NA - Step 1

First Step

“We admitted that we were powerless over our addiction and that our lives had become unmanageable.”

The “first” is the beginning of everything, and the same goes for the steps; the First Step is the beginning of our recovery process. This is where healing begins; we cannot move forward until we have worked on this step. Some NA members intuitively “feel” their way through the First Step; others prefer a more systematic approach to working the First Step. The reasons for formally working on the First Step vary from member to member. Perhaps we are new to recovery and have just fought—and lost—a grueling battle with drugs. We may have been clean for a while, but we’ve discovered that our disease has activated in some other area of our lives, forcing us to confront our powerlessness and the unmanageability of our lives once again. Not all growth is motivated by pain; it may be time to go through the steps again, thus beginning the next phase of our never-ending journey of recovery.

Some of us find a certain degree of comfort in the realization that a disease, not a moral failure, brought us to this low point. Others don’t really care what the cause was—they just want a way out! However it is, it’s time to start working on the steps: to engage in specific activities that help us find greater freedom from our addiction, whatever form it takes. We hope to internalize the principles of the First Step, deepening our surrender to make the principles of acceptance, humility, willingness, and openness an essential part of ourselves.

First and foremost, we must surrender ourselves. There are various ways to do this. For some of us, the journey we took to reach the First Step was enough to convince us that unconditional surrender is our only chance. Some of us may begin the process even though we are not yet convinced that we are addicts or that we have hit bottom. We will only truly understand that we are addicts, that we have hit bottom, and that we must surrender when we work on the First Step. 

Before we start working on the First Step, we must be abstinent, at all costs. If we are new to Narcotics Anonymous and our First Step is primarily about examining the effects of drug addiction in our lives, we need to get clean. If we have been clean for a while, and our First Step is about our powerlessness over some other form of behavior that has made our lives unmanageable, we need to find a way to eliminate that behavior so that it does not overshadow our surrender.



NA - Step 1 - Chapter 1.1.1

1.1. OUR ADDICTION

1.1.1. THE DISEASE OF ADDICTION

What makes us addicted is the disease of addiction—not the drugs, not our behavior, but our disease. There is something within us that makes us incapable of controlling our drug use. The same “something” predisposes us to obsession and compulsion in other areas of our lives as well. How do we recognize when our disease is active? When we fall into an endless cycle of obsession, compulsion, and self-centeredness that leads nowhere but to physical, mental, spiritual, and emotional decline.

What does “the disease of addiction” mean to me? 

- Has my disease been active lately? How has it manifested? 
- What is it like when I become obsessed with something? Does my thinking follow a single pattern? Describe it. 
- When a thought arises, do I immediately act on it without thinking of the consequences? In what other ways do I act compulsively? 
- How does the self-centered part of my disease affect my life and the lives of those around me? 
- How has my disease physically affected me? Mentally? Spiritually? Emotionally? 



NA - Step 1 - Chapter 1.1.2

1.1.2. THE MANIFESTATION OF OUR ADDICTION

Our addiction can manifest in various ways. When we first come to Narcotics Anonymous, our problem will, of course, be drug use. Later, we may face the reality that our addiction destroys our lives in countless ways. 

When was the last time my addiction manifested in a specific way? 

- Was I obsessed with a person, a place, or a thing? If so, how did this affect my relationships with others? 
- How did this obsession affect me mentally, physically, spiritually, and emotionally? 



NA - Step 1 - Chapter 1.1.3

1.1.3. DENIAL

Denial is that part of our disease that tells us we are not sick. When we deny our disease, we are unable to see the true nature of our addiction. We trivialize its effects. We blame others, citing the unrealistic expectations of family, friends, and employers. We compare ourselves to other addicts whose addictions seem worse than ours. Perhaps we blame a specific drug. If we have been abstinent for a while, we might compare our current expression of addiction to our active drug use, rationalizing that what we are doing today is just better than what we did then. One of the easiest ways to recognize when we are in denial about our addiction is when we find ourselves making convincing but false excuses for our behavior. 

- Have I made convincing but false excuses for my behavior? What were they? 
- Have I ever acted compulsively, pretending that I actually intended to do so? When did this happen? 
- How have I blamed other people for my behavior? 
- How have I compared my addiction to others’ addictions? Is my addiction “serious enough” if I do not compare it to someone else’s? 
- Do I compare my current manifestations of addiction to how it manifested in my life before I got clean? Does the thought that I should know better bother me? 
- Did I think I had enough information about addiction and recovery to control my behavior before it slipped out of my grasp? 
- Do I avoid taking action simply because I am afraid I will be ashamed of the manifestations of the consequences of my actions? Do I avoid taking action because I am concerned about what others will think? 



NA - Step 1 - Chapter 1.1.4

1.1.4. THE BOTTOM: DESPAIR AND ISOLATION 

Our addiction brings us to a point where we can no longer deny the nature of our problem. Every lie, every rationalization, every illusion evaporates as we face what our lives have become. We realize that we have lived without hope. We confront the fact that we no longer have friends, or we have become so distant from others that all our relationships are merely a parody of pretense, love, and intimacy. Despite the fact that, in this state, it may seem that everything is lost, the truth is that we must go through this before we can embark on the path to recovery.

What crisis brought you to recovery?  
What situation led you to work on the First Step in an orderly manner?  
When did I recognize that my addiction was a real problem?  
Did I try to do something about it? If so, how? If not, why not?



NA - Step 1 - Chapter 1.1.5  

1.1.5. POWERLESSNESS

As addicts, we react differently to the word "powerless." Some of us understand that this situation could not be described more accurately, and we relieve ourselves by acknowledging our powerlessness. Others, however, recoil at the sound of this word, associating it with weakness, or perhaps believing it signifies some kind of character flaw. Understanding powerlessness—and that admitting our own powerlessness is essential to our recovery—will help us overcome the difficult feelings associated with the concept of powerlessness.

We are powerless when the forces that influence the course of our lives slip out of our control. Our addiction undoubtedly qualifies as such an uncontrollable driving force. We cannot moderate or control our drug use or other compulsive behaviors, even when we are losing the most important things because of them. We are unable to stop, even when continuing leads to irreparable physical consequences. We notice that we do things we would never do if we were not addicted; things that make us cringe with shame even at the thought of them. Perhaps we even decide that we do not want to use, that we will not use, and we understand that we are still unable to stop when given the opportunity.

Perhaps we have tried to refrain from drug use or other compulsive behaviors without the program, achieving temporary success, only to find that our untreated addiction has ultimately brought us back to the very place we started from.

When we begin the First Step, we must confront our own powerlessness deep within ourselves.  
What exactly am I powerless against?  
Have I done things that my addiction compelled me to do, things I would never do when I focus on my recovery? What were they?  
What did I do to maintain my addiction, contrary to everything that is valuable to me and that I believe in?  
How does my personality change when my addiction drives my actions? (For example: Do I become arrogant? Self-centered? Mean-spirited? Passive to the point where I can no longer defend myself? Manipulative? Whiny?)  
Do I manipulate other people to maintain my addiction? How?  
Did I try to stop using and face the fact that I was unable to? Did I ever stop on my own, and was life without drugs so painful that my abstinence lasted no time at all? When did this happen?  
How did I hurt myself and others because of my addiction?


NA - Step 1 - Chapter 1.1.6  

1.1.6. UNMANAGEABILITY

The First Step asks us to admit two things: first, that we are powerless over our addiction; second, that our lives have become unmanageable. In fact, we would be in great trouble if we only admitted one of these and not the other. Our unmanageability is, in fact, visible evidence of our powerlessness. There are two general types of unmanageability: outward unmanageability, the kind that others can see; and inner or personal unmanageability.

Outward unmanageability is often identified with things like arrests, losing a job, or family problems. Some of us have been to jail. Some of us have never been able to live in a relationship for more than a few months. Some of us have been rejected by our families, who asked us never to contact them again. Inner or personal unmanageability is often associated with unhealthy or false belief systems about ourselves, the world around us, and the people in our lives. Perhaps we feel undeserving.

Perhaps we think the world revolves around us—not just that it should be this way, but that it really is this way. Perhaps we believe that it is not really our job to take care of ourselves, but that someone else should do it. Perhaps we believe that all the responsibility an average person takes on is an unbearably heavy burden for us. Perhaps we overreact or hardly react at all to the events in our lives. We can most readily identify our personal unmanageability with our emotional instability.

What does unmanageability mean to me?  
Have I ever been arrested, or faced legal consequences because of my addiction? Have I ever done something that I could have been arrested for if caught? What was it?  
What work or school problems have arisen from my addiction? What family problems have arisen from my addiction?  
What problems has my addiction caused in my friendships?  
Do I cling to having things the way I want them? How has my clinging affected my relationships?  
Do I take other people's needs into account? How has my lack of consideration affected my relationships?  
Do I accept responsibility for my life and actions? Am I able to perform my daily tasks without them being an overwhelming burden? How does this affect my life?  

Do I fall apart the moment things do not go according to plan? How does this affect my life?  
Do I experience every challenge as a personal insult? How has this affected my life?  
Do I maintain a kind of crisis mentality, reacting with panic to every situation? How does this affect my life?  
Do I disregard the signs that something is seriously wrong with my health, my children, and think that it will just work out? Describe.  
When I was in real danger, have I ever remained indifferent to the situation because of my addiction, or been unable to defend myself? Describe.  
Have I ever hurt someone because of my addiction? Describe.  
Do I ever throw tantrums or react to my feelings in other ways that diminish my self-esteem and dignity? Describe.  
Have I ever used drugs or acted on my addiction to change or suppress my feelings? What was I trying to change or suppress?

NA - Step 1 - Chapter 1.1.7  

1.1.7. RESERVATIONS

Reservations are situations in our program that we hold onto for relapse. They stem from the notion that we can somehow maintain a little bit of control, something like, “Okay, I accept that I cannot control my use, but I can still use, right?” Or perhaps we think we can still be friends with those people we used with or from whom we bought. Maybe we believe that certain parts of the program do not apply to us. Or we think there are things we simply cannot face cleanly—like a serious illness or the death of a loved one—and we plan to use when that happens. We may think that once we reach a certain goal, make a certain amount of money, or have been clean for a longer time, we will be able to control our use. Reservations are generally buried deep in our consciousness; we are not fully aware of them. It is essential that we uncover every reservation and eliminate them immediately.

Have I fully accepted my disease?  
Do I think I can still be friends with those people related to my addiction? Can I go to the places I used to go? Do I consider it wise to have using paraphernalia around me just to “remind myself,” or simply to test my recovery? If so, why?  
Is there something that I believe I will not be able to go through cleanly, an event that might happen, that will be so painful that I will have to use to survive the pain?  
Do I think that after a certain amount of clean time, or under different life circumstances, I will be able to control my use?  
What are the reservations that I still hold on to?

NA - Step 1 - Chapter 1.1.8  

1.1.8. SURRENDER

There is a huge difference between acceptance and surrender. Acceptance is what we feel when we realize we are addicts but have not yet embraced recovery as a solution to our problem. Many of us reached this point long before we arrived at Narcotics Anonymous. Perhaps we thought it was our destiny to be addicts, to live and die as addicts. However, we surrender when we feel the truth of the First Step and accept recovery as a solution. We no longer want our lives to remain as they were. We no longer want to feel as we did in the past.  
If I fear surrender at all, what exactly do I fear about the thought of surrender? What convinces me that I cannot successfully use again?  
Do I accept that I will never regain control, even after prolonged abstinence?  
Can my recovery begin without complete surrender?  
What would my life be like if I completely surrendered?  
Can I continue my recovery without complete surrender?  

NA - Step 1 - Chapter 1.2.1  

1.2. SPIRITUAL PRINCIPLES  

In Step One, we will focus on honesty, openness, willingness, humility, and acceptance.  

1.2.1. HONESTY  

Practicing the principle of honesty in the First Step begins with accepting the truth about our addiction and continues with the daily practice of honesty. When we say at a meeting, "I am an addict," it may be the first truly honest statement we have made in a long time. Gradually, we become able to be honest with ourselves and, consequently, with others.  
Have I shared with my sponsor or someone else the thoughts of using or acting out my addiction in other ways?  
Have I connected with the reality of my disease, regardless of how long I have been free from active addiction?  
Do I notice now that I no longer have to hide my addiction, that I no longer have to lie as I did before? Do I appreciate the freedom that comes with this? How have I become honest in the process of recovery?  

NA - Step 1 - Chapter 1.2.2  

1.2.2. OPENNESS  

Practicing the principle of openness articulated in Step One also means that we are ready to believe that another kind of life is possible and that we are willing to try this path. It doesn't matter if we can't see every detail of the road ahead or if it might not resemble anything we've heard about before; what matters is that we do not limit ourselves to our own thinking. Sometimes we hear other NA members say things that sound completely crazy to us, such as "we surrender to win" or suggesting that we pray for someone we resent. We account for our openness when we do not reject these things without trying them.  

What have I heard in recovery that has been hard for me to believe? Have I asked my sponsor or the person I heard it from to explain it to me?  
In what ways do I practice openness?  

NA - Step 1 - Chapter 1.2.3  

1.2.3. WILLINGNESS  

We can practice the principle of willingness articulated in Step One in various ways. When we first consider recovery, many of us do not wholeheartedly believe that this can happen to us, or we simply do not understand how it will work, but we begin the First Step anyway – and this is where we experience willingness for the first time. Every action we take to aid our recovery is a testament to our willingness: arriving early to a meeting and staying longer, helping start a new meeting, or asking for and using the phone numbers of other members.  
Am I willing to follow my sponsor's guidance?  
Am I willing to attend meetings regularly?  
Am I willing to make the greatest effort for my recovery? How?  

NA - Step 1 - Chapter 1.2.4  

1.2.4. HUMILITY  

The principle of humility, which plays a central role in Step One, is most tangibly manifested in surrender. We can best identify humility as the complete acceptance of ourselves – we are neither better nor worse than we believed ourselves to be when we were using. We are simply human.  
Do I see myself as a monster who has poisoned the whole world with my addiction? Or conversely, do I think that my addiction had no impact on those around me, on the society I live in? Or somewhere in between?  
Do I have a sense of relative importance among my family and friends? And in society as a whole? What is that feeling like?  
In what ways do I practice the principle of humility in working on the First Step?  

NA - Step 1 - Chapter 1.2.5  

1.2.5. ACCEPTANCE  

To practice the principle of acceptance, we need to do more than simply acknowledge that we are addicts. When we accept our addiction, we feel a profound inner change accompanied by an ever-growing sense of hope. We begin to experience a kind of peace. We reconcile with our addiction, our recovery, and what these two parallel realities now mean in our lives. We do not dread the thought of meetings, a sponsorship relationship, or taking the Steps; rather, we begin to see our recovery as a valuable gift, and we do not perceive the work involved in taking the Steps as any greater difficulty than the other tasks in our lives.  

Have I reconciled with the fact that I am an addict?  
Have I reconciled with the thoughts I need to entertain for my complete recovery?  
Why is accepting my disease so important in the process of my recovery?  

NA - Step 1 - Chapter 1.3  

1.3. MOVING FORWARD  

As we prepare to take the Second Step, we may wonder whether we have worked thoroughly enough on the First Step. Are we sure that it is time to move on? Have we spent as much time on this step as others have? Have we truly understood this step?  
Many of us have found it helpful to write down all our thoughts or ideas regarding a Step once we have completed it.  

How do I know it is time for me to move forward?  
What do I think about Step One?  
How have my previous knowledge and experiences influenced my work on Step One?  

We have come to a place where we confront the results of our former lifestyle and accept that we need to find new ways, but we probably still do not see the wealth of opportunities that a recovering addict's life can hold. At this moment, we are content with the freedom that comes from being liberated from active addiction, but soon we will realize that we must fill the void we have previously filled with drugs or other compulsive, obsessive behaviors with something else. This emptiness will be filled by taking the next Steps. The path of recovery continues with the Second Step.