sometimes we’re enthusiastic about them, and other times we have to summon all our strength and willingness to push forward. Sometimes these things are so ingrained in our daily routine that we barely notice we’re doing them.

- Why is self-discipline important in this step?
- How can practicing self-discipline in this step affect my overall recovery?

10.3.2. HONESTY

The principle of honesty begins with Step One and flourishes in Step Ten. At this stage of our recovery, the scope and depth of our honesty are truly remarkable. In the past, we might have only realized our honest motivations in hindsight, but now we can be honest with ourselves and about ourselves in the moment.

- How does continuously examining my faults (honesty with myself) help me change my behavior?

10.3.3. INTEGRITY

The principle of integrity can be quite complex. There is no other principle that better enhances our ability to practice the other principles. In fact, integrity is the ability to know which principle to use and to what extent in any given situation. For example, imagine standing outside a meeting and getting caught in a conversation where someone is gossiping about one of our fellows.

Let’s say they’re talking about an affair involving our best friend’s fiancé, which we know is true because our friend confided in us about it the previous night. In such a situation, knowing the right course of action requires every ounce of our integrity. Which spiritual principle should we apply here? Honesty? Tolerance? Respect? Distancing ourselves?

Our instinct might be to jump in and deny the gossip because we know how much it would hurt our friend to find out that such a sensitive topic is being publicly discussed.

But by doing so, we might actually confirm the truth of the gossip and put our friend in an even more uncomfortable situation, or we might humiliate those involved in the gossip through our self-righteousness. In most cases, we don’t need to prove our integrity by confronting situations in which we play no role.

There are a few things we can do in such situations. We can change the subject, or simply walk away. These actions send subtle signals about our feelings. At the same time, we allow ourselves to stay true to our principles and protect our friend as much as possible.

- Can you think of a situation in your recovery where you had to apply the principle of integrity?
- How did you respond? When did it feel right, and when did it not?