Step Guide:

As an introduction, I recommend:

1. Don’t take the first drink!
2. Attend meetings!
3. Get a sponsor!
4. Work the steps!
5. Serve!

In addition, I recommend reading the following:

- Alcoholics Anonymous: up to page 41
- Twelve Steps and Twelve Traditions: pages 15-25


Csaba - Step 1 - Excerpt

Csaba - Step 1  
*(Excerpt) - 1.1.*

1.1. I HAVE FINALLY ACCEPTED THAT I HAVE NO POWER OVER ALCOHOL.

I hope you have read the recommended literature! Well, the Alcoholics Anonymous (Big Book) states in “There is a Solution” (Chapter 2):

A real alcoholic:

- Once he starts to drink, he completely loses control over alcohol.
- When drinking, he does absurd, incredible, and tragic things.
- He reacts differently to alcohol than a ‘normal’ person.
- No matter how little alcohol he consumes, something happens (in his body and soul) that makes it impossible for him to stop.”

Based on this description, I had to admit that I am a real ALCOHOLIC...

On page 23, in the 4th paragraph, it states:

“It is a fact that most alcoholics, for reasons not yet clarified, lose their ability to make decisions regarding drinking. Their so-called willpower practically ceases to exist. They are defenseless against the first drink.”

I am an alcohol-sensitive, allergic alcoholic because all of this is true for me. When the drug (chemical) called alcohol enters my body:

1. I feel better immediately and significantly.
2. I want to drink even more.

Based on this, I must accept that I have no power over alcohol. I must accept that I cannot control my drinking. I must accept that I am powerless when alcohol enters my body!

TO ACCEPT the unacceptable! – this is the greatest source of grace.

Guide for the Step Part:

Write down (think about) what you believe in general:

- What is alcohol for? What do people use it for? And what do you use it for?
- How does a normal (average) person drink? And how do you drink?
- What might it mean to be a social drinker? Are you one?
- What can we call problematic drinking? Do you have issues with your drinking style?
- Does alcohol affect everyone the same way? How does it affect you?
- Can everyone control their drinking equally? How well can you control yours?
- Can psychological dependence develop from alcohol? Have you experienced signs of this?
- Can social (interpersonal) dependence develop from alcohol? Have you experienced signs of this?
- Can habitual (habit-forming) dependence develop from alcohol? Have you experienced signs of this?
- Can physical dependence develop from alcohol? Have you experienced signs of this?

Write down any experiences that support that:

- You are powerless over alcohol and have no control over it.

Csaba - Step 1 - Excerpt 2

Csaba - Step 1  
*(Excerpt) - 1.2.*

1.2. I HAVE ACCEPTED THAT I HAVE NO POWER OVER OTHERS.

The first step states that not only can I not control alcohol, but I also cannot control my life. While talking with my sponsor and peers, I realized that my life was not just unmanageable because of alcohol; many things often turned out differently than I wanted them to – independent of drinking.

Before I began to address the unmanageability of my own life, I realized that I could not control many other things and many other people either. For example, my relationship with my fellow humans was not uncomplicated, as I had serious expectations of them. I expected them to act “correctly,” to be trustworthy, to be honest with me, and so on. Then, when my expectations were not met, I became disappointed, frustrated, and felt bad. This naturally led to cravings to drink.

So, I had to realize that I cannot control other people's thoughts, feelings, actions, and behaviors. It’s best if I do not even strive for it. At AA meetings, I also heard not to do others' steps, but my own. It’s a “selfish program,” they said. It’s about me; I have to deal with myself and place my own spiritual development at the center of my thinking. I need to stop sticking my nose into other people's affairs, reacting to others, and judging others.

I also began to practice this letting-go-accepting mindset. For example, when I was frustrated with someone who was not doing what I expected them to do, I was increasingly able to ask myself:

- Am I sure that they should have done what I expected of them?
- Am I sure they weren’t doing it right the way they did?
- Am I sure I know what they should do?
- Am I sure I know what is good for them?
- Am I sure they are wrong?
- Am I sure I know who is good and who is bad?
- Could it be that they did it right?
- Could it be that they are good?


Guide for Step 1.2:

 1.2. I Accept That I Have No Power Over Others

Write down (think about):

- Why is it important for people to act correctly?
- What feeling does it cause you when you see others acting incorrectly?
- Why is it important that those close to you behave according to your expectations?
- When and how have you been disappointed by those closest to you?
- Why do you want to trust others?
- How do you try to get people to do what is necessary?

Think of a situation when you were frustrated or disappointed by someone who didn’t do what you expected of them. Reflect on the following:

- Are you sure they should have done what you expected of them?
- Are you sure they didn’t do it right the way they did?
- Are you sure you know what they should do?
- Are you sure you know what is good for them?
- Are you sure they are wrong?
- Are you sure you know who is good and who is bad?
- Could it be that they did it right?
- Could it be that they are good?

Write down any experiences that support that:

- You have no power over others.
- Everyone is who they are.



Csaba - Step 1 - Excerpt 3

Csaba - Step 1  
*(Excerpt) - 1.3.*

1.3. I HAVE GIVEN UP HOPE OF EVER BEING A SOCIAL DRINKER AGAIN.

“In the depths of our souls, we must recognize that we are alcoholics. This is the first step toward recovery. We must discard the illusion that we are, or soon may be, like other people. We alcoholics have lost the ability to drink in moderation. We know that no real alcoholic ever regains that ability.” – Big Book, page 29.

Unlike the quote above, I did not “lose” the ability to drink normally; I never drank normally. But that is in the past; I won’t tell you about my past drinking habits. I don’t believe that memories related to drinking will hold anyone back from drinking. I think that relapse is not prevented by the “memory of the last drunkenness,” but by working through the steps. 

While attending AA meetings, I noticed that most often those who relapse are the ones who think that since they haven’t drunk for a while, they could now drink normally. But they cannot.

For me, giving up the “hope of normal drinking” became easier as I observed at the meetings how much better those feel who no longer concern themselves with how to avoid getting drunk, but rather those who don’t even want to drink anymore. “Hang out with the winners!” – I heard at the meetings. Therefore, I decided to follow the “recovering” AAs instead of the “dry” peers. I started to focus on their shares. And it became clear to me that the better someone feels, the further along they are in the 12-step program.



Guide for Step 1.3:

1.3. I Give Up Hope of Ever Being a Social Drinker.

Write down (think about):

- Have you heard that alcoholism can be hereditary?
- Do you consider it possible that alcohol sensitivity is a genetic trait?
- Have you ever met people who drank problematically and then started drinking normally again?
- Have you ever met people who, thanks to their strong will, quit drinking for good?
- Have you ever met people who were turned into social drinkers by a doctor or psychologist?
- Do you know anyone whose craving for alcohol disappeared as a result of medical treatment?

Write down any experiences that support that:

- Alcoholism cannot be cured by human power (willpower, medication, psychology, etc.).
- The 12-step program can provide real help for real alcoholics.


Csaba - Step 1 - Excerpt 4

Csaba - Step 1  
*(Excerpt) - 1.4.*

1.4. I HAVE BECOME WILLING TO CHANGE MY WAY OF THINKING.

“Few people try to sincerely apply the AA program unless they have hit their own bottom. [...] When our situation reveals its fatal nature, and only then do we become as unbiased and open-hearted as a dying person can be. At that point, we are ready to do anything to be free of this relentless obsession.” – Twelve Steps and Twelve Traditions, page 24.

After I hit my bottom, I was ready to do anything.

My sponsor always said things like:

If you don’t grow, you’ll drink!  
Change, or you’ll die!

At the meetings, I heard things like:

If my problem is 1 meter, 10 centimeters of it is alcohol, and the rest is “me.”  
“Become teachable!” (says the slogan)  
“We need to eliminate self-centeredness.” (writes the Big Book) 

I realized that I had always believed that my thoughts were the truth. However, if my problems largely stem from my way of thinking, then I must let go of the pursuit of always being right and allow the program to work on me. After all, what built-in programs did I have?

I concluded that this was my most important subconscious pattern:

“Feeling bad? Drink!” – this was always running through my mind. And for 30 years, I programmed myself with this, reinforcing this program. 

However, the AA program gave me hope that it would “reprogram” this life-threatening way of thinking out of me. That’s why I committed myself to the program. Today, I feel good even without alcohol.



Guide for Step 1.4:


1.4, I am becoming willing to change my way of thinking.  
Write down (reflect on) the following questions:

- If you try to do everything the same way as before, what will change?  
- If you don’t change, what will change?  
- If you don’t change your thoughts, will your emotions change?  
- If you don’t change your thoughts, will your actions and behavior change?  
- If you don’t change your thoughts, can your physical symptoms go away?  
- If you don’t change your way of thinking, will your thoughts change?  
- If you change your way of thinking, can your mind become healthier?  
- If you change your mind, will the world change?

Write down any experiences or observations that support the idea that:

- Changing your way of thinking can lead to recovery.


Csaba - Step 1 - Excerpt 5

Csaba - Step 1  
(excerpt) - 1.5.  
1.5. I have become aware that my life rarely unfolds as I planned.  

I have long known the saying, "Man plans, God laughs." But I never took it seriously. I always believed in the realization of plans. However, I never really did an inventory of how many of my old plans came to fruition. In retrospect, I must say that my life rarely unfolded the way I planned. I completed a university degree, but after a few years, I was no longer working in that field. I got married and pledged eternal fidelity, yet it ended in divorce. I thought that by the time I grew older, I would be an honorary citizen of my hometown, but now I have not only moved away from that town but from the country as well.  

Knowing others, talking with them, listening to their shares, and reading their posts, I feel the same way. Life rarely unfolds as people plan. I believe that the ego is the great planner. The ego wants to know the future in advance, so it weaves plans. And it can become very frustrated when those plans do not come to fruition.  

For a long time, I believed that I had to control my life. This was also the ego. My ego also believed that it had to control the lives of others if it wanted its plans to be realized as imagined. But it's quite difficult to control others' lives when it's not even possible to control my own. This constantly led to tension, frustration, and suffering. And of course, to drinking. After all, drinking was my only "effective" tool for dealing with suffering.  
Today, I know that my life was not only unmanageable because of alcohol but also because of my self-centered way of thinking. Just as I will never be able to control alcohol, I will never be able to control the events of my life either. I cannot delude myself into thinking that since I no longer drink, everything will now be as I want it. Because it won’t be. And then I will be frustrated. And then I might even think that I should drink. But I don’t want that anymore.  
So I find peace in knowing that I am not the "great planner," I am not the "great controller." And that’s okay!  
One might wonder if I make plans these days? Of course: I write my tasks in my calendar so I don’t forget them.  


Guide for Step 1.5:

1.5, I have become aware that my life rarely unfolds as I planned.  
Write down (reflect on) the following questions:

What childhood dreams came true?  
What of your plans from ten years ago came true, and how?  
How did the past few years unfold compared to your plans?  
How did last month unfold compared to your plans?  
And how did your last week or your today unfold?  

Write down any experiences that support the idea that:

Your life rarely unfolds as you plan.


Truth: I think I know. However, if my problems largely stem from my way of thinking, then I need to let go of the need to always be right and allow the program to work on me. After all, what built-in programs did I have? I came to the conclusion that this was my most important subconscious pattern:

"Feeling bad? Drink!" - this was always running through my mind. And for 30 years, I programmed this into myself, reinforcing this program.  
However, the AA program gave me hope that it could "reprogram" this life-threatening way of thinking out of me. Therefore, I committed myself to the program.

Today, I feel good even without alcohol.  

 
Guide for Step 1.4:

1.4, I am becoming willing to change my way of thinking.  
Write down (reflect on) the following questions:

- If you try to do everything the same way as before, what will change?  
- If you don’t change, what will change?  
- If you don’t change your thoughts, will your emotions change?  
- If you don’t change your thoughts, will your actions and behavior change?  
- If you don’t change your thoughts, can your physical symptoms go away?  
- If you don’t change your way of thinking, will your thoughts change?  
- If you change your way of thinking, can your mind become healthier?  
- If you change your mind, will the world change?  

Write down any experiences or observations that support the idea that:

Changing your way of thinking can lead to recovery.


Csaba - Step 1 - Excerpt 6


Csaba - Step 1 (excerpt) - 1.6.

1.6. I REALIZED THAT I CANNOT EVEN CONTROL MY OWN LIFE.

Once I became aware that my life almost never unfolds as I planned, the feeling of "Man plans, God laughs" increasingly strengthened within me. I started to think more and more that there are "Higher Powers." That what I plan or think is not so important. That these plans and thoughts are just the ego's aspirations to be more than others.

When I was frustrated about something that didn't go as I had planned, I began to ask myself more often:

Is it sure that it would have been good the way I planned?
Is it sure that it’s not good the way it is?
Am I sure I know what is good and what is bad?
Maybe it’s good the way it is?
What is good about the way it is?

I realized that to judge good and bad, I would need to know so much, and I am so little that it is better to give up the endeavor to control my own life or even the lives of others. It's better for everyone this way!


Guideline for Step 1.6:

1.6. I realize that I cannot even control my own life.

Imagine that you are frustrated about something that didn't go as you planned. Consider the following:

Is it sure that it would have been good the way I planned?
Is it sure that it’s not good the way it is?
Am I sure I know what is good and what is bad?
Maybe it’s good the way it is?
What is good about the way it is?

Write down any experience that supports the idea that:

You cannot control even your own life.
You don’t need to control everything.


Csaba - Step 1 (excerpt) - 1.7.

1.7. I REALIZED THAT I CANNOT CHANGE THE EVENTS OF THE PAST.

What happened has happened. It cannot be changed. The past is gone. But the events of the past have consequences. My memory preserves these consequences. My memory does not preserve the events themselves. It’s impossible to remember everything. My memory remembers what I think about things that happened in the past, what emotions are related to them, and what feelings they evoked at the time. It is well known (at least that's how I learned in psychology) that things with a higher emotional charge are better retained. Unfortunately, those with negative emotional charges are a bit stronger than the positive ones. 

When I recall past events, the feelings associated with those events mainly come to mind. Therefore, I must be careful every time I dwell on the past. I need to know that these are just feelings, just wandering thoughts, not facts at all. As many people as there are, there are that many ways of remembering the same thing. Police investigators could surely tell great stories about this.

However, if the feelings associated with past memories are created in my brain, then perhaps I—or a Higher Power—could influence these feelings. For example, when I feel resentment towards myself or others because of past events, that resentment can be released. But this will be the subject of Step 4. Until then, I know that what I think about the past is not reality at all. There is only one reality, and that is the present moment.



Guideline for Step 1.7:

1.7. I realize that I cannot change the events of the past.

Write down (think about) what:

What does the past really consist of?
How reliable are your memories?
Are you sure things happened the way you remember them?
Are you sure it would be good if things had happened differently?
What makes you think that if things had happened differently, it would be better for everyone now?

Write down any experience that supports the idea that:

The events of the past cannot be changed.
And it is not worth it.


Csaba - Step 1 (excerpt) - 1.8.

1.8. I REALIZED THAT THE FUTURE WILL NOT BE AS I THINK.

What does the future mean to me? Plans, desires, ideas, expectations. I have already realized that life never unfolds as I plan, as my ego (the "great planner") plans. Sometimes I even begin to see that this may not be a bad thing.

My desires have only been partially fulfilled so far, so it is likely that in the future I will have unfulfilled longings as well. Until I recognize that the things I long for are not necessary for my peace of mind. My ideas—let's say about what the world will be like in the future—are completely irrelevant. They have no importance, as the world will not be as I imagine it now.

My expectations—if I still have them—are almost certainly not going to be fulfilled. This would cause frustration, so it’s better if I give up forming expectations regarding the future, the future development of the world, or the future behavior of others. It’s better if I ONLY deal with TODAY.


Guideline for Step 1.8:

1.8. I realize that the future will not be as I think.

Write down (think about) what:

Is it important to know your own future in advance?
Who is it that really wants to know the future?
Are the things you desire absolutely necessary for your peace of mind?
Does it matter what your vision is for the future of the world?
What will happen if your expectations for the future are not met?

Write down any experience that supports the idea that:

The future did not turn out as you thought it would.
Sometimes it’s better this way.


Csaba - Step 1 (excerpt) - 1.9.

1.9. IT HAS BECOME ACCEPTABLE TO ME THAT THE PRESENT MOMENT IS ALWAYS AS IT IS.

I probably don’t need to explain too much how dangerous stress, frustration, and mental suffering can be for me in terms of relapse. Ever since I accepted the present moment as it is, I have freed myself from a lot of unnecessary tension. I am no longer tortured by questions such as:

Why me?
Why do I need this?
Why did this have to happen?
Why is it this way?
Why isn’t it the way I planned?
Why isn’t it the way I wanted?
Why is he/she like this?
Why does he/she do this?
Why doesn’t he/she do what they should?

By the way, questions that start with "why":

They always somewhat question reality, so they are misleading. 

To answer them, we would need to possess all the knowledge in the world, so they are meaningless. 

In terms of my spiritual development, questions that start with "how" have proven to be much more useful, such as:

How can I make the most of today?
How can I promote my spiritual development today?
How can I best help my fellow human beings today?
How can I give the most to the world today?



Guideline for Step 1.9:

1.9. I accept that the present moment is always as it is.

Examine whether you often think about the following:

Why me?
Why do I need this?
Why did this have to happen?
Why is it this way?
Why isn’t it the way I planned?
Why isn’t it the way I wanted?
Why is he/she like this?
Why does he/she do this?
Why doesn’t he/she do what they should?

Write down any experience that supports the idea that:
The present moment is always as it is.

Consider the following:

How can I make the most of today?
How can I promote my spiritual development today?
How can I best help my fellow human beings today?
How can I give the most to the world today?


Checklist questions for AA Step 1:

1. Have you accepted that you have no power over alcohol?
2. Have you accepted that you have no power over others?
3. Do you hope that you might someday be a social drinker?
4. Are you willing to change your way of thinking?
5. Have you realized that your life rarely goes as you planned?
6. Have you realized that you cannot even control your own life?
7. Have you realized that you cannot change the past?
8. Do you know that the future will not be as you think?
9. Do you accept the present moment as it is?


RECOMMENDED READINGS

which have given me a lot in my spiritual development (i.e., taking the 12 steps):

- Alcoholics Anonymous (AA) Big Book
- Twelve Steps and Twelve Traditions (AA)
- Karen Casey: Change Your Mind
- Béla Balogh: The Ten Commandments of the Subconscious
- Eckhart Tolle: The Power of Now
- Dr. David R Hawkins: Power vs. Force
- Dr. David R Hawkins: The Eye of the Universe
- Sri Ramana Maharshi: Who Am I?
- Sri Nisargadatta Maharaj: I AM That
- A Course in Miracles
- New Testament
- Teachings of the Buddha
- Bhagavad Gita