Step 5 of NA

Fifth Step

"We admitted to God, to ourselves, and to another human being the exact nature of our wrongs."

The "Basic Text" states that "Step Five is not merely reading off your Fourth Step." Yet we know that part of the Fifth Step is reading your Fourth Step to another person. So what is more than just reading?

Admission—admitting to God, ourselves, and another person—leads to spiritual growth, which is central to this step. We already have some experience with admission. We've admitted that we're sick, we've admitted that we need help, and we've admitted that a power greater than ourselves can help us. These experiences help us in this step.

Many of us felt a sense of relief after completing our Fourth Step, thinking the hardest part was over, only to realize that we still had to do the Fifth Step. Then, fear kicked in.

Many of us feared rejection or judgment from our sponsor. Others hesitated because they didn't want to burden their sponsor with too much. We weren't sure if we trusted our sponsor to keep our secrets. Perhaps we were worried about revealing things from our inventory or feared that something uncomfortable would be exposed, which our sponsor would immediately recognize. Many feared reliving old feelings and wondered if it was even worth stirring up the past. Some of us felt that until we spoke our inventory out loud, its contents weren't real.

When we examine our feelings about Step Five, we feel the motivation to continue driven by the desire for recovery. We think of people we know who have worked on this step. We're moved by their honesty and their ability to form meaningful connections with others. They're not always talking about themselves; they're interested in others and genuinely care about their answers. If we ask them how they learned so much about relationships, they'll likely say they started learning through Step Five.

Those of us who have worked on the Fourth and Fifth Steps before knew that this process always leads to change; we knew we could no longer act as we had before. Maybe we weren't entirely sure if we wanted this, but deep down, we knew we needed to change—we just feared we couldn't.

5.1 Preparing for the Step

Two things are necessary to start working on Step Five: courage and a sense of faith in recovery. If we have both, we can confront our fears and make the admissions required by this step.

5.1.1 Facing Our Fears

The fears we experience may be our own, or they may be imposed from external sources. It's important to recognize our fears and move forward despite them to continue our recovery.

- What reservations do I have about the Fifth Step?
- Do I have any fears at this point? What are they?

5.1.2 Willingness

Regardless of where our fears come from, many of us deal with them in similar ways: we pray for courage and willingness, we read the Fifth Step chapter in It Works: How and Why, and we seek affirmation from other NA members. Many of us have attended step meetings where, coincidentally, the topic always seems to be the Fourth or Fifth Step. If we make an effort to share what we're going through, we're sure to get the support we need from others. Continuing with Step Five is made easier by relying on the spiritual principles we've learned in previous steps.

- What am I doing to overcome my fear of Step Five?
- How have the previous steps helped me prepare for Step Five?

5.2 Admitting to God

The It Works: How and Why chapter on Step Five answers the question of why we need to admit the exact nature of our wrongs to God, as well as to ourselves and another person. In NA, we experience a life where the spiritual meets the everyday, where the ordinary meets the extraordinary. When we admit the exact nature of our wrongs to the God of our understanding, our admission takes on greater significance.

How we make this admission to the God of our understanding depends on our specific beliefs. Some, alongside their admissions to themselves and another person, make a formal admission to God. Others acknowledge and invite the presence of a Higher Power in some way before reviewing their inventory with their sponsor. Those whose Higher Power is the spiritual principles of recovery and the NA fellowship may need to find other ways to work on this part of the Fifth Step. Our sponsor can help guide us through this process. Whatever we do, as long as we are aware that our admission is also being made to our Higher Power, we are on the right track.

- How will I involve the God of my understanding in my Fifth Step?
- How is the decision I made in Step Three strengthened in Step Five?

5.3 Admitting to Ourselves

When we were using, there were probably people who told us we had a drug problem and that we needed help. Their comments didn't really interest us, or if they did, it wasn't enough to make us stop using. It wasn't until we admitted to ourselves that we were addicts and surrendered to the NA program that we were able to stop. It's the same with the admission in Step Five. Anyone—from our spouse to our employer to our sponsor—can tell us that what we're doing is harming us, but until we admit the exact nature of our wrongs to our innermost selves, we are unlikely to have the willingness or ability to choose a different path.

- Do I recognize and accept the exact nature of my wrongs?
- How will this admission change the direction of my life?

5.4 Admitting to Another Person

As addicts, one of our biggest challenges is distinguishing our responsibilities from those of others. We blame ourselves for disasters beyond our control, while often denying the harm we've caused ourselves and others. We dramatize small issues and brush off major problems that would benefit from deeper examination. If we're unsure about the exact nature of our wrongs when we begin Step Five, we will know by the time we finish—because we are making this admission to another person. What we can't see, our listener will, and they'll help us sort out what we need to take responsibility for and what we don't.

Most of us, before formally starting to work on the steps, have already asked someone to be our sponsor, and we've developed a relationship with them. For most of us, our sponsor will be the "other person" who hears our Fifth Step. They help us distinguish what is ours to own and what is not. The relationship we've built with our sponsor gives us the trust we need. The therapeutic value of one addict helping another often becomes most evident when our sponsor shares parts of their own inventory as we share ours. This greatly reassures us that we are not alone.

The trust we place in the person who hears our Fifth Step goes beyond trusting them to keep our confidences. We also need to trust that they'll respond appropriately to what we share. Many of us choose our sponsor to hear our Fifth Step because they know us, they know our issues, and therefore they know what help we need throughout the process. Additionally, if our sponsor hears us, it helps keep the process of working the steps continuous. Still, if for some reason we choose someone else to hear our Fifth Step, we look for the same qualities in them that we seek in a sponsor: someone who is supportive without minimizing our responsibility, who encourages us when the Fifth Step gets heavy—essentially, someone who is compassionate, grounded, and insightful.

- What qualities does my listener have that I find appealing?
- How do their qualities make my admission more effective?

5.4.1 Honest Relationships

For most of us, forming honest relationships is a new experience. We're very good at running away from relationships as soon as someone tells us a painful truth. We're also good at interacting with others politely, keeping our distance, and avoiding depth. The Fifth Step helps us build honest relationships. We tell the truth about who we are—and then comes the hard part: listening to the response. Most of us were terrified of this kind of relationship. The Fifth Step gives us an exceptional opportunity to test out this kind of safety in relationships. We can be almost certain that we won't be judged.

- Am I willing to trust the person who will hear my Fifth Step?
- What do I expect from this person?
- How will Step Five help me build new relationships?

5.4.2 The Exact Nature of Our Wrongs

Another way to avoid having our Fifth Step be "merely reading our Fourth Step" is to focus on the exact nature of our wrongs. Our members have different experiences with the exact nature of their wrongs. Most of us agree that it's useful to focus on the patterns of our addiction and the reasons for our actions while working on the Fifth Step.

Identifying the exact nature of our wrongs often happens when we share our inventory. Reliving a particular situation can reveal its true nature. For example, why do we always get involved with people whom we sense deep down aren't right for us? Why do we approach every relationship as if our life depends on who is right? Why do we feel threatened by new experiences and avoid them? Uncovering the common threads in our behavior leads us to the exact nature of our wrongs.

At some point, we may start calling these specific behavior patterns our character defects. Although it isn't until Step Six that we deeply examine how each character defect keeps us sick, it's useful to become familiar with this process now.

- How does the exact nature of my wrongs differ from my actions?
- Why is it important to admit the true nature of my wrongs in addition to my wrongs themselves?

5.5 Spiritual Principles

In Step Five, we focus on the spiritual principles of trust, courage, honesty, and commitment.

5.5.1 Trust

Practicing the Spiritual Principle of Trust

Practicing the spiritual principle of trust is essential if we want to get through the Fifth Step. As mentioned above, by now, we probably trust our sponsor enough to move forward with this step. But what if we start to wonder whether working on the Fifth Step can really help us? Along with trusting the other person, we also need to trust the process. The connection between the Fifth Step and our spiritual growth isn’t always clear to us. That doesn’t mean the connection doesn’t exist, but it can make it harder for us to trust the process.

Do I believe that working on the Fifth Step can make my life better? How?

5.5.2 Courage

Courage is one of the principles we need to practice in order to begin this step. As we work through the step, we may need to draw on courage repeatedly. When we decide to meet with our sponsor to share what we’ve written but end up hesitating and hanging up the phone, it's because we're feeling fear. This is when we need to practice courage. When we reach a section of our inventory that we feel we can’t share with anyone, we need to face the fear with courage and keep going to share everything.

When we’re in the midst of sharing something incredibly painful and the vulnerability feels overwhelming to the point that we’d rather shut down than listen to our sponsor, we are at a defining moment in our recovery, and this is where we must choose the braver path. If we take this path, it will affect the rest of our lives. Every time we are afraid, we remind ourselves that sinking into that feeling only brings negative consequences in our lives. This time will be no different if we do the same. This reminder will motivate us to gather our courage.

In what ways do I find enough courage to work on the step?  
How does the courage I practice during the Fifth Step affect my overall recovery?  
Have I set a time and place to share my Fifth Step? When and where?

5.5.3 Honesty

Practicing honesty with ourselves is fundamental when admitting the exact nature of our wrongs. Just as we can’t separate ourselves from our feelings out of fear of our listener’s reaction, we also can’t allow ourselves to shut off from our own emotional responses. We must allow ourselves to experience the natural human reactions evoked by our discussion of our addicted life. Our lives were sad. We missed out on a lot because of our addiction. We hurt those we loved. These realizations are painful. At the same time, if we pay close attention, we can recognize another feeling emerging behind the pain: hope.

We’re no longer using drugs to deal with our emotions, we’re no longer running from them, and we’re no longer shutting down because of them. Now, for the first time, we have the opportunity to experience our feelings with courage, even the painful ones. When we do this, we’ll build a better relationship with ourselves in the long run. One of the recurring paradoxes in recovery is that what begins in pain often ends in joy and peace.

How have I tried to avoid being honest with myself in the past? How about in the present?  
How does a more realistic view of myself relate to humility?  
How does practicing honesty with myself help me accept myself?

5.5.4 Commitment

By practicing this step, we practice the principle of commitment. We've made various “commitments” throughout our lives: commitments we abandoned during tough times; “commitments” that served only our comfort. In the NA program, each step we take deepens our commitment to the program.

Choosing a sponsor, working on the steps, selecting a home group, and attending its meetings all demonstrate that we are making a practical and meaningful commitment to our recovery.

How does sharing my inventory with my sponsor deepen my commitment to the NA program?

5.6 Moving Forward

5.6.1 Self-Acceptance

One of the many gifts we experience while working on the Fifth Step is the feeling of self-acceptance. We gain a clear understanding of who we are today and accept ourselves without reservation. Just because we have shortcomings in certain areas doesn’t mean we are worthless. We begin to see that we have both strengths and weaknesses. We are capable of great things—and we can also cause great harm. Some traits of our personality make us unique.

Our experiences—even the bad ones—have often contributed to the development of our best qualities. For the first time, we are able to recognize that we are okay just as we are in this moment. However, accepting ourselves as we are today doesn’t mean we can stop striving for growth. True self-acceptance includes accepting our shortcomings. If we believed that we no longer needed to work on our growth, that wouldn’t be self-acceptance—it would be denial. So, we acknowledge our shortcomings and commit to working on them.

If we want to be more compassionate, we practice the principle of compassion. If we want to be more educated, we dedicate time to learning. If we want more friends, we put effort into building relationships.

How has working on the Fifth Step strengthened my humility and self-acceptance?

5.6.2 Changes in My Relationships

As we finish the Fifth Step, we may feel a sense of relief; we have freed ourselves from the burden of what we once hid or suppressed with great effort. It’s true that "our defects die when exposed to the light." This exposure gives us a sense of freedom that we feel regardless of our external circumstances.

All our relationships begin to change as a result of the work we’ve done in this step. It’s especially important to recognize how our relationships with ourselves, with our Higher Power, and with others have changed:

How has my relationship with my Higher Power changed as a result of working on the Fifth Step?  
How has my relationship with my sponsor changed as a result of working on the Fifth Step?  
How has my perception of myself changed as a result of working on this step?  
To what extent have I developed feelings of love and compassion for myself and others?

Along with the feeling of relief, we will likely feel utterly exhausted by our character defects. This feeling can easily transform into a state of full readiness—the very state we need to start the Sixth Step.