NA - Step 3 - Chapter 3.1

Third Step  
"We made a decision to turn our will and our lives over to the care of God as we understood Him."

3.1. THE PROCESS OF MAKING THE DECISION  

We worked on the First and Second Steps with our sponsor – we surrendered and showed willingness to try something new. But if we don’t act on that willingness right now, it will disappear, and we will find ourselves back at the starting point. Working the Third Step requires action.  
The most important action in the Third Step is making the decision. We may feel afraid at the thought of having to make a decision, especially when we consider what we are deciding in this step. Many of us haven’t made any decisions for a long time. Others made our decisions for us – our addiction, authorities, or we simply avoided responsibility for deciding anything on our own. Furthermore, when we imagine entrusting our lives and will to the care of something we don’t even understand at this point, we may feel overwhelmed and begin looking for an easier path in the program. These thoughts are dangerous because if we cut corners in the program, we are also cutting short our recovery.  
The decision in the Third Step can seem too big to handle. The fears and mindset that accompany this can be eased by breaking this step into smaller, separate parts. The Third Step is just one part of the recovery journey from addiction. Making the decision in the Third Step doesn’t mean we suddenly or completely change our entire life or lifestyle. Major changes in our lives will happen gradually as we work on our recovery, and our participation in those changes is necessary. We don’t need to fear that this step will make us do something we are not ready for or something we won’t like.  

There is significant meaning in what this step suggests: that we turn our will and our lives over to the care of God as we understand Him. These words are especially important. By working on the Third Step, we allow someone or something to care for us, not to control or manage our lives for us. This step doesn’t suggest that we become mindless robots, incapable of living our own lives. Nor does it encourage us to live irresponsibly. Instead, we are making a simple decision to change direction, to stop resisting the natural and logical flow of life’s events, and to stop exhausting ourselves by insisting that everything happens exactly as we imagined it. We accept that a Power greater than ourselves can better care for our will and lives than we can. We continue the spiritual process of recovery while discovering what the word “God” means to us.

In this step, each of us comes to some understanding of what “God” means to us. Our understanding doesn’t need to be complete or final. It doesn’t need to match anyone else’s. We might be sure of what God is NOT, but unsure of what God IS, and that’s okay. The only thing that matters is that we begin the search, which allows us to further develop this concept as we continue our recovery. Our understanding of God will grow as we grow in our recovery. Working on the Third Step will help us discover what works best for us.

NA - Step 3 - Chapter 3.1.1

3.1.1. MAKING DECISIONS  

As we’ve discussed, many of us are discouraged by the idea of making a big decision. We may feel hesitant and paralyzed. We might fear the results or the implied commitment. We might think this decision is permanent, and fear we won’t do it right or won’t have the chance to do it again. However, turning our will and lives over to the care of God as we understand Him is a decision we can make repeatedly, even daily if necessary. In fact, we will likely need to make this decision regularly, or else risk complacency in our recovery.  
It’s important that we make this decision with our hearts and souls. Although the word “decision” sounds like something that happens mainly in our minds, we need to do the work necessary to move beyond the intellectual level so that our choice becomes a part of who we are.  
Why is decision-making central to this step?  
Can I make this decision just for today? Do I have any fears or reservations about it? What are they?

NA - Step 3 - Chapter 3.1.2

3.1.2. ACTIONS  

We need to realize that making a decision without following it with action is meaningless. For example, we might decide one morning that we will go somewhere, but then sit down and not leave the house all day. This would render our earlier decision pointless, just as insignificant as any fleeting thought we might have.  
What action followed my decision?  
What areas of my life are difficult to surrender?  
Why is it important to surrender them anyway?  

NA – Step 3 – Chapter 3.1.3  

3.1.3. STUBBORNNESS  

The Third Step is particularly important because we have acted out of stubbornness for so long, exploiting our right to choose and make decisions. What exactly is stubbornness? Sometimes it manifests as total withdrawal and isolation, leading us to live a very lonely and self-consuming existence. Other times, stubbornness causes us to act without considering anything beyond our own desires. We ignore the needs and feelings of others. We bulldoze through anyone who questions our right to do whatever we want. Like a tornado, we tear through the lives of family, friends, even strangers, without realizing the destruction we leave in our wake. If circumstances don’t suit us, we’ll try to change them at any cost to achieve our goals. We seek to impose our will no matter what. We become so engrossed in aggressively pursuing our feelings that we completely lose touch with our consciousness and Higher Power. To work on this step, we need to identify how we’ve acted out of stubbornness.  
How have I acted stubbornly?  
What impact has this had on my life?  
What impact has my stubbornness had on others?  

NA – Step 3 – Chapter 3.1.5  

3.1.5. OUR HIGHER POWER'S WILL FOR US  

If we're new to the program and just starting on Step Three, we might wonder what God's will for us is, thinking that this step asks us to figure it out. We don’t actually focus specifically on discerning our Higher Power’s will until the Eleventh Step, but in Step Three, we begin the process that leads us to that point.  
God’s will for us is something we gradually come to understand as we work through the steps. At this point, we can draw some very simple conclusions about our Higher Power’s will, which will serve us for now. Our Higher Power’s will for us is to stay clean. Our Higher Power’s will is for us to do things that help us remain clean, like attending meetings and regularly speaking with our sponsor.  
I’ll describe times when my will wasn’t enough. (For example, I couldn’t stay clean on my own will.)  
What is the difference between my will and God's will?  

NA – Step 3 – Chapter 3.1.6  

3.1.6. TAKING BACK MY WILL  

At some point in our recovery, we may find that when we tried to align our will with that of our Higher Power, we subtly shifted toward being driven by stubbornness again. This happens so gradually that we barely notice it. It seems like we are especially vulnerable to stubbornness when things are going well. We cross the fine line between humbly pursuing our goals and subtly manipulating or forcing outcomes. We may find ourselves pushing too hard in a conversation to convince someone of our rightness. We might notice we’ve been holding on to something for a bit too long. Suddenly, we realize that it’s been a while since we last reached out to our sponsor. There’s a quiet, almost subconscious discomfort that alerts us to this subtle shift away from recovery—if we listen to it.  
Were there times in my recovery when I found myself gently taking back my will and my life?  
What woke me up to it?  
What did I do to recommit to the Third Step?  

NA – Step 3 – Chapter 3.2.1  

3.2. GOD AS WE UNDERSTAND HIM  

3.2.1. NEGATIVE CONCEPTS, PREJUDICES  

Before we dive into the process of turning our will and our lives over to the care of God as we understand Him, we need to work through any negative ideas or useless prejudices we might have about the word "God."  
Does the word "God," or the very concept, make me uncomfortable? What is the source of this discomfort?  
Did I ever believe that God caused me terrible things, or that I was being punished? What were those things?  

NA – Step 3 – Chapter 3.2.2  

3.2.2. POSITIVE CONCEPTS  

Our Basic Text suggests that we choose a concept of a Higher Power that is loving, caring, and greater than ourselves. These simple guidelines can encompass as many understandings of God as there are NA members. No one is excluded. These guidelines also apply when we understand the word “God” to mean the power of the program or its spiritual principles. They also work when we think of God as a personal force or being that we can communicate with. Our sponsor can be an immense help in this process.  
What is my understanding of a Power greater than myself today?  
How does my Higher Power work in my life?  

NA - Step 3 - Chapter 3.2.3

3.2.3. Communication with a Higher Power

More important than creating your own concept of a Higher Power is building a connection with it, however you may understand that Power. There are different ways to do this. First, you need to communicate with your Higher Power in some way. Some call it prayer; others name it differently. This communication doesn't have to be formal or even verbal.  
Second, you need to be open to communication from your Higher Power. You can do this by paying attention to your feelings, reactions, and what’s happening inside and around you. You might establish a routine that helps you connect with a Power greater than yourself. Your Higher Power might communicate through fellow NA members or help you see the right thing through them.  
Third, you should allow yourself to have feelings toward the God of your understanding. You can be angry, feel love, fear, or gratitude. It’s okay to share the full range of human emotions with your Higher Power. This helps you feel closer to the Power you rely on and builds trust in it.

- How do I communicate with my Higher Power?
- How does my Higher Power communicate with me?
- What feelings do I have about my Higher Power?

NA - Step 3 - Chapter 3.2.4

3.2.4. Changing Our Beliefs

As many of us stay clean for a while, we work on forming an idea of God. Our evolving concept reflects our experiences. We grow until we have a belief in God that brings us peace. We trust in our Higher Power and feel optimistic about life. We start to sense that our lives are touched by something beyond our understanding, and we’re happy and grateful for that.  
Then something happens that challenges everything we thought we believed about our Higher Power, or we even question its existence entirely. It could be a death, an injustice, or a loss. Whatever it is, we feel like we've been punched in the gut. We just don’t understand.  
These are the times when we most need our Higher Power, though we may instinctively pull away. Our idea of a Higher Power will go through significant changes. We must continue to ask for our Higher Power’s help, requesting acceptance—if not understanding—and the strength to keep moving forward. Eventually, we reconnect with our Higher Power, though likely on different terms.

- Do I struggle to change my understanding of my Higher Power? Write it down!
- Does my current concept of a Higher Power still work? What might need to change?

As our understanding of our Higher Power grows and evolves, we’ll find that we respond differently to what happens in our lives. We may find ourselves able to face situations that once filled us with fear, perhaps with more dignity, handling frustrations more gracefully. We might be able to pause and think through a situation before acting. We will likely be calmer, less compulsive, and better able to see beyond the heat of the moment.

 NA - Step 3 - Chapter 3.3.1

3.3. Surrendering Our Will and Our Lives  

3.3.1. Trusting in Care  

It is important how we prepare ourselves to entrust our will and lives to the care of God, as we understand Him. Many of us have found that we follow the order of the step: first, we surrender our will, then gradually our lives. It seems that it's easier for us to grasp the destructive nature of our stubbornness and recognize the need to let go of it. As a result, this usually comes first. The idea of surrendering our lives, and the process of doing so, is more difficult to understand. To calmly allow our Higher Power to care for our lives, we need to build trust. Surrendering our addiction might not be difficult for us, but we may still want to control other parts of our lives. We might trust our Higher Power to take care of our work but not our relationships. Perhaps we can trust our Higher Power with our partner but not with our children. Maybe we can entrust our safety to our Higher Power but not our finances. Many of us find it hard to fully let go. We think we're surrendering certain areas of our lives to our Higher Power, but as soon as we become scared, or things don't go as we think they should, we immediately take back control. It's essential to examine our process of surrender.  

- What does "in His care" mean to me?  
- What does it mean to me to trust my will and my life to the care of God, as I understand Him?  
- How might my life change if I decide to trust my will and my life to the care of God, as I understand Him?  
- How do I allow my Higher Power to work in my life?  
- How does my Higher Power care for my will and my life?  
- Was there ever a time when I couldn’t let go and trust God with the outcome of a situation? Write it down!  
- Have there been times when I was able to let go and trust God with the outcome? Write it down!  

 NA - Step 3 - Chapter 3.3.2

3.3.2. Declaration  

To surrender our will and our lives to the care of God, as we understand Him, we need to take specific actions. For many of us, making a regular, formal declaration works best. We might use a quote from the Basic Text: “Take my will and my life. Guide me in my recovery. Show me how to live.” This expresses the essence of the Third Step. However, we are free to choose our own words or to perform a less structured action. Many of us believe that by staying clean each day or by following our sponsor's suggestions, we are practicing the decision to surrender our will and lives to the care of God, as we understand Him.

- What do I do to surrender? Are there words I say regularly? What are they?  

 NA - Step 3 - Chapter 3.4.1

3.4. Spiritual Principles  

When we talk about the spiritual principles related to the Third Step, we first focus on surrender and willingness. Then, we look at how hope transforms into faith and trust. Finally, we see how the principle of commitment connects to the Third Step.  

3.4.1. Surrender  

It seems easy to practice the principle of surrender when everything goes as we want – or so we think. In reality, it’s more likely that we believe we’re in control when things go smoothly, and in those moments, surrender isn’t required. It’s crucial to keep the principle of surrender alive in our hearts with our Higher Power’s care, even when things are going well.

- What do I do to strengthen my decision to allow my Higher Power to care for my life and my will?  
- How does the Third Step enable me to build on the surrender I developed in the First and Second Steps?  

 NA - Step 3 - Chapter 3.4.2

3.4.2. Willingness  

We often feel the greatest willingness right after surrender. Sometimes, willingness follows desperation or a struggle for control. Of course, we can practice the principle of willingness before it becomes necessary, saving ourselves some suffering.

- How have I shown willingness in my recovery so far?  
- Is there something I’m struggling with in recovery? What do I think would happen if I became willing and let recovery into that part of my life?  

 NA - Step 3 - Chapter 3.4.3

3.4.3. Hope, Faith, and Trust  

The Third Step is a spiritual growth process: hope becomes faith, and faith becomes trust. As we begin the Third Step, we carry within us the sense of hope born from our work on the Second Step. Hope stems from the awareness that our lives are filled with possibilities – there are no concrete certainties yet, only a whisper of expectation that perhaps we can fulfill our heart’s deepest desires. As hope turns into faith, persistent doubts vanish. Faith motivates us to act. The people we trust tell us what we need to do to achieve what we want, and we do exactly that. In the Third Step, faith gives us the ability to make a decision and turn that decision into action. Trust comes into play after we’ve acted on faith. We’ve probably made significant progress toward our goals, and now we have proof that we can influence the course of our lives through positive actions.

- How has hope, faith, and trust become positive driving forces in my life?  
- What further actions do I take to apply the principles of hope, faith, and trust in my recovery?  
- What evidence do I have that I can confidently trust in my recovery?  

 NA - Step 3 - Chapter 3.4.4

3.4.4. Commitment  

The principle of commitment unfolds as part of the Third Step’s spiritual process. We continually make the decision to “surrender,” even when our decision seems to have no visible positive effect. That’s what this step is about. We can practice the spiritual principle of commitment by regularly reaffirming our decision and continuing to act, which gives substance and meaning to our decision, such as by working on the remaining steps.

- What have I done recently that demonstrates my commitment to recovery and working the program?  
  (For example: Have I taken on a service position in NA? Have I agreed to sponsor another recovering addict? Have I kept attending meetings regardless of how I felt about them? Have I continued working with my sponsor, even when they said uncomfortable truths about me or gave guidance I didn’t want to follow? Did I follow their guidance?)

 NA - Step 3 - Chapter 3.5

3.5. Moving Forward  

As we prepare for the Fourth Step, we might reflect on what we have gained from the Third Step. In preparation for moving forward, we write down what each step means to us. This helps us embrace the related spiritual principles.

- Do I have any reservations about my decision to trust my life and will to God’s care?  
- Do I feel ready now to let go?  
- How does my surrender in Step One help me with the Third Step?  
- What “action” do I plan to take that will follow my decision? How does working on the other steps fit into this?  

We close our work on the Third Step with a heightened sense of freedom. If we have been thorough with this step, we experience profound relief, realizing that the world gets along just fine without our interference. The responsibility of controlling everything is a heavy burden, and we are glad to put it down. It’s comforting to know that a loving God is caring for our lives and will, guiding us gently along the right path. We have fully seen our old ideas, are willing to let them go, and allow change to happen in our lives. We might even be willing to take risks we never dared before, reassured by the knowledge that our Higher Power is caring for us.  

Some people pause before making significant decisions and draw strength from their own spirituality. We turn to our source of power, asking our Higher Power to work in our lives, and when we are sure we are on the right path, we move forward. Now we must take another step in recovery that makes our Third Step decision real. It is time to make a searching and fearless moral inventory of ourselves.